Okay, maybe not aliens. Truth is, since the show aired Wednesday night I've been wandering the streets of Perth in a daze. I haven't known which way to turn. Should I join a religious cult, maybe become a Scientologist or get a bicycle and a mens suit and move to Salt Lake City and teach the ways of the Mormon's? Up has been down, black has been white, cats have loved dogs and I liked Lavina Williams performance. No, strike that. I LOVED Lavina Williams' performance.
I DON'T KNOW WHO I AM ANYMORE.
I'm going to retrace my footsteps, maybe see exactly where it all went so horribly, tragically, disfiguringly wrong . . .
We open the final night of semi-finals with the winners from the previous night. G and Mathieson have swapped again and G completely and utterly breaks my fucking heart by NOT announcing that Ricky Muscat is through. No, its Joseph Gatehau. You guys. Thats crap. Idiotic self deluded fucking fifteen year olds should not be allowed mobile phones!! I mean, its no Laura Gissara but still. Thats pretty fucked, right there. Joseph is barely articulate and Kyle gets an 'amen' from me in the peanut gallery, when he advises Joseph to step it the hell up and that he can't coast on cute anymore. G makes me much much happier by then announcing Bobby Flynn is through and I've worked it out - dude is a spaceman from another planet and his hair is actually another sentient being who is filtering out all the pollution and pesticides in our atmosphere and keeping Bobby alive. Bobby thanks god. I'm almost certain he's taking the piss.
Onto the girls!!
First up is Raechel Lee, another 'new' contestant we've never seen before, she's an absolute cutie and she's singing another Australian anthem - Paul Kelly's Dumb Things. Its not a bad choice for her voice, she has a strong Aussie rock pub voice crossed with Kasey Chambers. She's extremely ocker and is a tad breathy. She also gets some pitch problems towards the end, most likely because of the breathiness, and there's a quaver to her voice and I can't tell if its a natural one or if its nerves. Mark loves her Aussie twang and Marcia also compliments the individuality that she brings to the competition. Kyle says he's a fan of her voice but that the performance came off as awkward and boring. G shoots back that Kyle just has a problem with any music released before 1999. To give us some background on Raechel, G talks with her about the fact that she's played the US, Canada and Nashville (which I always thought was in the US . . . its okay G, you're pretty) with her family band. Hmmm. I'm going with natural quaver and not nerves . . . I don't think she'll get in tomorrow night, but they should Wildcard the little spitfire.
Sidebar : I was at dinner with grandparents and so had to ask my father to tape Idol for me - he objected quite strenuously to having to tape 'that crap' but as I'm only in town for another couple of days visiting, he decided to pony up and make me happy - so I'm watching this on tape . . .
Lavina Williams. Lavina, Lavina, Lavina. Sigh. I take my natural Darwinesque aversion to her sister and tuck it into a box under my chair. I WILL try to be neutral, I WILL. She's much easier on the eye than her sister but by god she's singing Aretha Franklin's Natural Woman??!! I have to pause the tape here whilst my poor addled brain recovers from the pain that another Williams is singing Aretha. Midway through her performance I freak myself out completely by taking back EVERYTHING I EVER SAID ABOUT THIS GIRL. She is NOT her sister. Her voice is astounding clear, her tone is incredible, she performs one of the best key changes I have EVER seen attempted on this show and the glory note is perfect. It was everything an Aretha deserves. I would take every touchdown Holden ever gave her screeching sister and give them all to Lavina. I can't believe this, but I love this performance. I love it. I am so fucking confused right now. Marcia babbles about a song steeped in tradition and she tore it up. Mark babbles about how he loves you 'Williams' girls', that she showed impressive range but that she's missing 'fire'. I'm still punchdrunk from loving her and mistakenly think he's talking about Serena and Venus and something to do with their backhand drop shot. Kyle loved it and then takes me back to the glory days of hating Kyle when he comments on her weight - 'you're a bigger girl' who knows how to dress - the fuck? No, she is not a bigger girl, you git. He then kind of makes it better by saying that normally she looks like a hip hop chick who would stab you and I almost fall off my chair laughing. Lavina calls it all a humbling experience and I am once again astounded at how different she actually is to her sister, but to be fair, it took a couple of weeks before Emily got that higher than thou, attitude of enititlement that drove me bug eyed fucking crazy. I hope fervently that Lavina, that way does not go when she hits the Top 12, because even without the fans of her sister who will randomly vote for her anyway, she's in the Top 12, no question.
Next up is Moulin Rouge dancer Rebecca Pearce who is doing Breathless from Days of Thunder. There is some discussion when she starts as to whether this is from Days of Thunder or from Top Gun, but that is quickly forgotten when it becomes blatantly clear that Rebecca is flubbing it. Her singing is flowery and weak, her power notes are insipid, she's pitchy, she's blah. She's history. (At this point I think I've seen the worst performance of the night but oh, how wrong can one person be??). Mark adds insult to injury by telling her (and lets face it, she's painfully aware how bad she was) that it was like the talent section of a Wagga Wagga beauty contest. Marcia says she knows nerves played a big part in it and is sympathetic. Kyle absolutely hated it and tells her it was a dog's breakfast and he's really disappointed. She takes it well, but later when they show the others standing on the balcony she's clearly crying her eyes out. No Wildcard, no nothing darl, sorry.
Spunky Jess Griffin has made a terrible error in judgement. She's singing Christina Aguilera's song Fighter. This is such a balls to the wall song and I firmly believe that Xtina's the only one who can sing it with any conviction. Jess starts out off the beat annnnnnnnnd stays there. She is obviously flustered that she fucked up so quickly that she gets pitchy and breathy and looks like she's going to burst into tears. Its an absolute mess, this is such a shame because every other time we've seen Jess, she has exuded confidence and charisma. I want to look away when she kind of taps herself on the forehead as if to say 'stupid' three quarters of the way through the song. She's right though. Stupid. Marcia and Jess "woahhhh" at each other and agree that "that was a hard one". Jess sighs that she lost control and Marcia actually critiques someone - "you were ahead of the band, behind the band, you didn't trust them and you let yourself down". Thats the Marcia equivalent of beating your adopted daughter whilst screaming 'no wire hangers' . . . (only Joan Crawford fans will get that one . . . ) Mark "oh Jess"s for about thirty seconds while she practically begs for his forgiveness, he notes that she can't let nerves get to her like that because she'll crash and burn (gee, you think??) but he still 'digs' her. Mark, can you 'dig' her out of the grave she just dug herself? Huh? Little help? Kyle says it was a joke and disastrous and he doesn't want to go on about it but he kind of does a little. G asks her that if she still worked in a pizza shop, what kind of pizza would that be? She stumbles on the answer but finally comes out with a gour-mess. I applaud her chutzpah but don't think she's a real contender to get in the Top 12 or even Wildcard.
Little Lisa Mitchell's own personal Idols are Clare Bowditch and KT Tunstall - awesome choices, fuck she's got impeccable musical taste (the fact that they are similar to my own have nothing to do with the price of tea in China. Shut up.) She's singing her Seymour Centre solo perf song, Ben Harper's Diamonds on the Inside. She's sitting down and looks like she should be holding on to a guitar. I do love her singing, she does a very good job, the odd pitch issue but nothing to get upset about, her voice sounds laid back but she can barely stand to look into the camera - she fleetingly glances at it every now and then but that's it. She's remarkably awkward on stage and I don't know how she'll go performing other people's songs week after week. Of course Mark, who has picked on every other performer who has shown any interaction weakness on stage, completely ignores Lisa's ineptness, calling it instead a naive delicateness that he wants to protect. You want to protect her naivity Mark? How about telling her to go home and come back when she's a couple of years older? How about you don't let her put herself into a competition where people like me will bay for her blood at the first sign of vulnerability? I speak the truth, I think she's out of her depth, no matter my regard for her voice, can't this wait a year or two? Finish high school Lisa, I beg you. Poor Poor Casey. Marcia says some people are just born to do this - this? a reality singing show? - and calls her the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard come out of Marcia's mouth - 'baby girlfriend'. Ugh. I get full body shudders. Kyle thinks she's going to win and makes the audience give her a standing ovation because she "could be the best thing ever to come out of this country musically". Whatever dude. Lisa's eyes are huge and a little starstruck looking and G brings her down gently, teasing her that she's "16 years old, you look great, you sing great, you're a tv star AND you've got a pony!! What more could you want??" She laughs appreciatively and looks not a little relieved that not everyone is putting an enormous amount of pressure on her. Kyle. Oh, but she's a shoe in for Top 12. If the audience doesn't put her in, the judges most definitely will.
Last, but not least is Lydia Decker. She's singing Whitney Houston's One Moment In Time and its good if not a little same old same old. She's a proficient singer, but she's hampered by the fact that she's on the same show as Lavina who has done the same thing but did it a thousand times better. She's sincere and her glory note is very very good but no-one is really moved by it. Shame really, she has a good voice. Marcia loved it, the theatrics, the pacing were all great but Mark dismisses her as just another 'good' singer and that she has the same voice as a hundred different singers in this country and there isn't really room for them all. Hell, its along the same lines as what I said but I didn't say it to her face. Kyle says Marks full of it and that she's cooking with gas. Wildcard.
Thats it. Frankly it shouldn't be anyone else but Lisa and Lavina but I hope that Raechel and Lydia Wildcard. The Wildcard round will be made up of eight of the leftover contestants and four of them will go through. I'd like those odds if that was me. I assume that it will be two from each night picked as Wildcard . . .
. . . and I'd be terribly horribly wrong. Of course it isn't anywhere near that fair. The judges stack the competition by making SIX of the Wildcard contestants boys - Chris Murphy, Nathanial Willemse, Guy 'Mutto' Mutton, Chris Graffiti, Ricky Muscat and Brendan Boney, leaving only two boys out, Paul Vercoe and James Steele. Unbelievably they only put through TWO girls - one of my favourites Amanda Streete and country girl Klancie Keough. Although this makes the likelihood of Amanda of getting in that much better and I would hope that of the boys that Chris Murphy will make it through. But I am confused. They deliberately choose twelve boys and girls and made them compete against each other so there would be an even number of both sexes in the competition and now this? The odds of both Amanda and Klancie getting through are incredibly unlikely, so we're most likely to see three boys and one girl. I just don't get it. But I'm kind of past trying to work out what this show is trying to do . . . and obviously Lavina and Lisa got through from the previous night, but you knew that . . . right?? See you at Wildcard.
TallulahBelle out.
Friday, September 01, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Snips and snails and puppy dogs tails.
Alright, everybody out of the pool. The judges have decided - they want a boy to win this year. How else to explain the blatant love in they received last night? Granted, the majority of the performances last night were pretty good, with one or two verging on awesome but (Joseph) there was at least one (Joseph) that was absolute (Jo) shite (seph). But I’m getting ahead of myself . . .
We begin the night with some swapsies – G is upstairs on the balcony doing the presenting and Jimmy is downstairs with last night’s contestants. So G gets the boys and Mathieson the girls. Was this decided via rock off? Thumb wars? Did G sink your Battleship, James? Or was it that they feared whichever young lass who gets through might - in a fit of excitement - hump G on national television, and that James is safe because he’s not as much with the pretty as Andrew? Imbeciles!! I would gladly make a fool of myself on national telly to smooch with Mathieson. I totally heart him and his bug eyed ways. It's just that Fosse called dibs on him and in the interests of housemate-y détente, I focus instead on G (who, lets face it, isn’t exactly a booby prize). Plus Fosse let me have Phil from The Amazing Race, three quarters of the cast of The West Wing and those delightful Jewish boys from Numb3rs. We are currently fighting over who owns George from Grey’s Anatomy though . . . this recap has now taken more time to get to the winners of the girls round than the show did. James lets us know that the two girls going through got 32% of the vote . . . each. So that leaves 36% split between the remaining four. Ouch. That doesn’t bode well for any of them getting a large public vote when they Wildcard. WA girl Reigan Derry is the first of our twosome through and she giggles a little hysterically, then to absolutely no-one’s surprise NT’s Jessica Mauboy is in – she is also giggly and takes the opp to hug Mathieson – see show, a lot of us do like our boys funny and adorably dorky. Proving my point, Mathieson tells her that ‘Australia liked the cut of your jib’. I fucking adore him.
Ricky Muscat is first up – they rehash the Jorge incident and I now think that Jorge may have been the best thing to happen to young Ricky, he’s just another pretty boy with a good RnB voice but he’s the guy who stood up to Jorge, it sticks in the memory – and he’s singing – don’t fall out of your chair – an RnB ballad So Sick. He elongates his vowels a little strangely and the start is slightly weak but he’s kicking it by the chorus. It strikes me that he looks like Anthony Callea and sings like Guy Sebastian – holy crap, he’s a SonyBMG wet dream. The judges just about froth at the mouth to tongue bathe him, they all absolutely love him, his song choice and his package. I accidentally looked at his package and now I feel dirty.
Tasmanian James Steele, saddled with the Single Dad moniker (is James the only single parent we have now?) is singing 3 Door Down’s Kryptonite – can you say ‘perfect song choice’? – he starts off singing quite low and builds up to a nice intensity. His levels are nice and he has some of those infamous ‘shades’ Marcia’s always talking about in his vocals. He lets out one final rebel yell – it’s the only shouty bit of his performance – at the end. It was just restrained enough to be intense but not cheesy or too RAWK or annoying. Mark thinks he’s committed and that he chose a really good song but will the public embrace him? Is he going to to Hollywood or Hobart? Marcia gives more of her patented Not Really Advice advice and comments that he’s no longer flying under the radar. How exactly do you fly under the radar on a show like this? Did he slip the editors a couple of hundred bucks not to show any of his footage? Marcia?? What? Kyle thinks it was all good but that he’s still holding back and Last Word Marcia chimes in that she doesn’t want to see negativity in his eyes again. Sigh. Mathieson then serenades him with a reworked Billy Joel classic and sings “Say goodbye to Hobart”. He can’t sing but god he is good tv. I doubt James will get through, I think he’ll have to reassess for the Wildcard round.
Chris ‘Bobby Brady’ Grafitti is tackling I Don’t Wanna Be, another song I am heartily ooooover. He sings well for two thirds of it but then he fucks up his breathing completely. He starts swallowing the ends of words to get to the next breath and almost loses a line completely as he gulps towards the end. It's called breathing technique dear, look into that before the Wildcard round, mmkay? The judges are arses and don’t so much as mention the fucking up. What? Mark blathers about how Chris was in and out of some mythical pocket. Marcia tells him to ignore Mark because she loved it – and we all know that Marcia’s comments are the ones to listen to, right? Kyle actually gives some sage advice from when he was just another viewer (oh the glory days of Dicko – sigh) and he’d listen to the first fifteen seconds and then everyone would start loudly critiquing and miss the rest of the performance. It's actually a pretty spot on summary of what happens in my house, but Kyle (who gains and loses my respect at least once each show) promptly proves his complete lack of any musicality by telling Chris his best bit was at the end. What? When he couldn’t breathe properly and massacred the last couple of lines? Shut up Kyle.
The show throws in a little sidebar of its own, focusing on a sign in the audience that reads : Mark Holden, You’re A Gankett. Like Mark and Marcia, I have no fucking clue what that means and am too busy admiring the fact that they used the correct contraction of ‘you’re’ instead of ‘your’, which drives me nuts. Mark promises to use the ‘totally goony’ word at some point and gets his moment when Jimmy also advises Chris that Mark’s opinion means nothing . . . because he’s a gankett. I hope that this segment ends soon . . .
Carrot Top’s up next – Bobby Flynn baby!! We didn’t see nearly enough of this guy at the Seymour Centre (or indeed any of him) and I’m chaffing at the bit to hear what he’s doing. When they announce that he’s singing The Church’s Under The Milky Way, I just about jump out of my chair in excitement. UTMW is one of my favourite Australian songs and I have been waiting for three seasons for someone to sing it at Australian Music night. Bobby starts singing and I almost give myself whiplash tilting my head – do I like this? What the hell is he doing? He circumnavigates the melody of the song like he’s competing in the America’s Cup. It's . . . strange. It's dischordant. And I love it. I’m weirdly all about this guy – he took the tune and sang above it and below it and behind it and occasionally in front. His tempo was out of whack with the band and I normally hate that shit but knowing that it was a deliberate choice for the arrangement impresses me greatly and his voice isn’t perfect, it wavered all over the place but FUCK he made me sit up and notice and everyone in the room stopped talking to listen in a kind of askance awe and fear. I want to pause the tv and not have to listen to the judges for a moment so I can take it all in. Marcia smiles that its great to have such an individual on the show and I flashback once again to Chanel receiving the same advice before Marcia psycho’d on her. Mark thinks he’s utterly unique and calls him a trippy crooner and Kyle calls him Sideshow Bobby – yeah, I’m not doing that, we had a Sideshow Bob last year and this guy is completely different, so no – and then says he hates that song. The fuck? Its one of the great Australian songs of all time Kyle, you fucktard, I loathe you, I bet you know all the fucking words to You’re The Fucking Voice, don’t you Kyle? Gah.
Joseph Gatehau is our second RnB performer of the night and his version of Let Me Love You by Mario is weak and doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near this part of the competition. His voice is cracking all over the place and yes, he’s young but fuck it so is Jessica and she stomped all over any nerves she might have been feeling last night. His eyes are pleading with the tv audience to love him, let him in, don’t send him home, but his voice is weak and tinny and he misses a lot more notes than he comes close to hitting and his falsetto cracks horribly. It’s a fairly gruesome trainwreck. Marcia who adores this boy to the point where she actually says ‘I love you Joseph’ puts it all down to nerves. Mark bypasses the ‘obvious pitch problems’ and says he doesn’t think Joseph will have any trouble getting the girls to love him (translation, vote for him) and Kyle tells him everyone’s talking about you man, everywhere I go, its Joseph this and his eyes that and what a cutie blahdey blah. (Tell that to Ngairre, Kyle - I remember everyone talking about her too). Mark takes the last word to tell him not to restrict himself to RnB. If Joseph gets through it will be entirely based on his Seymour Centre solo piece and his audition, not this performance.
Oy. Guy ‘Mutto’ Mutton is up next. Seriously, we’re advocating Mutto as his Idol name? Is that going to be on the CD cover? Do people really want to be texting Mutto to 19 10 10? It's Hotdogs all over again. Ugh. He’s chewing gum sitting next to G in the Contestants Waiting Pit and has ‘hope’ written on his hand. Again, oy. Look, we need a rocker in the comp (unless Amanda Street can Wildcard) so I’m willing to cut him a little slack. What is he singing? It's Swiftfoot’s Meant To Live. He crouches down at the foot of the stage and stares intensely into the camera – its very Pub Rock 101 – and there is some microphone feedback during the first chorus and he won’t freaking stand still for a minute. Dude, plant your feet!! He sings a little to Kyle and plays up to the front row of the audience who ‘whoohoo’ appreciatively – the front row always loves that kind of shit. The song requires a little more control than Guy has, the singing is a bit pitchy and flat but its okay. Not great, but okay. Mark loves his obvious experience and then kvetches about Guy’s bumpy bald noggin. Marcia ‘you did just fine’s him and laughs that he frightened the hell out of Kyle, an action I applaud wholeheartedly. Kyle loved the perf but hates his Fresh Prince of Bel Air inspired back of the head bowl cut. I hate to agree with Kyle but I reluctantly agree with Kyle . . .
More technical fuckups as the last look at the performers and their voting numbers leaves Ricky Muscat singing in silence for three quarters of his bit – they tack him on to the end and again, that could work in his favour. I want Bobby and Ricky to go through. Ricky was the better of the RnB singers tonight and the competition needs an RnB at this point. Bobby will compete with Irish in the Top 12 for votes which may do neither of them any good, but there it is. If Joseph doesn’t get through, the judges will Wildcard him before he leaves the building and they’ll toss a coin for James or Guy to represent the male rock.
TallulahBelle out.
PS – in the ever decreasing divide between myself and the Idol contestants, I found out on the weekend that my 21 year old cousin went to school with Reigan Derry and has in fact swapped spittle with the girl. I feel closer to her than ever . . .
We begin the night with some swapsies – G is upstairs on the balcony doing the presenting and Jimmy is downstairs with last night’s contestants. So G gets the boys and Mathieson the girls. Was this decided via rock off? Thumb wars? Did G sink your Battleship, James? Or was it that they feared whichever young lass who gets through might - in a fit of excitement - hump G on national television, and that James is safe because he’s not as much with the pretty as Andrew? Imbeciles!! I would gladly make a fool of myself on national telly to smooch with Mathieson. I totally heart him and his bug eyed ways. It's just that Fosse called dibs on him and in the interests of housemate-y détente, I focus instead on G (who, lets face it, isn’t exactly a booby prize). Plus Fosse let me have Phil from The Amazing Race, three quarters of the cast of The West Wing and those delightful Jewish boys from Numb3rs. We are currently fighting over who owns George from Grey’s Anatomy though . . . this recap has now taken more time to get to the winners of the girls round than the show did. James lets us know that the two girls going through got 32% of the vote . . . each. So that leaves 36% split between the remaining four. Ouch. That doesn’t bode well for any of them getting a large public vote when they Wildcard. WA girl Reigan Derry is the first of our twosome through and she giggles a little hysterically, then to absolutely no-one’s surprise NT’s Jessica Mauboy is in – she is also giggly and takes the opp to hug Mathieson – see show, a lot of us do like our boys funny and adorably dorky. Proving my point, Mathieson tells her that ‘Australia liked the cut of your jib’. I fucking adore him.
Ricky Muscat is first up – they rehash the Jorge incident and I now think that Jorge may have been the best thing to happen to young Ricky, he’s just another pretty boy with a good RnB voice but he’s the guy who stood up to Jorge, it sticks in the memory – and he’s singing – don’t fall out of your chair – an RnB ballad So Sick. He elongates his vowels a little strangely and the start is slightly weak but he’s kicking it by the chorus. It strikes me that he looks like Anthony Callea and sings like Guy Sebastian – holy crap, he’s a SonyBMG wet dream. The judges just about froth at the mouth to tongue bathe him, they all absolutely love him, his song choice and his package. I accidentally looked at his package and now I feel dirty.
Tasmanian James Steele, saddled with the Single Dad moniker (is James the only single parent we have now?) is singing 3 Door Down’s Kryptonite – can you say ‘perfect song choice’? – he starts off singing quite low and builds up to a nice intensity. His levels are nice and he has some of those infamous ‘shades’ Marcia’s always talking about in his vocals. He lets out one final rebel yell – it’s the only shouty bit of his performance – at the end. It was just restrained enough to be intense but not cheesy or too RAWK or annoying. Mark thinks he’s committed and that he chose a really good song but will the public embrace him? Is he going to to Hollywood or Hobart? Marcia gives more of her patented Not Really Advice advice and comments that he’s no longer flying under the radar. How exactly do you fly under the radar on a show like this? Did he slip the editors a couple of hundred bucks not to show any of his footage? Marcia?? What? Kyle thinks it was all good but that he’s still holding back and Last Word Marcia chimes in that she doesn’t want to see negativity in his eyes again. Sigh. Mathieson then serenades him with a reworked Billy Joel classic and sings “Say goodbye to Hobart”. He can’t sing but god he is good tv. I doubt James will get through, I think he’ll have to reassess for the Wildcard round.
Chris ‘Bobby Brady’ Grafitti is tackling I Don’t Wanna Be, another song I am heartily ooooover. He sings well for two thirds of it but then he fucks up his breathing completely. He starts swallowing the ends of words to get to the next breath and almost loses a line completely as he gulps towards the end. It's called breathing technique dear, look into that before the Wildcard round, mmkay? The judges are arses and don’t so much as mention the fucking up. What? Mark blathers about how Chris was in and out of some mythical pocket. Marcia tells him to ignore Mark because she loved it – and we all know that Marcia’s comments are the ones to listen to, right? Kyle actually gives some sage advice from when he was just another viewer (oh the glory days of Dicko – sigh) and he’d listen to the first fifteen seconds and then everyone would start loudly critiquing and miss the rest of the performance. It's actually a pretty spot on summary of what happens in my house, but Kyle (who gains and loses my respect at least once each show) promptly proves his complete lack of any musicality by telling Chris his best bit was at the end. What? When he couldn’t breathe properly and massacred the last couple of lines? Shut up Kyle.
The show throws in a little sidebar of its own, focusing on a sign in the audience that reads : Mark Holden, You’re A Gankett. Like Mark and Marcia, I have no fucking clue what that means and am too busy admiring the fact that they used the correct contraction of ‘you’re’ instead of ‘your’, which drives me nuts. Mark promises to use the ‘totally goony’ word at some point and gets his moment when Jimmy also advises Chris that Mark’s opinion means nothing . . . because he’s a gankett. I hope that this segment ends soon . . .
Carrot Top’s up next – Bobby Flynn baby!! We didn’t see nearly enough of this guy at the Seymour Centre (or indeed any of him) and I’m chaffing at the bit to hear what he’s doing. When they announce that he’s singing The Church’s Under The Milky Way, I just about jump out of my chair in excitement. UTMW is one of my favourite Australian songs and I have been waiting for three seasons for someone to sing it at Australian Music night. Bobby starts singing and I almost give myself whiplash tilting my head – do I like this? What the hell is he doing? He circumnavigates the melody of the song like he’s competing in the America’s Cup. It's . . . strange. It's dischordant. And I love it. I’m weirdly all about this guy – he took the tune and sang above it and below it and behind it and occasionally in front. His tempo was out of whack with the band and I normally hate that shit but knowing that it was a deliberate choice for the arrangement impresses me greatly and his voice isn’t perfect, it wavered all over the place but FUCK he made me sit up and notice and everyone in the room stopped talking to listen in a kind of askance awe and fear. I want to pause the tv and not have to listen to the judges for a moment so I can take it all in. Marcia smiles that its great to have such an individual on the show and I flashback once again to Chanel receiving the same advice before Marcia psycho’d on her. Mark thinks he’s utterly unique and calls him a trippy crooner and Kyle calls him Sideshow Bobby – yeah, I’m not doing that, we had a Sideshow Bob last year and this guy is completely different, so no – and then says he hates that song. The fuck? Its one of the great Australian songs of all time Kyle, you fucktard, I loathe you, I bet you know all the fucking words to You’re The Fucking Voice, don’t you Kyle? Gah.
Joseph Gatehau is our second RnB performer of the night and his version of Let Me Love You by Mario is weak and doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near this part of the competition. His voice is cracking all over the place and yes, he’s young but fuck it so is Jessica and she stomped all over any nerves she might have been feeling last night. His eyes are pleading with the tv audience to love him, let him in, don’t send him home, but his voice is weak and tinny and he misses a lot more notes than he comes close to hitting and his falsetto cracks horribly. It’s a fairly gruesome trainwreck. Marcia who adores this boy to the point where she actually says ‘I love you Joseph’ puts it all down to nerves. Mark bypasses the ‘obvious pitch problems’ and says he doesn’t think Joseph will have any trouble getting the girls to love him (translation, vote for him) and Kyle tells him everyone’s talking about you man, everywhere I go, its Joseph this and his eyes that and what a cutie blahdey blah. (Tell that to Ngairre, Kyle - I remember everyone talking about her too). Mark takes the last word to tell him not to restrict himself to RnB. If Joseph gets through it will be entirely based on his Seymour Centre solo piece and his audition, not this performance.
Oy. Guy ‘Mutto’ Mutton is up next. Seriously, we’re advocating Mutto as his Idol name? Is that going to be on the CD cover? Do people really want to be texting Mutto to 19 10 10? It's Hotdogs all over again. Ugh. He’s chewing gum sitting next to G in the Contestants Waiting Pit and has ‘hope’ written on his hand. Again, oy. Look, we need a rocker in the comp (unless Amanda Street can Wildcard) so I’m willing to cut him a little slack. What is he singing? It's Swiftfoot’s Meant To Live. He crouches down at the foot of the stage and stares intensely into the camera – its very Pub Rock 101 – and there is some microphone feedback during the first chorus and he won’t freaking stand still for a minute. Dude, plant your feet!! He sings a little to Kyle and plays up to the front row of the audience who ‘whoohoo’ appreciatively – the front row always loves that kind of shit. The song requires a little more control than Guy has, the singing is a bit pitchy and flat but its okay. Not great, but okay. Mark loves his obvious experience and then kvetches about Guy’s bumpy bald noggin. Marcia ‘you did just fine’s him and laughs that he frightened the hell out of Kyle, an action I applaud wholeheartedly. Kyle loved the perf but hates his Fresh Prince of Bel Air inspired back of the head bowl cut. I hate to agree with Kyle but I reluctantly agree with Kyle . . .
More technical fuckups as the last look at the performers and their voting numbers leaves Ricky Muscat singing in silence for three quarters of his bit – they tack him on to the end and again, that could work in his favour. I want Bobby and Ricky to go through. Ricky was the better of the RnB singers tonight and the competition needs an RnB at this point. Bobby will compete with Irish in the Top 12 for votes which may do neither of them any good, but there it is. If Joseph doesn’t get through, the judges will Wildcard him before he leaves the building and they’ll toss a coin for James or Guy to represent the male rock.
TallulahBelle out.
PS – in the ever decreasing divide between myself and the Idol contestants, I found out on the weekend that my 21 year old cousin went to school with Reigan Derry and has in fact swapped spittle with the girl. I feel closer to her than ever . . .
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Sister's Are Doing It For Themselves
I love the new format. There is little to no faffing about at all tonight. We are a mere scant blissful ten minutes into the programme and both Irish and Prettyboy have scooted through to the Top 12. Irish is pleasantly surprised and his brogue makes my knees weak (although, as I am the worst kind of nazi when it comes to people's teeth, I do have to close my eyes a little when he speaks) and although the perfectly coiffed Andrew G tries to throw to a commercial before announcing the second Idol through, Mathieson mock-calls him on it from the balcony and they schtick back and forth a little before getting to it. Dean thanks his lord and saviour and I sprain a cocked eyebrow in surprise that he's being that open about it in a competition where it may not prove to be that cool to Jesus it up. I'm willing to let the overenthused praise to a higher being go for the time being as long as Dean doesn't get all 'praise be' and 'mercy' on us. He'll just get Marcia started and who needs that? No-one, thats who.
Bring on the girls.
Lyndelle Palmer-Clarke and her rather startlingly Jessica Simpson inspired tan is up first, singing the Eurythmics song Would I Lie To You. Orange skin aside, this chick is rather hot. She's extremely confident. She struts around the stage like she owns it and as if there isn't anyone else coming out to sing. Just her. There's a bit too much of the Idol Trademark Finger Pointing going on and her voice isn't the best I've ever heard in the world, but she infuses her performance with more enthusiasm and energy than all of the boys from last night combined. Mark thinks she needs to step it up, Marcia admires her moxie (I take a step back to admire Marcia using the word moxie) and Kyle - who apparently refuses to acknowledge that anything good was released prior to 1995 - hates her song choice. I think she has a good choice to be this years rock chick. (This opinion will change an hour later at the end of the show when I realise I have to check my notes to remember her name and what she sang . . . )
Klancie Keogh is a jillaroo, a country music fan and a rather proud owner of breasts, which she comes very close to letting us know a tad more intimately than I'm entirely comfortable with. She's rather fond of the JLo cut to the navel look and although she can pull it off, I kinda wish she wouldn't. KK is singing a Dixie Chicks song (which got a surprised 'good girl!' from me on the couch) called Not Ready To Make Nice. Anyone who has heard Natalie Maines (lead singer of the DC) sing, knows that she made some serious deal with the devil for her pipes. They are earthy, her range is astounding and she has stage presence in spades. (Also her extremely public, infamous bitch against George Bush cemented her place in my heart . . . ) Klancie sings well but her vocals aren't as powerful. She's nervous as shit and when they pull to a wide shot of her body its obvious she doesn't know what to do with her hands and they're fluttering all over the place. Mark thinks she's blah and that she totally missed the emotion of the song but the other two think she pulled it off admirably. Kyle goes so far as to say he liked it, which sends Klancie into a paroxysm of glee. She also takes the opportunity to rest her head on G's shoulder. Well, who wouldn't, really? Wildcard.
Jessica Maubury is singing her second Whitney Houston song, this time its that old pop classic I Wanna Dance With Somebody. I'm just going to say it. I really like this girl. She's so freaking cute and her vocals are absolutely impeccable, she doesn't hit a bad note, her pitch is fabulous and she is having a ridiculous amount of fun. She commands your attention with an authority far belying her 17 years. She's through, they should just put her in the Top 12 now. Her final note soars and is fantastic. Knowing there was nothing to fault with that performance, Mark and Kyle pick on her song choice. Yes, we're all a little sick of Whitney Houston. Yes, it would have been nice for her to pick something a little more current, say The Veronica's or even (don't hate me) Avril Lavigne/Ashlee Simpson but who fucking cares? Jessica obviously loves Whitney, so let her sing Whitney. This is one of the few times they get to sing what they want without being pigeonholed by this show's ludicrous themes. Whitney was pop music in the 80's, okay? You can't be angry that your contestants don't know the Beatles and then expect them to ignore great music from other decades to concentrate on the current one. And another thing. Don't diss the Whitney. She will cut you. She's mean these days.
James drops the E-bomb. That's right, the next contestant will basically throw the Top 12 baby out with the dull as ditch water by performing an Evanescence song. Lets watch as Atlanta Coogan - the first of our mystery contestants, they show more of her singing in her pre-song package than we've seen in the last three weeks - commits Idol suicide. To be fair, she's not singing this badly, she hits most of the notes and there's nary a nasal tone in sight (which is how the Evanescence chick sings). She has a good voice and her high register is sweet but this isn't the performance to get her through. Mark wanted more emotion from a 30 year old - its a good call but he apparently wants her to kill her firstborn child or something - seriously? Don't ask her if she's ever lost someone ON NATIONAL TV. Fuck off Holden. Kyle thinks she needs to step it up because "this group is the best I've seen". Of course, thats because the best he's seen included DeadtomeOnetrickponyLee and Screechy Williams. Its not a very high bar, frankly.
Amanda Streete is my new Idol girlfriend. She has a beautiful rasp to her voice, husky and growly (check out my favourite Rockstar Supernova contestant Dilana who has the same thing going on - its totally sex.) And she's freaking singing Pink's Trouble! She gets into a little trouble in the lower register and has to growl her way out of it but it works. You know, so far the girls have blown the boys away - they've picked high energy songs and they've performed them well, they know how to move and they've engaged the audience with nary a cheesy moment - Dean. Amanda struts around the stage and the audience is loving it, as am I. Mark bitches at Amanda for not engaging the television audience. I call total bullshit on that. I can't call bullshit though on his concerns for her voice, because the raspy singer will have problems if they keep singing that way without the proper vocal warm ups and care, you can damage your voice if you're not careful - right Cosima? Kyle also jumps on that but Marcia loved her and calls her sassy. I love that word. Sassy. A-fucking-men. If I had my way she'd be through, but I'll take a Wildcard if I have to.
Final performer of the night is moptop Reigan Derry who is singing I wish I Were A Punk Rocker (a song I have heard ad nauseaum on the radio recently and am already over). Reigan has been dissed by the judges recently and is the girl Marcia slapped as being 'not as good as you think you are' during the solo performances. She walks out onto the stage with Stepping It Up written all over her forehead. I think its a smart move to choose a current song, especially this one which suits her voice extremely well. Her onstage presence needs a little work but her higher register is pure and lovely and I don't even mind the trilling at the end because it works. Mark outs himself as a Trekkie when he notes that she's dressed like an extra from Deep Space Nine, Marcia compliments her on her left of centre choice, apparently unaware that this song is currently number two on the Aria charts and will resonate with the Idol audience. Come one Marcia, its hardly Portishead (and for those keeping count at home, this is my first official Chanel reference for the season). Kyle tells the other two judges that they're insane, old and basically know shit about music anymore and tells Reigan it was a great song choice and that he loved her arrangement. She is incredibly charismatic with both the judges and the co-hosts, very articulate and friendly. She's a big possibility to make it through.
Quite frankly, I think the girls were a thousand times better. I know others disagree (PGiddy, you're on crack, admit it - right?). Now Jessica has the tween vote wrapped all the hell up and like Dean before her, is a dead cert to make it through tonight. I think the other spot is going to split between Reigan or Amanda because they were the two most memorable after Jessica. Slight advantage to Amanda purely based on the fact that I liked her more. So there.
TallulahBelle out.
Bring on the girls.
Lyndelle Palmer-Clarke and her rather startlingly Jessica Simpson inspired tan is up first, singing the Eurythmics song Would I Lie To You. Orange skin aside, this chick is rather hot. She's extremely confident. She struts around the stage like she owns it and as if there isn't anyone else coming out to sing. Just her. There's a bit too much of the Idol Trademark Finger Pointing going on and her voice isn't the best I've ever heard in the world, but she infuses her performance with more enthusiasm and energy than all of the boys from last night combined. Mark thinks she needs to step it up, Marcia admires her moxie (I take a step back to admire Marcia using the word moxie) and Kyle - who apparently refuses to acknowledge that anything good was released prior to 1995 - hates her song choice. I think she has a good choice to be this years rock chick. (This opinion will change an hour later at the end of the show when I realise I have to check my notes to remember her name and what she sang . . . )
Klancie Keogh is a jillaroo, a country music fan and a rather proud owner of breasts, which she comes very close to letting us know a tad more intimately than I'm entirely comfortable with. She's rather fond of the JLo cut to the navel look and although she can pull it off, I kinda wish she wouldn't. KK is singing a Dixie Chicks song (which got a surprised 'good girl!' from me on the couch) called Not Ready To Make Nice. Anyone who has heard Natalie Maines (lead singer of the DC) sing, knows that she made some serious deal with the devil for her pipes. They are earthy, her range is astounding and she has stage presence in spades. (Also her extremely public, infamous bitch against George Bush cemented her place in my heart . . . ) Klancie sings well but her vocals aren't as powerful. She's nervous as shit and when they pull to a wide shot of her body its obvious she doesn't know what to do with her hands and they're fluttering all over the place. Mark thinks she's blah and that she totally missed the emotion of the song but the other two think she pulled it off admirably. Kyle goes so far as to say he liked it, which sends Klancie into a paroxysm of glee. She also takes the opportunity to rest her head on G's shoulder. Well, who wouldn't, really? Wildcard.
Jessica Maubury is singing her second Whitney Houston song, this time its that old pop classic I Wanna Dance With Somebody. I'm just going to say it. I really like this girl. She's so freaking cute and her vocals are absolutely impeccable, she doesn't hit a bad note, her pitch is fabulous and she is having a ridiculous amount of fun. She commands your attention with an authority far belying her 17 years. She's through, they should just put her in the Top 12 now. Her final note soars and is fantastic. Knowing there was nothing to fault with that performance, Mark and Kyle pick on her song choice. Yes, we're all a little sick of Whitney Houston. Yes, it would have been nice for her to pick something a little more current, say The Veronica's or even (don't hate me) Avril Lavigne/Ashlee Simpson but who fucking cares? Jessica obviously loves Whitney, so let her sing Whitney. This is one of the few times they get to sing what they want without being pigeonholed by this show's ludicrous themes. Whitney was pop music in the 80's, okay? You can't be angry that your contestants don't know the Beatles and then expect them to ignore great music from other decades to concentrate on the current one. And another thing. Don't diss the Whitney. She will cut you. She's mean these days.
James drops the E-bomb. That's right, the next contestant will basically throw the Top 12 baby out with the dull as ditch water by performing an Evanescence song. Lets watch as Atlanta Coogan - the first of our mystery contestants, they show more of her singing in her pre-song package than we've seen in the last three weeks - commits Idol suicide. To be fair, she's not singing this badly, she hits most of the notes and there's nary a nasal tone in sight (which is how the Evanescence chick sings). She has a good voice and her high register is sweet but this isn't the performance to get her through. Mark wanted more emotion from a 30 year old - its a good call but he apparently wants her to kill her firstborn child or something - seriously? Don't ask her if she's ever lost someone ON NATIONAL TV. Fuck off Holden. Kyle thinks she needs to step it up because "this group is the best I've seen". Of course, thats because the best he's seen included DeadtomeOnetrickponyLee and Screechy Williams. Its not a very high bar, frankly.
Amanda Streete is my new Idol girlfriend. She has a beautiful rasp to her voice, husky and growly (check out my favourite Rockstar Supernova contestant Dilana who has the same thing going on - its totally sex.) And she's freaking singing Pink's Trouble! She gets into a little trouble in the lower register and has to growl her way out of it but it works. You know, so far the girls have blown the boys away - they've picked high energy songs and they've performed them well, they know how to move and they've engaged the audience with nary a cheesy moment - Dean. Amanda struts around the stage and the audience is loving it, as am I. Mark bitches at Amanda for not engaging the television audience. I call total bullshit on that. I can't call bullshit though on his concerns for her voice, because the raspy singer will have problems if they keep singing that way without the proper vocal warm ups and care, you can damage your voice if you're not careful - right Cosima? Kyle also jumps on that but Marcia loved her and calls her sassy. I love that word. Sassy. A-fucking-men. If I had my way she'd be through, but I'll take a Wildcard if I have to.
Final performer of the night is moptop Reigan Derry who is singing I wish I Were A Punk Rocker (a song I have heard ad nauseaum on the radio recently and am already over). Reigan has been dissed by the judges recently and is the girl Marcia slapped as being 'not as good as you think you are' during the solo performances. She walks out onto the stage with Stepping It Up written all over her forehead. I think its a smart move to choose a current song, especially this one which suits her voice extremely well. Her onstage presence needs a little work but her higher register is pure and lovely and I don't even mind the trilling at the end because it works. Mark outs himself as a Trekkie when he notes that she's dressed like an extra from Deep Space Nine, Marcia compliments her on her left of centre choice, apparently unaware that this song is currently number two on the Aria charts and will resonate with the Idol audience. Come one Marcia, its hardly Portishead (and for those keeping count at home, this is my first official Chanel reference for the season). Kyle tells the other two judges that they're insane, old and basically know shit about music anymore and tells Reigan it was a great song choice and that he loved her arrangement. She is incredibly charismatic with both the judges and the co-hosts, very articulate and friendly. She's a big possibility to make it through.
Quite frankly, I think the girls were a thousand times better. I know others disagree (PGiddy, you're on crack, admit it - right?). Now Jessica has the tween vote wrapped all the hell up and like Dean before her, is a dead cert to make it through tonight. I think the other spot is going to split between Reigan or Amanda because they were the two most memorable after Jessica. Slight advantage to Amanda purely based on the fact that I liked her more. So there.
TallulahBelle out.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Its like a marathon. Feel the burn?
Idol night.
The first night.
I am pumped. I've trained for this all season and I know I can do this. Its been a damn hard slog but I'm sure I'm ready. I've been practicing snide remarks and nasty putdowns. I've primed a list of welldeserved praise and high accolades. I've had exploratory surgery done on my anterior cingulate cortex and my ability to feel and maintain empathy and emotion is in tip top condition. I have both pejorative and complimentary descriptive terms at hand. I am ready, willing and able to go go GO. I nervously finger the remote control as 7.30 approaches, crack my knuckles in anticipation and switch the tv on . . .
Our first semi-final. They've added the live audience element to the show - I like that - it means that even if you bail out at this point you've still experienced that frisson, that thrill of performing for real people, you get an immediate visceral reaction that a cold semi vacant television studio full only of the crew and the onscreen talent won't necessarily give you. We'll be getting two singers from each gender divided show (giving us eight) and then a Wildcard show next Sunday (where four more will go through - though they don't tell us yet how many of those four the judges will handpick). They bring out our six performers of the night and Dean Geyer audibly gets the loudest cheers. We get it girls, he's cute.
Chris Murphy is up first and he's tackling Crazy Little Thing Called Love. I hate it. I hate the arrangement, I hate the cheesy guitar and I hate that it sounds so easy listening FM radio station. His singing in this song is so 'safe' that he's lost all the power we've seen previously. Don't get me wrong, he sings it well, his voice is still extremely good but by god I'm bored. He gets rousing applause and the judges all love him (well, Marcia didn't actually say she loved him, she just said it was obvious he had 'gigged' but you almost always have to read between the lines with her) but Kyle does note that he wants to see more of the grubby rocker. Amen Sandilands, well played. I really thought Chris would go through with the first group this week, but I feel he will have to play the Wildcard. And he should call the CourtJester and get some tips on song choice.
Nathaniel Willemse has decided to completely ruin U2's Vertigo. Seriously, I didn't even recognise this until he got to the chorus. Nathaniel has taken a frenetic, wild song about being thrown off balance and being dizzy with life . . . into an RnB ballad??!! What the fuck? Guys?? Where is the rock tonight? Where is the fun? Why have you sucked the life out of this song, Nathaniel? Just like Chris before him, he sings well, he hits all the notes and he is very sincere about what he's doing but I can barely stand to listen to this version. The judges love it, again. I . . . huh? Really? Y'all liked that? There is discussion of the 'interpretation' of the song - Mark didn't like it, Marcia did - but everyone seems fine with the arrangement. I feel like Bono would disagree and request that all groups concerned meet in a prearranged 'safe' place for talks about the lyric and the content . . . man. And everyone would get to wear big bug eyed sunglasses and Irishman Damian would have to go along and interpret the accent and the beer drinking etiquette. And the Edge would just sit there and raise his eyebrow at everyone and halfway through the proceedings, around about the fifteenth pint of Guiness, everyone would realise they hadn't invited Adam Clayton and that Larry Mullen Jr went to the bathroom an hour ago and didn't come back . . .
Spunky Paul Vercoe comes out and massacres himself a Lifehouse song, Hanging By A Moment. There are so many problems with this performance, starting with the key he begins in and ending with the fact that, if this were your local pub karaoke competition he'd probably be a shoe in to win unless that tone deaf drunk chick got up and sang the theme from Titanic and then forgot halfway through and thought she was in a wet tshirt competition instead. He is flat, there is a decided lack of any melody and its painfully shouty. Sorry Paul, but I'm calling it. Time of death, 8.05pm.
Sidebar : Pink is on 60 Minutes right now and if it weren't for the fact that luvverly Irishman Damien Leith is up next and I have high hopes for him, I would watch the rest of the interview - god I love that Stupid Girls video clip.
Damien is singing You Are So Beautiful by Joe Cocker, which I remember fondly from the days when I was in love with Michael J Fox (before I realised what a dirty Republican his character Alex P Keaton was on Family Ties) - I'm not sure why. Did he dance to this song with one of his girlfriends? Was Courtney Cox on that show? You know, whatever happened to the cast of Perfect Strangers, god I loved that show, I loved the theme song "sometimes the world looks perfect, nothing can be arranged" . . . sigh . . . excuse me whilst I visit You Tube for a moment. Wow, they just don't write theme tunes like that anymore do they? You know, that would make a KICKASS theme night, old tv theme tunes. Gold. I don't get paid enough to come up with this stuff. Anyway . . . I stop thinking about old 80's sitcoms as Damien starts singing because I am transfixed. Yes, he is noticeably nervous for the first couple of bars, his voice wavers a little and his eyelashes are on Flutter Alert : Code Amber, but he regains footing very very quickly. He builds the song up gradually and the bridge is just soaring. I sit on the edge of my seat waiting for the falsetto at the end of that song and . . . here it it and it is great. I get that prickling feeling just behind my eyes that I get watching ER which means I'm about to tear up . . . The judges understandably love him - but Mark hates the thought that they might get stuck with another unhip, uncool, unmarketable winner, right Mark? Thats not how he words it, but its what he means. Not another Poor Poor Casey, not another Kate, right Holden? You want another Callea, a Ricki-Lee, a Guy. You forget - again - that people over the age of 19 buy CD's. In fact, we buy MORE. We may not have bought Poor Poor Casey's or Kate's but maybe you need to start thinking that its not the singer we're avoiding, its the cookie cutter by the numbers bollocks you try to foist off on us via your winner. Kyle however, thinks Damien can sell CD's. I am coloured a surprised shade of I'll Remember That Later . . .
(I catch the end of Pink's interview on 60 Minutes and my girl crush is solidified.)
I had such high expectations from Gangsta's Paradise singing Brendan Boney and to hear that he'll be kicking Stevie Wonder's Higher Ground is an awesome start. Except he's not singing Stevie Wonder's Higher Ground. He's singing the Red Hot Chilli Pepper's Higher Ground. But he is kicking it. To the KERB. (sorry, sorry, bad joke, BAD joke, my profound apologies.) Its faster, its louder and it drowns him out. I can't hear him at all, even when the band cuts out he is still struggling to be heard above the backup singers. His breathing is all over the place and when I can hear him, he sounds flat. The judges basically tell him everything I've written down on my notepad. He'll have to wait and see if he gets a Wildcard and if he does he'll still be riding the wave of his original audition piece . . .
Final singer and obvious Judges Favourite Dean Geyer sings If You Could Only See which is the second song in a row to have previously been performed by a contestant on RockStar Supernova. But unlike Brendan, Dean does almost as good a job as Chris did on that show. But Chris also got ousted the week he did that song. I suspect Dean will have better luck with it. He is cute and sings well, he is rather charismatic, if a teensy on the cheesy side and he doesn't look 100% comfortable performing in front of a live audience but a couple of weeks performing (and lets face it, he's a lock in for Top 12) and I think he'll be kind of unstoppable. He is definitely the 'package' Mark is looking for, Marcia pretty much wants to adopt him and Kyle could pimp the crap out of this boy on his radio show so its kudo's all round for young Dean.
I have to say, Damien aside, I was kind of underwhelmed by tonights performances. Four of them sang well, two of them were kind of crap, but almost all of them were a little boring. I imagine the older viewers will vote fairly en masse for Damien and the younger for Dean Geyer. Chris and Brendan will most likely Wildcard at which point I hope for greater things from them both.
Go Irish.
TallulahBelle out.
The first night.
I am pumped. I've trained for this all season and I know I can do this. Its been a damn hard slog but I'm sure I'm ready. I've been practicing snide remarks and nasty putdowns. I've primed a list of welldeserved praise and high accolades. I've had exploratory surgery done on my anterior cingulate cortex and my ability to feel and maintain empathy and emotion is in tip top condition. I have both pejorative and complimentary descriptive terms at hand. I am ready, willing and able to go go GO. I nervously finger the remote control as 7.30 approaches, crack my knuckles in anticipation and switch the tv on . . .
Our first semi-final. They've added the live audience element to the show - I like that - it means that even if you bail out at this point you've still experienced that frisson, that thrill of performing for real people, you get an immediate visceral reaction that a cold semi vacant television studio full only of the crew and the onscreen talent won't necessarily give you. We'll be getting two singers from each gender divided show (giving us eight) and then a Wildcard show next Sunday (where four more will go through - though they don't tell us yet how many of those four the judges will handpick). They bring out our six performers of the night and Dean Geyer audibly gets the loudest cheers. We get it girls, he's cute.
Chris Murphy is up first and he's tackling Crazy Little Thing Called Love. I hate it. I hate the arrangement, I hate the cheesy guitar and I hate that it sounds so easy listening FM radio station. His singing in this song is so 'safe' that he's lost all the power we've seen previously. Don't get me wrong, he sings it well, his voice is still extremely good but by god I'm bored. He gets rousing applause and the judges all love him (well, Marcia didn't actually say she loved him, she just said it was obvious he had 'gigged' but you almost always have to read between the lines with her) but Kyle does note that he wants to see more of the grubby rocker. Amen Sandilands, well played. I really thought Chris would go through with the first group this week, but I feel he will have to play the Wildcard. And he should call the CourtJester and get some tips on song choice.
Nathaniel Willemse has decided to completely ruin U2's Vertigo. Seriously, I didn't even recognise this until he got to the chorus. Nathaniel has taken a frenetic, wild song about being thrown off balance and being dizzy with life . . . into an RnB ballad??!! What the fuck? Guys?? Where is the rock tonight? Where is the fun? Why have you sucked the life out of this song, Nathaniel? Just like Chris before him, he sings well, he hits all the notes and he is very sincere about what he's doing but I can barely stand to listen to this version. The judges love it, again. I . . . huh? Really? Y'all liked that? There is discussion of the 'interpretation' of the song - Mark didn't like it, Marcia did - but everyone seems fine with the arrangement. I feel like Bono would disagree and request that all groups concerned meet in a prearranged 'safe' place for talks about the lyric and the content . . . man. And everyone would get to wear big bug eyed sunglasses and Irishman Damian would have to go along and interpret the accent and the beer drinking etiquette. And the Edge would just sit there and raise his eyebrow at everyone and halfway through the proceedings, around about the fifteenth pint of Guiness, everyone would realise they hadn't invited Adam Clayton and that Larry Mullen Jr went to the bathroom an hour ago and didn't come back . . .
Spunky Paul Vercoe comes out and massacres himself a Lifehouse song, Hanging By A Moment. There are so many problems with this performance, starting with the key he begins in and ending with the fact that, if this were your local pub karaoke competition he'd probably be a shoe in to win unless that tone deaf drunk chick got up and sang the theme from Titanic and then forgot halfway through and thought she was in a wet tshirt competition instead. He is flat, there is a decided lack of any melody and its painfully shouty. Sorry Paul, but I'm calling it. Time of death, 8.05pm.
Sidebar : Pink is on 60 Minutes right now and if it weren't for the fact that luvverly Irishman Damien Leith is up next and I have high hopes for him, I would watch the rest of the interview - god I love that Stupid Girls video clip.
Damien is singing You Are So Beautiful by Joe Cocker, which I remember fondly from the days when I was in love with Michael J Fox (before I realised what a dirty Republican his character Alex P Keaton was on Family Ties) - I'm not sure why. Did he dance to this song with one of his girlfriends? Was Courtney Cox on that show? You know, whatever happened to the cast of Perfect Strangers, god I loved that show, I loved the theme song "sometimes the world looks perfect, nothing can be arranged" . . . sigh . . . excuse me whilst I visit You Tube for a moment. Wow, they just don't write theme tunes like that anymore do they? You know, that would make a KICKASS theme night, old tv theme tunes. Gold. I don't get paid enough to come up with this stuff. Anyway . . . I stop thinking about old 80's sitcoms as Damien starts singing because I am transfixed. Yes, he is noticeably nervous for the first couple of bars, his voice wavers a little and his eyelashes are on Flutter Alert : Code Amber, but he regains footing very very quickly. He builds the song up gradually and the bridge is just soaring. I sit on the edge of my seat waiting for the falsetto at the end of that song and . . . here it it and it is great. I get that prickling feeling just behind my eyes that I get watching ER which means I'm about to tear up . . . The judges understandably love him - but Mark hates the thought that they might get stuck with another unhip, uncool, unmarketable winner, right Mark? Thats not how he words it, but its what he means. Not another Poor Poor Casey, not another Kate, right Holden? You want another Callea, a Ricki-Lee, a Guy. You forget - again - that people over the age of 19 buy CD's. In fact, we buy MORE. We may not have bought Poor Poor Casey's or Kate's but maybe you need to start thinking that its not the singer we're avoiding, its the cookie cutter by the numbers bollocks you try to foist off on us via your winner. Kyle however, thinks Damien can sell CD's. I am coloured a surprised shade of I'll Remember That Later . . .
(I catch the end of Pink's interview on 60 Minutes and my girl crush is solidified.)
I had such high expectations from Gangsta's Paradise singing Brendan Boney and to hear that he'll be kicking Stevie Wonder's Higher Ground is an awesome start. Except he's not singing Stevie Wonder's Higher Ground. He's singing the Red Hot Chilli Pepper's Higher Ground. But he is kicking it. To the KERB. (sorry, sorry, bad joke, BAD joke, my profound apologies.) Its faster, its louder and it drowns him out. I can't hear him at all, even when the band cuts out he is still struggling to be heard above the backup singers. His breathing is all over the place and when I can hear him, he sounds flat. The judges basically tell him everything I've written down on my notepad. He'll have to wait and see if he gets a Wildcard and if he does he'll still be riding the wave of his original audition piece . . .
Final singer and obvious Judges Favourite Dean Geyer sings If You Could Only See which is the second song in a row to have previously been performed by a contestant on RockStar Supernova. But unlike Brendan, Dean does almost as good a job as Chris did on that show. But Chris also got ousted the week he did that song. I suspect Dean will have better luck with it. He is cute and sings well, he is rather charismatic, if a teensy on the cheesy side and he doesn't look 100% comfortable performing in front of a live audience but a couple of weeks performing (and lets face it, he's a lock in for Top 12) and I think he'll be kind of unstoppable. He is definitely the 'package' Mark is looking for, Marcia pretty much wants to adopt him and Kyle could pimp the crap out of this boy on his radio show so its kudo's all round for young Dean.
I have to say, Damien aside, I was kind of underwhelmed by tonights performances. Four of them sang well, two of them were kind of crap, but almost all of them were a little boring. I imagine the older viewers will vote fairly en masse for Damien and the younger for Dean Geyer. Chris and Brendan will most likely Wildcard at which point I hope for greater things from them both.
Go Irish.
TallulahBelle out.
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