The tux

He should wear a classic Armani tux always.
When he gets up in the morning, he should take off his night tux and put on the day tux.
When he swims, (because I hear that swimming is really good for your back) he should wear the tux.
When he goes grocery shopping (although, who are we kidding, right? But nonetheless, if he did his own grocery shopping) he should - say it with me . . . wear the tux.
When we meet for coffee in that charming little cafe near his Italian house where he arrives early and pre-orders me a skinny latte with a touch of caramel because he knows that's how I like it, he should wear the tux.
When he meets my parents, whom will love him because my mother always liked him on that ER show and because my father will just be happy I've made a decision on whether or not I'm a lesbian, he should wear the tux. (Even if he will be hideously overdressed because my dad is a shut-in and thinks a wifebeater and stubbies is appropriate for meeting potential son-in-laws.)
And on the day that he falls to his knees and asks me to marry him (thereby causing him to have to pay scads of money to Brad Pitt and Julia Roberts who have bets with him that he'll get married again, breaking the hearts of women and gay - and straight - men everywhere) he MUST WEAR THE TUX.
Always.

Enjoy.

Please please please

I refuse to get excited or worked up about the Oscars. I quite desperately want George to win but I will NOT get my hopes up (Paul Giamatti, I am trying not to hate you, its not your fault you didn't get nominated last year for Sideways when you should have and I think you know that if you win today that you're winning for that film and not Cinderella Man, so we are cool. Its the Academy I'll be pissed at.)

Basically most of the Big Awards are two horse races with Fairly Clear Favourites :

Best Supporting Actress - this is really between Rachel Weisz and Michelle Williams but Weisz has won everything except the Bafta where she was inexplicably nominated for Best Actress instead of Supporting and lost to Reese Witherspoon. Expect her to come away with this as well.

Best Supporting Actor - oh, it hurts. He's nominated for three - THREE - Oscars and this is the one he should have been the shoe in for, but the race between George Clooney and Paul Giamatti is ridiculously close, too close for me to call without potentially breaking my heart. (And yes, we see you there in the corner in your tux, Jake Gyllenhaal and we think you were WONDERFUL in Brokeback Mountain but darling you're not in the race. But kisses!! And I will see Jarhead, I promise!)

Best Actress - Felicity Huffman versus Reese Witherspoon. This is a tricky one. The smart punter would say Reese has already made space on top of the tv at home for a certain gold, sexually ambigious statue but don't be surprised if Felicity's dusted off the top of her bookshelf as well. They've shared enough of the other awards for this to be Annette Bening/Hillary Swank 1999 redux. I haven't seen either film so can't comment on who deserves it more, but I think Felicity is an amazing actress and Reese is just kind of coming into her own and will have plenty of time to win another one. I would like this to go to Felicity but its too close to call.

Best Actor - there is a possibility that Heath Ledger will take this away from Phillip Seymour Hoffman, but only in the same way that there is a possibility that I was on that grassy knoll and shot JFK. Also? Apparently Phillip made a bet with some friends (including Capote writer Dan Futterman) when they were young and this kind of thing was just a dream, that the first one of them to win an Academy Award would bark their acceptance speech. That? Would be awesome.

Best Director - Not really going to be anyone else but Ang Lee. If George wins this (which would be fantastic but highly unlikely) I will buy a hat just so I can eat it.

Best Film - Based on other film awards (Directors Guild, SAGs, Critics Association, Golden Globes, Bafta's etc) this is between Crash and Brokeback Mountain. Now I loved the shit out of Brokeback, I haven't been that moved by a film in a long time, I mean I saw it twice in four days the week it opened, I really really liked it and I've also seen Good Night and Good Luck which is also about as perfect a film as you can get, but due to my *ahem* alleged adoration of the director and co-star of GN&GL, my housemates Fosse and PGiddy have disallowed any and all opinions I might hold about that film. They think I'm too biased. Ridiculous. Regardless, as FUCKING BRILLIANT as GN&GL may or may not be (it is, I promise, it IS) Best Film will be Crash or Brokeback. My money is still on Brokeback, although there is talk of a backlash against the film which could see Crash win. Which would make me unhappy. Very unhappy.

So, thems the biggies. Tis a strange year - there are some wins that seem obvious but the Academy has been known to do some bizarre things. How else can you explain that Forrest Gump won best film the same year that Pulp Fiction, Quiz Show and The Shawshank Redemption were nominated, except that quite obviously the cocaine in Hollywood was especially badly cut with generic brand baby powder that year?? Who knows what the coke is cut with this year.

We can but wait and see . . .

(and avoid the internet and the radio and news broadcasts until 8.30 tonight when the telecast starts on Ch9)

Cock a doodle doo

In lieu of him beating his own chest and standing on top of our house and proclaiming that he is indeed King Of The World, let me take this opportunity to pimp Fosse. A play he directed last year (The Laramie Project) has been nominated for Best Production (Fringe/Independent Theatre) in the 2005 Green Room Awards. For those who don’t live in Melbourne or frequent the independent theatre world, this is pretty big. Fosse is already a highly respected director within the world of amateur theatre and this is (fingers crossed) the start of some recognition outside of that – leading to paid directing work, bigger and better productions and parts for me.
And this is I think, especially exciting for Fosse, because one of the Patrons of the GRA is Rachel Griffiths* whom he swoons over. So massive props and a little raising of the roof for Fosse!

*Aside
Channel Nine? Hello? May I speak to Eddie Macguire? Thanks.(mmmmmmbopadipadabawhoobopadiddyyabammmmmmmbop**) Yellllllo, oh hey there Eds, how goes it? Condolences on Kerry’s death but congratulations on being given the head honcho possie at Nine, dude. Sweeeet. Yeah. So who is taking over Millionaire . . . really? Interesting choice, I mean I was available and all but . . . you didn’t get my CV? No, no, no, I understand completely, I mean you can’t be expected to read everything that crosses your desk, right? Nah man, s’cool. You want to make up for it? Okay. Um. Well, HOW ABOUT YOU AIR THE FINAL FUCKING SEASON OF ‘SIX FEET UNDER’ HUH, EDWARD? Just a small request, you know, when you have time. Anyway, congrats again on the new job. Best of love to the wife. Take care.

** I love it when hold music is cheesy nineties pop . . .

(My continuing post of my favourite authors is coming but the Stephen King one is currently a five page essay and needs to be culled. I mean, you don’t care about the ongoing themes of absent parental figures in his earlier works or the way his books lost their edge after the birth of his third child or his use of parentheses, right? Exactly. It comes.)

Smell THIS greasepaint

From an email conversation betwixt myself and Shaneequa about the incredibly unreliable people you can meet doing a play during which I let loose in a nasty but thoroughly deserved way . . . ( this is a play that I was asked to step into six rehearsals out from opening, its not a huge role, it is of middling size but six rehearsals - or just over a week - is still a BIG ask and I only agreed because I admire and love Fosse and desperately want him to cast me in something he directs at some point. Ahem. Sucking up portion of today's blog completed. Continue . . . )

Oh, and Fosse is not the director mentioned, he is acting in the play . . .

Email : DUDE. Do NOT even get me started. Woh, too late . . . at the tech run for (current play Tallulah is in), people actually thought they would be able to leave at FIVE o'clock because that's when they normally finish rehearsals on a Sunday. Members of the cast had made other plans. WTF??!! Apparently none of them have ever done any theatre before, ever. EVER.* And the director was all ready to let them leave (and please bear in mind that at this point, ONE rehearsal before we opened, I still hadn't done a full run-through of the play. There were still scenes that I hadn't done at all. We had Monday rehearsal left and that was it, audience in on Tuesday, thanks very much).
It was only the fact that one of the committee members was there and could hear Fosse and myself rolling our eyes in disbelief and clucking our tongues for all we were worth - and basically losing our shit - that he stepped in and overruled the director and said I'm sorry but you shouldn't have made plans on a day when you're doing a tech and dress rehearsal, you have to stay, cancel your plans (causing one of the girls to burst into tears and the others to bitch furiously in the dressing room at the director, the committee and us for having the temerity to want to do a FULL FREAKING RUN two days before we open, I mean can you believe the rudeness of wanting a full run, its crazy talk!!)
If we hadn't done that I'd have had one full run. One. I was freaking out that they were all going to leave and we'd have only half the cast for the dress rehearsal.
And the bitching, oy the bitching.
And the bint who came and talked to us who Fosse can't stand? - she threw a massive hissy fit because the company wouldn't organise a BABYSITTER for her. She wanted to bring her son to each performance and have someone look after him and the company said I don't freaking think so lady**. And she threatened to walk out. Gah.
The director was apparently thinking of getting her to play the character I'm doing and Fosse nearly died and I think it was at that point that he threw my name into the mix "she's not the right age but at least she can act . . . " And bint is another 'professional actor' and she's fucking useless on stage. Training RUINS some people. She's also the kind who constantly says "well, I've done professional theatre and I've never known a tech run to run so overtime" to which I responded "well, I've been doing amateur theatre for over ten years and this is what its like when people WHO DON'T DO IT FOR A LIVING AND ARE UNPAID VOLUNTEERS GIVING UP THEIR OWN LIVES TO PUT ON A SHOW muddle their way through things, and yeah, sometimes it takes a lot longer than you think it will, I've know tech runs to still be going at midnight princess.***"
End Email

So I say kudo's to Shaneequa for resisting the urge to smack people upside the head at her own recent tech/dress run. Tech runs are THE BEST!! 'Cause yeah its 'just' amateur theatre and people have lives outside their current production, but if you agree to take the part, then you agree to a certain amount of time waste-age. And seriously. No director I have ever known (and this includes you Shaneequa) has ever been able to stick to a timetable for a tech run - they're extremely complicated and frustrating things. So actors? When you are required for a tech run - which is not always - keep quiet, listen to the director and stage manager, move when told, speak when told, shut up when told and stop fucking around with the props because the quicker the techies get the lights and sound completed and ready, the faster we get to get into costume and makeup and get to the fun bit. Its all just common sense really. Sigh.

* and to look at their bio's in the programme, I know this is not so. They've all done a lot of theatre and should have known better.
** there are potential insurance liability issues here.
*** only I said it nicer. A bit.

The fish turned towards shore.

I am greatly saddened by the death of Peter Benchley a week ago. Regular readers (yes, you three) will know about my deep abiding love of his most famous novel and its subsequent blockbuster of a film, Jaws - I have talked about The Best Movie Spielberg Ever Made In My Opinion Thanks almost as many times as I've mentioned The Clooney . . . . well, maybe not as much as I talk about The Clooney because lets face it, I don't think I've done a post recently that hasn't mentioned George, but I digress.

Peter Benchley is dead. So sad.

But that got me thinking about his other books - most of which I've hated - which has lead me to ponder, who are my favourite authors? Could I do a Tallulah's Top Ten Inspiring Ink Slingers? The answer is yes and no. Yes, I could. And in fact have . . . please read on . . . but not a Top Ten, I could only manage a Top Eight . . . ( and a caveat here - whilst I love the authors I will discuss over the next week, I hasten to add that I don't love all their works unconditionally. For instance, I loathe Austen's Emma - the selfish little cow - and think Benchley's White Shark is easily the worst book I've ever read . . . oh hang on no it isn't, yes Stephen King's Dreamcatcher I am looking at you. So I adore these authors most of the time, but do admit that, like any writer, they can sometimes be a tad hit and miss. *coughLaurellKHamiltoncough* . . . and also that they are in no particular order.)

Douglas Adams . . . aaah Douglas. Douglas of my heart. There are two things I would save if my house was burning down (this is assuming that there are no human shaped things still in need of saving) and they are : my cat Giles and my signed copy of HitchHikers Guide To The Galaxy. This is the only other book (along with Jaws) that I have owned multiple copies of - I actually currently own two, the one I can read and the signed one. Shut up. I got it signed when Douglas was here for a Science In Film convention about seven years ago and it represents one of my most cherished possessions.

I discovered his books only after falling in love with the TV series of HH and along with Pratchett, he is one of the few authors whose books I reread on a regular basis. His death upset me greatly and I sobbed openly when I saw the film of HH and the incidental music from the TV show started playing. And yes, I was one of those geeks in the cinema with you who was quoting along with the film. We should all love this man, if only for the Art of Zen Driving, the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster and the fact that he surmised that the love of the British for cricket is the reason Earth has been left alone by aliens. His dissertations on the stupidity of sheep are completely hilarious.

Terry Pratchett . . . Tezza. I have quite a few signed copies of Terry's works. In fact, I once played Nanny Ogg in the first Australian production of Wyrd Sisters and at a book signing when I told Terry I was in the play, he looked me up and down and pronounced that I must be Nanny Ogg. For those who don't know her, she's a short, dumpy witch with an unfailingly cheerful disposition, a tendency to get drunk and sing at the top of her lungs and who owns a particularly mean and nasty tomcat (Greebo) whom she babies ridiculously.
The only real difference between the two of us, is that my kitty isn't mean, nor nasty and is in fact only slightly dumber than the nearest box of hammers. Bless him.

The Discworld books are a triumph.
It must be said that for a while there I did think Terry had gone slightly off the boil, to the point where he was recycling the same storyline ad nauseum. I am delighted to announce that he is right back on track and his last couple of books have been quite good. I just wish he'd get Carrot and Angua married. Or at least get them talking again about the fact that he's (just quietly) the heir to Ankh-Morpork's crown (strawberry shaped birthmark, sword and all) and she's a werewolf who doesn't want to lump the (potential) King with furry children. Also, the Patrician and Ridcully and his merry band of Wizards - the Bursar, the Dean, the Chair of Indefinite Studies etc - are some of the funniest characters ever created. I'd just like a teensy bit of closure for some of them. Other than that, carry on Terry. Good work, that man.

Authors still to come :

Stephen King, Laurell K Hamilton, Jane Austen, Jasper Fforde, Peter Benchley and Sarah Bunting. (Sarah who? You'll see . . . )

I'll sing it to the world . . .

I can't afford to see Split Enz on their re-union tour but I'm fine about that, people - nothing to see here.

(I mean, its not as if Neil Finn was my first ever crush and I've loved him since I saw him in the I Got You music video on Countdown one dusky summer Sunday afternoon. Or that I missed the EnzSo tour in both Melbourne and Perth due to a phenomenally badly timed interstate move. Or that Neil Finn is a god. Or that it is going to be incredibly sad because Paul Hester won't be there. Or that Neil is GOING TO SING MESSAGE TO MY GIRL AND I WON'T BE THERE TO SEE IT. )

I. Am. Fine.
Really.

I'm FINE.

WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT? HAVEN'T YOU EVER SEEN A GROWN WOMAN SOB AT HER WORK DESK?!

*sniff*

Bunny aliens, bunny Freddy Kreuger and bunny Frankenfurter. No, seriously.

http://www.angryalien.com/

Because there is pretty much nothing funnier than a bunny saying in all seriousness that "You're going to need a bigger boat". Watch them all, I dare you to be able to stop at one . . .

The power of three??

Not to sound obsessed or anything over here, but the Oscar noms are virtually minutes* away and if The Clooney isn't nominated for at least three** I'll be superpissed. In my heart he already has one of the little gold statues on his mantle next to his two Golden Globes (which he actually has) and a framed portrait of me (which, I'm guessing he doesn't).***

*Okay its still a couple of hours but I'm excited!

** Supporting Actor - Syriana
Director - Good Night and Good Luck
Screenplay - Good Night and Good Luck (with Grant Heslov - who you might remember as the third member of the Arnold Schwarchneggor/Tom Arnold spy unit from True Lies, and what is it with actors writing these days? George and Grant on this, Dan Futterman - he played Robin William's son in The Birdcage - co-wrote Capote which Phillip Seymour Hoffman keeps winning EVERYTHING for. It's awe-inspiring and freaking me out all at the same time.)

***And in my heart is where that is likely to stay. Bloody Paul Giamatti.

Editors note : now the nominations are out I stand corrected on one point, Dan Futterman didn't co-write Capote, he is nominated solely for Best Adaptation. He's still not as dreamy as The Clooney, though in the spirit of a fellow nominee, I wish him well. On a side note - GO THE CLOONEY!!

Damn you to hell, you talented bastard

Gah. Paul Giamatti won Best Supporting Actor at the SAGs. This does not bode well for George's Oscar win hopes.

I say again, gah.

Oy to the fey

I've had a gay old weekend, quite literally. Australia Day was spent with the sold out crowd at the Rivoli's one o'clock session of Brokeback Mountain, Saturday night I went to a cabaret performance at Chapel off Chapel called Wooing In The Woods for the Midsumma Festival (for those not in the know, the Midsumma Festival is Melbourne's Gay & Lesbian yearly festival) where lots of Sondheim and Other Great Musical Numbers were sung exceedingly well at me, and then Sunday I went back to the Rivoli with Shaneequa to see Brokeback again. I kinda loved the fuck out of that film.

Oscar noms are announced tomorrow and the SAG awards just started in the States so keep your fingers crossed for nominations for Our Boy Heath (even if he doesn't win, which I still don't think he will, we'll see what happens today with the SAGs) and more importantly The Clooney. He picked up TWO nominations in the Best Supporting Actor category at the BAFTA's for Good Night and Syriana. He's GOT to get a nod for one of them for Oscar and the only way I see him losing the SAG today is to that bloody talented Paul Giamatti . . .

What the HELL is going on?

Yahoo news have just reported the death of Chris Penn. Chris Penn. CHRIS PENN. What the fuck? He was only 43. He was in Reservoir Dogs. He was in Footloose! With Kevin Bacon! Can we expect the death of K-Bac in the next couple of weeks?
Gah!! What am I saying??!! Bite my tongue, Kevin Bacon is fine, Kevin Bacon is fine. *turns around twice, throws salt over both shoulders just to be safe and avoids all dark coloured cats*
Now, to be fair, Chris Penn was not a small man. Other than Footloose, I can't remember a film when he wasn't . . . large of girth. They don't know cause of death, but I'd bet you a lifetime supply of hotdogs it was a heart attack.
Man. Great character actors are dropping like flies.
Vale Christopher.

When exactly did my blog turn into Graveyard for Great Character Actors? I'd like it to stop.

Dante's Sixth Level Of Hell

I officially hate the heat with the fire of a thousand blazing suns. Hang on . . . that doesn't work.
I hate the heat with the level of spite and vitriol I normally reserve for ex-boyfriends and the President's Bush - what I like to call Spite Force Five.
Yeah. That's it.

I'm thinking of getting t-shirts made.

Year of the George

A (notso) short list of whom I think will win the Golden Globes starting in just over an hour in the States. Bear in mind that most of these movies haven’t been released here yet so I’m going off gut feeling, reviews I’ve read and blatant bias . . .

Felicity Huffman could quite possibly take both Best Actress in a Drama (Movie) for TransAmerica and Best Actress in a Comedy/Musical (TV) for Desperate Housewives. Reese Witherspoon kind of has Best Actress Comedy/Musical (Movie) locked in for Walk The Line.

The fight for Best Actor in a Drama (Movie) is between Phillip Seymour Hoffman for Capote and Heath Ledger for Brokeback Mountain – coincidentally, both characters are gay. My money’s on Hoffman, because I think he’s more than done his due in the the last ten years. He’s a great character actor and is consistently fantastic in everything he is in, even Twister, whereas Ledger only has one other good film under his belt (Ten Things I Hate About You) and a slew of crap ones.

I think Best Director might be between Ang Lee for Brokeback Mountain and my boy George for Good Night and Good Luck. I think you know who I want to win, but I wouldn’t mind if it was Ang as well, which it probably will be.

George however, has the Best Supporting Actor (Drama) all sewn up for Syriana. If he doesn’t win, I shall be most perturbed. I’d love to see him get a Best Screenplay nod for GN&GL as well, but don’t think we should push it. Although, if he doesn’t win director, there is every possibility that Screenplay will be his consolation. (Good Will Hunting, anyone?) Regardless, his acceptance speech for whatever he wins will be great – when he won for O Brother Where Art Thou? a couple of years ago he was freaking hilarious. I have Great Expectations.

TV noms
Desperate Housewives for Best Comedy (where is Arrested Developments' nomination, Hollywood Foreign Press, you bastards?!?)
Lost for Best Drama
I’d LOVE to see Hugh Laurie win Best Actor Drama for House and Patricia Arquette Best Actress for Medium

More movies
Joaquin Phoenix (Walk The Line) or Jeff Daniels (The Squid and the Whale) for Best Actor Comedy/Musical (Movie)
Michelle Williams will most likely win Supporting Actress (Brokeback)
Best Movie Drama will probably be Brokeback and Best Comedy/Musical either Walk The Line or The Squid and the Whale.

My fingers shall remain firmly crossed for George and his films but the gay cowboys will most likely come out on top. If only George had played one of the cowboys then we’d see some SERIOUS award action coming his way . . .

Oh, for crying out loud

I love The Poseidon Adventure, its one of my favourite films and inducted me at a young age into a morbid love of 70's disaster films - yes, I even like the godawful 'modern' ones like Volcano and even Daylight, which was essentially TPA set in a tunnel with Sylvester Stallone instead of the awesome Gene Hackman, its crap but I'll still watch it if I'm changing channels and I see Amy Brenneman pluckily saving the lives of others by using her sneakers to grab a live electrical cable . . . damn . . . . excuse me, I have to go rent it now - and one of my favourite bits in TPA is the wonderful Shelley Winters telling Gene Hackman that in the water she's still a skinny lady. Her death scene (hope I'm not spoiling this or the soon to be released re-make) after that is truly sad and she thoroughly deserved her Oscar nom. Also loved her on Roseanne as Rosie's crazy ass loudmouthed losing her mind grandmother . . .

Its been a bad couple of weeks for Hollywood. And with the glut of yearly award ceremonies starting tomorrow, (first up are the Golden Globes - The Clooney is nominated for THREE and to prove he is interconnected with everything, George was in the early seasons of Roseanne also) the producers must be scrambling to cut time from something so they can expand the In Memoriam section. Sigh.

i've never been there either kate . . .

I got Australian Idol 2005 Winner (Team)Kate DeAraugo's album from MamaBelle and PapaBelle for Christmas and have been listening to it on and off for the last couple of weeks and I have this to say :
I think it's pretty good.
I love Faded (which I believe will be the next single) and was co-written by those cute little Veronicas girls. The song sounds very Kelly Clarkson in style (as does track 7 Victim), which I think is perfect for TeamKate's husky cords. Maybe Tonight still remains the best of the Idol Winner Singles (Poor Poor Casey - sigh) and I like the version of Heaven they've included but wish it was stripped back even further than it is. I am DEEPLY distraught that Impossible Dream isn't on it - specifically the live version she did at the Opera House where she made my chest ache just a little, she was that good. (Seriously, she sang the shit out of that song that night. Exceptional vocally.)
The rest of the album is fairly standard pop/rnb/soul fare but is still worthy of selling a freaking heap more CDs than it would appear she is currently.

But there are two tracks on it that aren't remotely up to scratch (writing wise) and feel undercooked (tracks 8 & 9 for those playing at home). They have a 'filler' feel about them and practically scream Skip Button at me as soon as they start.

Those two fillers aside, I think this is a better First CD Rushed Out PreXmas So BMG Can Get Lots And Lots Of Sales, Gee That Doesn't Seem To Be Working Anymore Perhaps We Should Let The Winner Have More Than A Week To Record It And Perhaps Some Sleep As Well, What Do You Think Dicko Please Come Back??!!! than Poor Poor Casey's and even a better one than Guy's. (Yeah, I said it.)

So get out there and buy it kids. And get yourself a copy of Spook while you're at it . . .

An open letter to the new kid on the block

Dear 2006,

Hi there. How you doing so far? Not so great, right? I mean, we’re just five days in and I think we’re off to a bit of a rocky start, what with Ariel Sharon and no decision on the fate of Arrested Development yet and another year where it doesn’t look like George Bush will keep his yap shut. I can see you’ve got your hands full already, but I just wanted to touch base with you about me. I know its selfish to be thinking of me when Lindsay Lohan is battling drugs and bulimia, but hey - if I don’t worry about me, who will? (You know, other than my mother.)
I do have a few complaints regarding your predecessor. 2005 wasn’t . . . great to me. For most of January I thought things were going to be okay, but towards the end of that first month shit kind of started sliding uphill, my feet got dirty and the whole thing - well - it just lost momentum that I never really got back. In short, it sucked. Now, I can’t lay the blame all at 2005’s feet, a lot of the screwups were my own, but I think its fair to say that 2005 didn’t really try to make things any easier on me. Once one little thing went wrong, a BUNCH of others went ass up as well, almost as though 2005 got some kind of perverse pleasure seeing how far it could push me before I cracked.
I’d like to think that we can get beyond any and all past indiscretions and to that end, I’d appreciate if you threw out the - I’m sure - quite damning TallulahBelle manila folder 2005 has left on your desk. Wowwww. Look at that thing, how many pages is that? Its quite comprehensive isn’t it? Can I just have a look at what it says about June 28th . . . oh DUDE, that is so not cool, I was having a very tough week when I said that . . . what about the week I . . . HEY . . . come ON, I apologised NUMEROUS times for those remarks and WHERE does 2005 think it gets off drawing a moustache and glasses on my headshot like that?? God, how many servings of humble pie do I need to eat? That is just ridiculously childish and . . . NO. I will not dwell on it any further, look seriously, just put this whole file in the bin, its just mean and spiteful and frankly quite typical of the relationship 2005 and I shared and I think you and I are better than that.
Thankyou.
I think you and I can come together and enjoy a non-hostile working relationship. I feel good about 2006, I really do. I see great things in our future together, a lot of mutual back scratching and general fabulousness. I just want what everyone else wants from you. A happy home, happy relationship, a little world peace and several awards of note for George Clooney - acting or directing, I'm not fussy.
Anyway, please enjoy the chocolates and the flowers and the muffin gift basket. Feel free to drop me a line anytime, I’m always available for chats and discussions with you.
2006 and me = Best Friends Forever!!

Love TallulahBelle
xx

PS 2005 had several extra unwanted kilos delivered to my ass and upper body last year. What’s your returns policy?

Stop it.

Could great character actors please stop dying? Thanks.

He was in The Rock and Green Card.

John Spencer would have been 59 today.

He died suddenly Friday morning (US time) of a heart attack. Chances are you didn’t know his name, but you would have recognised his face. He starred in LA Law for a while, and for years after that show ended whenever I saw him in a film or gueststarring on something, I called him Tommy (after his LaLa character). It wasn’t until The West Wing and the complete and utter melding of actor and character that Tommy became John Spencer again, who in turn became Leo McGarry. Leo McGarry was his character on TWW, recovering alcoholic, Chief of Staff, one of my favourite characters in one of my alltime favourite shows (and quite frankly a representation of how I wish the White House currently was - ie full of democrats).
He was an astounding character actor who imbued Leo McGarry with a warmth and believability that is often missing from TV drama. Along with the Soprano’s (both shows started in 1999 and hit Australian TV around the same time and were both unceremoniously dumped in the latenight time slot for vampires and those of us who exist on five hours sleep a night) and in later years Six Feet Under, The West Wing reinvented drama television. Smart writing, smart characters, whip fast dialogue that didn’t stop to let you catch up and the assumption that their audience was smart enough not to be needed to be spoon fed information. Watching the first few seasons of TWW was better than any uni course on How American Politics Works could ever be. I learned about the filibuster, I learned about lame duck congress, I learned about congress and what gubernatorial meant. When That Awful Thing That I Still Can’t Talk About Without Going Into A Mouth Foaming Rage (better known as the stolen 2000 elections) happened, I found myself glued to CNN and Fox and I was understanding (but not really liking so much) what Tucker Carlson and Bill O’Reilly and James Carville were telling me about the Senate and the House and why the Supreme Court was so heavily Republican and why this horrid, horrid thing was happening.
In 2001 when the actually really awful thing happened and the planes hit the twin towers, I will always remember that it was reported during the last ad break of an especially poignant episode of TWW (18th and Potomac). A favourite character (White House Presidential Secretary, Mrs Landingham) had been killed in a car accident and Charlie (Presidential Aide) was breaking the news to Leo. The camera just . . . stays on John Spencer’s face as Leo digests this news. It is heartbreakingly beautifully acted. In fact, acted doesn’t even seem the right word, because it connotes a certain artificiality and there was nothing artificial about John Spencer’s Leo McGarry. It seems fitting that the season he won an Emmy for was that second season, he deserved it for that scene alone.
The acting world is a lesser one for the loss of this great character actor but with three seasons left that I haven’t fully seen yet (thank YOU very much Channel Nine, please be good to the fans ABC) including the seventh season currently airing in the states, at least I have a lot more John Spencer and Leo McGarry to look forward to.
And that’s not a bad thing.
Vale John. Happy birthday, we miss you already.

I think I'll see fat Clooney instead, thanks.

King Kong is three hours long. Sorry, its over three hours long. Seriously. No, seriously, it is. It is 187 minutes. Does Peter Jackson not own a watch or have ANY concept of time - and the bladder and its tendency to make you want to, you know, PEE at the two and a half hour mark - at all? And also? Movie about an ape. Starring Naomi Watts. Three hours of Naomi Watts. Look, I like her a lot more than I like her sharper, less talented twin Nicole Kidman - and no I don't know why she has an Academy Award but I suspect it was some kind of payoff for being married to That Scientologist* - but still. (Nicole and Naomi apparently both went to the same school of Open Mouthed Acting. Watch The Ring and The Others back to back, you'll see what I mean.) I don't think I care enough about this film to sit through three freaking hours. I don't care if Jack Black and Colin Hanks are in it. I don't.

Syriana - 126 minutes. George Clooney, Matt Damon, Jeffrey Wright, Amanda Peet. Okay, so The Clooney may have put on 35 pounds and nearly killed himself during this film but I could watch Syriana and then walk straight into a screening of Good Night and Good Luck which is 93 minutes and The Clooney in black and white (yummy!) - and also the immensely talented and underrated David Strathairn and Robert Downey jr and The Clooney directing - and still meet up with people seeing King Kong for coffee afterwards (admittedly this only works if Syriana and GN&GL have no ads or trailers and KK has the usual bloated half hour of previews . . .) Guess which option I'm going to take? You only get one guess and if its wrong you need to stop being someone I know . . .

*Oh, alright. Nicole was extremely good in The Hours, there I said it. I don't think she was better than Julianne Moore was in that film but she was still extremely good and probably deserved to win. Happy Fosse? Begrudglingly sharing that has made me feel dirty . . .

Yeah? Well, you can take your Yuletide spirit and SHOVE IT.

Shut up tinsel. Shut up dancing Santa. Shut up parking at Chadstone Shopping Centre. (What's that, random lady in the blue Mitsubishi? You were there first? Actually, you weren't, that car in front of me was AND he had his indicator on indicating that he was taking that spot before you even turned down this aisle so don't you DARE honk your horn angrily at him and then yell at me when I tell you he was there first because darling? I DON'T CARE. I'm still desperately trying to find a spot for myself and have been for about 25 minutes and I just want to get into Bra's N Things and spend this voucher and it will take less time to do that than it has taken to park, so take your road rage and SHOVE IT.) Shut up carols piped into local Coles. Shut up stupid Christmas Card list. Shut up personal inability to cope with people humming and/or whistling Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. Shut UP overdrawn credit cards and definitely shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP measly $15.00 left until payday.

Christmas is cancelled. Do you hear me? CANCELLED. Bah, humbug. Unless someone finally gets me that George Clooney I've had my eye on and wanted for ages . . .