. . . must . . . show . . . interest . . .

*sleeps in*

*reads newspaper*

*drinks too much coffee, wanders around the house, briefly considers alphabetising DVD's and CD's*

*has lunch, does dishes, watches same Gilmore Girls episode twice*

*twiddles thumbs*

*sighs, reluctantly sits down to write blog about Final Three*

Okay. So. Killer Fatigue has totally kicked in, hasn't it? Granted I was sick last week and doing a show at the same time which is why there was no Idol recap but I still haven't watched last weeks show and it had Chris motherfucking Isaak in it. I'm assuming he was awesome and blew everyone's minds. I also assume that Teale was solid but dull, Luke was gruff and surprisingly good (at some point we'll stop being surprised by that, I'm sure), Mark was sexy in a way that only I and Andrew G seem to appreciate and The Messiah continued The Journey Of Awesome, yeah? And if anyone actually thought that Teale wasn't the next to go, well, I'd suggest that person may perhaps have never seen the show before. Still. I can't believe I haven't watched Chris motherfucking Isaak yet. By all accounts, he rocked everyone's world. It's still on tape. I'll get to it. Eventually.

But on to Final Three performance night! Tally ho! The boys rock out to start the show with Red Ribbons attached to their lapels, which, they're a bit early for World Aids Day but still, they gets major points for effort and . . . what the hell is going on with G's hair? Has he had it cut? Has his home shower lost it's pressure? Is he taking the four minute shower seriously? Because no, bad hair, BAD G. Shower with Mathieson, that gives you eight minutes - you can wash each other's hair. Back to the show, Tiny Tina Arena is back in the country and mentoring/judging this week! Yay! She was great the week she helped in London. The boys dance around the stage like teenagers (they were so in love with her on Young Talent Time, you just know it) as she comes sauntering out, kissing them both (one on each cheek, European style) and insisting they stand on either side of her. Host sandwich! Me next! She gets a little handsy with Mathieson, but who wouldn't given the chance?!

Round One

Luke Dickens kicks off the show with a song I would SO do if I was on Idol, Steelers Wheel's 'Stuck In The Middle With You' - and if he sexy psycho dances like Mr Blonde in Reservoir Dogs around a strapped-to-a-chair Kyle Sandilands, cuts off his ear and throws petrol on him, then Mr Dickens will get my vote this week. I approve of the new facial hair, by the way, although he looks more and more like my darling cousin, K. Luke actually does some lovely things with this song, throwing in a nice melodic lilt to the usual lyric and it really suits his voice. He still has that slightly surprised jaunt to his eyebrows, the one that says "I'm still here? Really? Okay" and that then pops open a can of VB and lights a Winnie Blue. He has expressive eyebrows, they're much easier to read now that they're not hiding behind The Facial Hair Of Ew. Good song choice, well played, but points deducted for singing in between the two girl backing vocalists. Neither of whom look terribly impressed once they work out which one is the Clown and which one is the Joker. Their eyebrows promise that there will be repercussions later for this. The Joker may even show Luke a magic trick that involves a pencil, a desk and someone who has seen The Dark Knight too many times.

Dicko calls it an awesome start and then talks about Luke's Journey!!1! and says he needs to take his shearing gear to Cash Convertors because he's here to stay. Marcia prattles about it being a singing and performance competition and that he has himself really together when he comes on stage and that she watches the audience too much. Well, we all knew it and now it's confirmed, Brown Sugar doesn't pay attention when they sing! Tiny Tina calls it comfortable and connected and lauds his diction as most improved. Kyle gets pervy about his younger days and Tiny Tina's hot factor, making us all very very uncomfortable, then calls Luke brilliant and compliments his song choice and tells him he's ripe for a spot at the Opera House. whatserface reminds us that tomorrow is the last perf night and that the Final Two will perform their New! Original! Songs! Written! Just! For! Them! Is she still on the show? I'd hoped that the raw, earthy sexuality of Chris motherfucking Isaak may have shattered her into a billion tiny unfixably fired pieces, but no such luck huh?

Still hot Mark Spano has chosen a song I've never ever heard or heard of, Fuel's 'Bad Day' and chats with Tiny Tina about being a 'dark cat'. Mark and his kind of sucky (but still sexy) black vest stand in the middle of the stage as he performs what can only be described as sweet sweet fellating love to his microphone and stand. To the side of the stage, Andrew G shifts uncomfortably and takes notes. This is a really great song choice for him, it's very suited to his voice, even if I don't stand 100% behind the 'ahahahah' thing he does at the end. He sings it extremely well.

Marcia again talks about watching the audience and tells Mark the Screaming Idol Fangirlies were with him the entire way. Tiny Tina tells him it was a great performance but reminds him to open his beautiful Italian eyes and use them to connect with the audience. Can anyone really give good head and keep their eyes open the entire time? It's hard. I've heard. Kyle, what do you have to say on the subject? He agrees it's a hard thing to do because you want to get in there and give it your everything, especially on tv - and I'm tempted to say that Kyle is talking about something different to me but then he asks the ladies in the audience who liked Mark's pole work and there, right there, Kyle Sandilands and I are on the same wavelength, and I need a scalding Silkwood hot shower. Dicko also didn't know the song and says it was like watching him do an original - he says he sold the narrative, the energy and his rock credentials. G comes out and plays with the mike stand, sliding his hand up and down it - and I am not making this stuff up! It's on the tape! Up and down! (Dirty!)

Wes Carr is singing 'Easy', which he contributes to Faith No More, which is the version most people would know but it was originally done by The Commodores, as G notes when he introduces it. The hat is back. I've been wanting him to do a proper ballad-y song for weeks. This isn't what I meant. It's done okay, he sings it okay, but you can really pick out the quaver in his voice when he slows down and it's not as effective as I might have hoped. The harmonica is an outstanding touch but the slow arm wave he does afterwards is not. Hmmm.

Tiny Tina calls him a superstar and tongue bathes him about not being shy about coming from the Johnny Young Talent School. Wes smiles that you shouldn't be embarrassed by your roots and he says that only because he can't see the almost inch thick brown roots I'm rocking at the moment that are cutting into the red. Must do something about that. Back to Tiny Tina who says he consistently makes things his own and that he's going to have a great Journey!!1! and she wants to be around to see it. You'll need to stay in Australia for that Tiny Tina, our Idols don't fare too well outside the immediate border. Kyle mocks Wes' inability to take a compliment and then turns on Johnny Young. Dicko calls him the most consistent contestant the show has ever had but tells him to stick to his rock phrasing and avoid the pop phrasing he did at the beginning which got lost but he still loved it. Marcia doesn't know what Dicko's talking about because Wes gave it a 'vibe'. Fuck off with your 'vibe', Marcia. She loves how he layers the songs and says he did a great job. Mathieson wants to know if he's done enough to grab the competition by the balls. Love your work, Jimmy.

whatserface badly interviews a friend of Wes and the boys spruik for Mazda. G stumbles a bit on his words and Mathieson finds it extremely amusing.

Round One; winner is Mark, runner up is Luke and sidling into last place is The Messiah. Huh.

Round Two

Luke's second song is Elton John's 'I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues'. He gets off to a very tremulous, trepidatious start, his voice almost sounds a little weak; it might be the fact that he's seated on a stool, it might be the open collar on his shirt throwing off his centre of gravity or it might be the fact that LUKE IS SINGING AN ELTON JOHN SONG. It's Teale-like in its lack of exciting, earth shattering greatness. His voice climbs and sounds much better once he ditches the verses and the stool but it's not on a par with his first performance.

Kyle calls it great, loving the way he is tuning himself into a fine machine. Dicko was excited at his song choice and says that on paper, it was a brilliant song for him but that he wasn't great to start with (aaaaah, back on track with similar thoughts to Dicko and not Kyle, phew, I can relax) but that he got back into it and had a great finish. Brown Sugar says as far as she's concerned he did get there and gives him a 'well done'. Tiny Tina says it's not her favourite Elton song and although he sang it well she felt like he drifted off and didn't physically sell it to her. She gives major props to the band. G stands off to the side and was so distracted by his short term memory of Spanner making out with the mike stand that he doesn't realise Sandilands already gave his 'critique' and then confesses that Elton John was his first concert. It explains SO much.

whatserface calls it the toughest Final Three race to the Opera House EVER! The subtitles of her gritted teeth inform us that wouldn't be the case if she had made it to Final Three her season. Somewhere Courtney Murphy throws something at the television and eats some more pie. (Seriously, where is Courtney? I fucking LOVED that guy. Where is my Courtjester CD??)

Sidebar; Is that Heidi Klum in the new Guitar Hero World Tour ad? And if so, can we get another one with Tim Gunn at some point? Maybe strumming the chords to Smoke On The Water? Cool. Tim Gunn is The Shit, he's awesome. Watch Project Runway if you don't believe me.

If anyone buys the Top Ten CD (and really, no Brooke? Kiss my ass, show) please let me know how lame it is.

Mark's second song is the fabulous 'Smooth' by Rob Thomas and Santana and he pulls at his shirt buttons and really? Oh Mark. He crouches and hovers over the camera and winks and plays up his sexy and NO, honey, sexy is not something you work at, it just is and you normally have it but not when you're trying so hard. Bad Spanner. He flirts with the excellent guitar playing soloist and then kind of meanders around the stage. He works his way over to the Screaming Idol Fangirlies and finishes up with a half Jesus Pose. It's well sung, but not his best work. Like Luke before him, his first song was much much better.

Dicko calls him Spanner and says that's a much harder song to sing than it appears at first glance because of the low sexy growl you have to do at the beginning - and maybe I missed it because I was so horrified by the mugging he was doing but I don't remember sexy growling and I'm normally ALL over that kind of thing. Dicko says he let rip and it was very sexy. I am SO confused. Marcia and Tiny Tina tell him he's cheeky and they don't have the right camera angle on him but he obviously starts to take off his shirt and they playfully screech at him to stop it, now!! You're so naughty! Like they're eight year olds in the playground pushing over the kid they really really like but don't want or know how to tell. Tiny Tina reminds him he had decided he didn't want to do the song but she told him to step outside the box so he could learn and he learned tonight. Then she reminds him to be humble and he thanks her and ducks his head and blinks those long lashed big brown eyes at her and THERE'S THE SEXY. Thank god, I thought it was gone. Call back the hounds. Kyle asks him to teach him about the shirt and button thing and Spanner flashes a nipple at the audience who go out of their freaking minds and if he makes Final Two instead of Luke, it may just be the nip that pips Luke at the post. Mathieson comes out and they do up each other's buttons and somewhere backstage G is losing his freaking mind and hoping he remembered to set the VCR to record tonights show.

Final performance of the night is The Messiah and his guitar as they perform The Beatles 'Get Back' - and I will say Elton John and Fuel aside, the Idol's have managed to hit a few of my favourite songs tonight. The guitar solo at the beginning is OUT. STANDING. It's a great performance all round in fact, and if I'm slightly disappointed that the twitchy leg doesn't get as much camera time as I would have liked (I missed it!) and that he didn't tell Loretta to get back as well as JoJo, he more than makes up for it with his Neil Finn-esque head tilt and dedication to be truly fucking amazing and living up to his nickname. And lo! The angel did appear and delivered unto us all a shaggy haired, oft be-hatted God of Rock. And we saw that it was good.

Dicko and Marcia give him a standing ovation and right away we can see where this is heading. Touchdown Territory. And really, the TD's have been infinitely less painful this season because they have, on the whole, been rather worthy - Spanner's 'Angie', Wes' 'Black and White' for instance and now this. Marcia calls it a great way to finish a great year and thanks him and the other contestants of Aus Idol and whilst I'm struggling to summon the energy to care about Idol this season, Wes and Mark (and to a lesser extent Luke) are excellent musicians and performers and some of the more interesting contestants they've ever had on this show. I mean, I wouldn't rate them higher than Chanel Cole or Damien Leith, but they're not too far below them. Tiny Tina is literally wordless for the first five seconds of her critique and babbles at him before telling him to enjoy the Journey!!1! and not to forget people's names along the way. Marcia and Tiny Tina have been drinking or something because they're about falling off their chairs in hysterics at this. Kyle and Dicko just look dumsquizzled. Kyle shakes his head at the Screaming Idol Fangirlies who want him to give a Touchdown and says he won't because that was better than a TD. He says that very rarely in a rock performance do you deserve a tv throw and then throws the tiny little tv in front of him at The Messiah! OH&S, dude. You could have injured his guitar/harmonica hand with that thing. Idiot. Dicko has never been one to pay any freaking attention to what Kyle says and throws him a well deserved Touchdown, noting that Holden hates him anyway. The crowd goes APESHIT. G notes to Kyle that he didn't actually break it and Mathieson drolly smirks that he throws like a girl. I'd actually like to point out that he probably actually throws like an unfit annoying radio personality git carrying a little too much weight who won't go away and take whatserface with him, but you know. Potato/potato.

Round Two; winner is The Messiah, runner up is a tie between Luke and Spanner.

Tough call to say who should be Final Two. I'd like it to be Mark and Wes because that's what I called oh so many weeks ago and I've only ever been right once about the Final Two before, but I'll take a Wes/Luke or a Luke/Mark because I think Wes and Mark will be fine regardless and Luke will probably be okay as well.

TallulahBelle out.