Hang on Sloopy. Sloopy, hang on.

Its time for my Annual 60’s Theme Night Disappointment as once again, no-one busted out These Boots Are Made For Walking, Wooly Bully or Sugar Sugar by the Archies. I am a land of bitter disappointment surrounded by a sea of discontent as a wind of snark bloweth over me. Another disappointing lacklustre night of performances hindered by really really REALLY crappy song choices. Really. Weren’t the 60’s peppered with far out groovy numbers that made ya want to shake your thang, or did you need to be out of your gourd on LSD to truly appreciate them? If so, then obviously the judges have themselves some sweeeet dealer because I will accept no other explanation for them thinking Milly was actually good. Oh, yeah, tell me someone was stoned, please.

(Kate has) All My Loving.
Best performance of the night. I LOVE this girl more and more each week (‘ware Roxane, you’re slipping). She has mixed it up, ballad last week, uptempo number this week – she’s showing us range, she’s pitch perfect with everything she sings and she just plain out-awesome’s everyone around her.

(Natalie makes it) Hurt So Bad.
I don’t mind Natalie until she starts singing. She has proven to be quite a funny little munchkin, but the singing is starting to annoy me. She was very Local Shopping Centre Talent Show last night (and I should know, I entered quite a few of the damn things back in the 80’s) What happened to the power ballad Nat? She would have done a fabulous job with What The World Needs Now or a Dione Warwick number, but no. A song that was covered better by Bowie and Jagger, and when I think Mick Jagger sings something better then someone, you’re in trouble. If she wanted to do a ‘cover’ of someone’s song, she should have tried on The Sundays version of Rolling Stones song Wild Horses.

(DreadyDan England took me on a) Magic Carpet Ride.
Songs Movies Have Ruined For TallulahBelle As Brought Back To Life By DreadyDan, Mk II. He made me hate Unchained Melody just a little less. He has a GREAT falsetto, lets hear that a little more, but he backed away from really nailing it. Holden was right, he was worried about some of those notes because he was sweating big time on stage. Watching him I wanted nothing more than a Sing Off between him and the CourtJester – they have very similarly brilliant voices. And MASSIVE props to whomever had the sign in the crowd that read “Lie back and think of England”. Fucking A. A for Awesome.

(Anne) Baby, Its You.
Anne was doing the nervous swallowing thing again, its starting to irritate me – like Paulini’s breathing (yeah, thanks Shaneequa) but she still managed to sing really well, hit most of her notes and once again closely shadow Kate and DreadyDan for best performance. She’s a fairly class act and those of us with Foxtel who watch the Extra show on Channel V know how incredibly cool her mum is. Also, she can sing, so hurrah for girlfrAnne . . .

(James) I Started A Joke.
FIHJ as Tom Jones is the new bogeyman under my bed who makes me have to sleep with the lights on and a baseball bat in one hand. Graaaah. *shudder*
Alright, being objective about his singing? He can sing. He was in fairly decent pitch with this song, he was enthusiastic and approaching HappyLee territory but he gives me nuttin. Best bit? When he tried to get the crowd to sing along and they showed the crowd sitting mutely in their seats just clapping to the beat – but especially that one kid in the front who looked askance at the camera as if to say “can you believe this shit?” With some really decent vocal coaching (and a year or two in a dentists chair) FIHJ could maybe take the world by storm. Regardless, he’s so safe this week you could store jewellery in him.

(Emily says) I’m Sorry.
The only words I want to hear out of Emily is a profound and heartfelt apology for getting the words to Respeito wrong. It is not, nor has it ever been TCP. It is TCB, which stands for Taking Care of Business. And? She shouted the whole damn song. Respect is a very hard song to sing and sound like you’re not shouting and quite possibly Aretha Franklin is the only person in the world who can do it because Mamma has a nice set of pipes. Emily’s aren’t that strong and it was a really strange arrangement. I didn’t get the whole repeating of the R-E-S-P-E-C-T part, mostly because I was horrified that she got it wrong, but doing it twice made it lose impact with me. I was also perplexed that Kyle thought that the previous years winners were so obvious. Really? I thought Cosima might win season one (and still think she could have if she hadn’t shredded her vocal cords) and season two it was RickiLee and then Anthony. Much as I thought Casey was a better performer (penchant for forgetting lyrics aside), her winning still kinda came out of left field.

(Seriously, Roxane) Its Now or Never.
Chipmunk needs to pick it up. She has been bettered two weeks in a row by both Kate and Anne, and her voice is easily as good as if not better then both. She started off weak and breathy but lifted by the second half. I am saddened. And she did sound trepidatious Mark, like she didn’t know the song as well as she should and she doesn’t have Ms Casey’s excuse of school during the day . . . step it up Roxie, I don’t wanna lose you!!

(Daniel, ouch) Are You Lonesome Tonight?
I feel good, da na na na na na na, I knew that I would. Lather, rinse, repeat. Blah. Daniel’s a really strange one. He can sing better than Shannon Noll but he’s not choosing better songs. His falsetto obviously heard DreadyDan’s and fled the building, and once again his IV of Courage (™ Red) has run out and he has The Fear again. He just gave up once he screwed up the falsetto and sleepwalked through the rest of the song. At least he wasn’t shouting, but I think I actually missed that. THANK YOU Mark for calling out Marcia on the fence sitting, gah (you know what’s coming) shutUP Marcia. He was well below par and he should be told that, not mollycoddled. Second worst performance of the night.

(I want Laura) Never On Sunday.
I resisted the urge to use Tell Laura I Love Her, for the simple reason that I don’t, but Laura is totally pulling this years Emilia trick of picking songs that suit her weaker voice and is getting away with it. Its in the perfect mid register for her and consequently she sounded okay. I still wouldn’t pay money to watch her perform or buy an album and I don’t think she should be in BDTT. I did still hate her actual ‘performance’ of the song – Oh look! She’s just so very happy that a guy treated her like shit and her heart is broken into a bazillion pieces, isn’t that neat-o??!! – and thank you Mark and (grudgingly) Marcia for pulling her up on it.
I coveted her boots. I feel dirty.

(Lee, look everyone) My Boyfriend's Back (I know its the 50's but I couldn't resist)
Yay!! Cheeky irrepressible sexy Lee is back with an attitude appropriate song! Granted it was the Smashmouth version but it soooo suited him that I’m in love again and using exclamation points like I bought them on sale!!! He still can’t win (and really, shouldn’t) but damnit, yay for cheeky Lee! He sung it well and performed it well.

Sidebar : I was at Ms Eupholoofo’s place last night for pizza, red wine and Idol and she happened to note, whilst I was in mid-gush about how cute I thought Lee was, that his hair was kinda similar to Tim from BB05 . . . Euph?? I direct you to the following posts . . I love Tim and I still love Tim

(Oh Milly dearest) Don’t Let The Sun Catch You Crying.
She started off soooo promising but then . . . sigh. You told us to 'watch you now' and then bragged about all the dance moves you could do and proceeded to NOT do any of them. I confused. Whether or not we love you, seems to hinge on the answer to the following question (and at the moment ‘tis a resounding ‘no’.) Can you actually dance? Because you can’t hit that note . . . or that one, ooooh or that one . . . please stop. Milly, please join Chris Luder in the Welcome Officially Worn Out Penalty Box. I don’t know why the judges thought that was great when I think it was almost as bad as Laura’s Top 30 performance. Lacklustre, listless and lackadaisical. Worst performance of the night. Consider yourself tipped to go.

So bottom three for me should be Milly, Daniel, James, Emily, Laura etc etc. I think the bottom three will be all girls, I doubt a guy is going anywhere at this point in the game with all the estrogen still in the competition.
Safe as houses : Kate, DreadyDan and Anne. The rest? Its a crap shoot.

(Happy Red??!!)