What Katie Did Next

An amalgamation of every week by week post I wrote about Kate because I am lazy and can't be bothered thinking up new stuff . . .

Top 30 performance
Kate – the love child of Renee Geyer and Sting. Nice husky vocal chords. Kate lulled me into thinking she was just another Queen of Mugging and then she shazaam-ed me with her song. Just great, but she needs to stop bollocksing around with her hair and letting them turn her into too much of a girl if she’s that uncomfortable with it. Deserves to be Top Three, but with Tarni making it through last week there may not be enough room for her.
Australian Week
Ladies and Gentleman, the best female performance of the night, I give you Kate. Lovely work, Clone of Renee Geyer. It finished . . . weird, but it was beautifully and soulfully done. Just lovely.
60’s Week
(Kate has) All My Loving.Best performance of the night. I LOVE this girl more and more each week (‘ware Roxane, you’re slipping). She has mixed it up, ballad last week, uptempo number this week – she’s showing us range, she’s pitch perfect with everything she sings and she just plain out-awesome’s everyone around her.
Rock Supergroups
Kate? I . . . don’t understand. Why are you not great? Did your kitty die? Is it because the Eagles lost? The first time I’ve heard Pitchy Kate, Breathy Kate and Slightly Off Tune Kate. I am saddened, I don’t like this Kate, I want Great Kate back. She’s still fabulous though (and was awesome at the AFL Grand Final at the weekend and the only one who sounded even halfway decent).
Ahem.
TUCKSHOP ARMS. TUCKSHOP ARMS???!!! Fuuuuuuuuuuck off Kyle.
Contestants Choice
I heart Kate. With every fibre of my being. Shheeeeeeee’s baaaaaaaaack. Rebounding back from the lacklustre-ness that was Kate Doing Queen, Kate takes a pass from Anastacia, Harlem Globe Trotter’s her way down the court and slamDUNKS the ball, shattering the backboard and scoring two much needed points for Team Kate. Kate’s lower register is still a little weak sometimes but she has an infectious vibrancy and a glow that translates ridiculously well onscreen. I still find it hard to believe that this girl is only nineteen, because her professionalism and maturity outstrips most of the other contestants. Kate has officially taken up the title of TallulahBelle’s Favourite Idol This Year. Go Team Kate!
Big Band
Lets get ready to RUUUUUMBLE. TeamKate tackles Anne for best performance of the night but Anne totally flips her and pins her to the floor (oooh, look at me with all the sports analogies! I’m sorry, I’ll stop now – mostly because I’m getting out of my depth.) Kate was still fantastic, at Chez Shaneequa we could only pick one obviously pitch weak moment, the rest was vocally without flaw. This girl is just fab and I admire the hell out of her for coming in every week and doing great work. Both Anne and Kate do consistently well and out perform the majority of the other contestants, but week after week they seem to be damned with faint praise. Colour me confused.
80’s Week
TeamKate should be a little worried tonight. There is a very real chance, she’ll bottom three tonight, although if I had my way she’d be one of the final two standing in this comp. I thought she was joyful tonight, very infectious. She was enjoying herself on stage and I loved the ponytail, I just wish she’d done some Madonna or Cher – that would have been awesome. I don’t get what Holden is talking about, I don’t think of this song as a song about passion, but rather a song of joy and happiness which I thought she totally nailed. It’s Chaka Khan, not Don’t Cry For Me Argentina. Buuuuut. Not my favourite Kate performance and I am concerned for her.
Up Close & Personal
Ironic – Alanis Morissette. I really liked what TeamKate did with this song. She fiddled nicely with the melody and ‘put her own stamp’ on it. I do kind of wish she’d picked one of Alanis’ better songs but out of all the Idols she was the only one to pick something that probably 95% of the audience will recognise, which surely works in her favour. I just want her to mix it up a little bit more.
Mo-town
I Wish - Stevie Wonder. I only caught the tail end of this on my first viewing so initially my only reaction was to scream at the tv screen as Asshat Kyle waxed long and lyrical about the FUCKING TAN LINES under Kate’s arms. Yes, read that again. The TAN LINES. If it was not already screamingly obvious that this man knows as much about the music industry as I do about the breeding habits of the mongoose, then it REALLY is now. You see, I know the mongoose exists, I know that there have been mongeese in the past and can posit the theory that there will be mongeese in the future, therefore the mongoose must possess breeding habits. But I don’t know what or how they work, so I don’t pretend to be an expert on the subject and appear on Australian Mongoose and give my opinion to the previously perfectly happy and healthy mongeese who worked their little mongeesey butts off to get to the Final Six ONLY to be told they’ll never make it in the industry because although they killed that snake perfectly, they don’t have the sartorial elegance to pull off walking the red carpet as they have stubby tails and the fur on their heads doesn’t match the fur on their hind legs as pleasingly as it could. Ass.Upon second viewing I concurred with the opinions of most. She rocked. I love her and wish her all the best as the Person Who Comes Second In Australian Idol And Somehow Does Better Than The Winner.
70’s Week (Or Songs They Should Have Done by Bowie)
The Man Who Sold The World. Anyone who caught Rockstar INXS and saw Jordis sing this song can appreciate what a melancholy song this can be if given the husky vocal treatment that our girl Kate does so very very well. It would have had me in tears of appreciation and thanks, as opposed to the tears of rage that Lady Marmalade brought me to. Karaoke. Pure and simple and I’ve been disappointed since Idol Extra that she had chosen this song. I was horrified that she then sang the fucking Moulin Rouge version and did the bullshit Xtina ‘yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah’ bits and aghast when she stuffed up. But she covered it well, continued to hit almost all the notes and was only slightly pitchy. Imagine my absolute dumsquizzlement when Marcia and Kyle said she was ill. There was general agreement in the ChezBelle household that she kicked ass, considering. And speaking of asses in desperate need of kicking . . . Mark? SHUT UP. Kate is an absolute professional who did a great job, I just despair at her song choice. She hasn’t been bottom three yet, but I think tonight is the night and I wouldn’t be surprised if the first time is the last time and we say our final fare thee well to her . . .
Elvis Week
Burning Love. I really enjoyed this. It wasn’t perfect, but it was pitch perfect and by GOD, she looked like she was having fun. Imagine that you are Kate for a moment. Everyone around you has received a touchdown. At one point or another in the competition the other three contestants have been told they will probably win Idol or have a long wonderful career ahead of them. Whenever you go to meetNgreets the crowds scream their little girly lungs out for Lee/Emily and occasionally DreadyDan. You make the final four and it hits you. You’re Hayley from Season Two. You have a lovely voice, a charming personality but everyone seems a little confused as to how you’ve made it as far as you have. Now I personally prefer Kate’s voice to Hayley and think that Kate deserves to be final two, but history (Paulini and Hayley) tells us that fourth is as good as she gets. Do you mope around and give halfhearted performances because you don't give a damn anymore or do you pull yourself up by the bootstraps, say to hell with coming fourth and sing the perfect hell out of every song that comes your way in the slim chance that you might actually have more of a fan base than you think? Team Kate has well and truly taken the latter course of action and I say ‘bravo’.
Impossible Dream. Possibly my favourite Kate performance (and as Red noted this morning : Memo from Mark to Kate, IOU one (1) touchdown). She looked amazing (except for the panda eyeliner on her bottom lid) and sounded fantastic. She built this slowly up to a lovely crescendo. That final note could have been bigger and better but I think she was feeling the emotion of the song (coupled with her voice issues from the last week) and held back on it a little so she could control the note better. I found the performance quite moving. I quite simply love her.
Pretty much whatever the hell they want to sing Week because there are only three left
Heaven. Kate is good. Kate hits all the right notes. She sings the absolute bollocks out of this song to the point that Impossible Dream hangs its head in shame and slinks to the back of the Best Songs Kate Has Performed On Idol line. But Mark has his hate-on so very very hard for Kate and I get so angry with him that a cloud of red rage envelops me like PigPen from Charlie Brown. It reminds me of Mark saying on Inside Idol before the Elvis week that if she didn’t get a touchdown from him for Impossible Dream that she should be going home. I scream this in an incoherent manner at Fosse who flinches on the sofa and gets that look on his face, the look that says just agree with everything she says and maybe she won’t kill me in my sleep.
Like A Prayer. Kate is good. Kate hits all the right notes. She doesn’t so much sing the bollocks out of this song, but she has an awesome time on stage and it as infectious as bird flu. I can’t stop smiling as she sings but say (in a much calmer tone because the judges haven’t started ripping her to pieces yet) that she will never ever get a touchdown from Mark because he’s a complete wanker who hates Kate so very very much. Fosse gets that look on his face, the look that says he thinks it’s a very real possibility that Charles Manson had a child nobody knows about who grew up in a small country town in the north-west of Western Australia and eventually moved to Melbourne, started watching Idol and writing a blog and who one day . . . just snapped.Kate does not get a touchdown. Kate gets slapped down again and basically told that they don’t want her in the final two. She is ridiculously professional about it all for a nineteen year old being humiliated on national television for being consistently competent and pitch perfect. At nineteen its entirely possible I would have leapt off the stage and started bitch slapping someone. Hell, that’s possible now . . .
The Final Two
Maybe Tonight – The Idol Winner’s song makes me feel slightly less nauseated and sugary than previous years (specifically the travesty that Poor Poor Casey had to release) but it also makes me giddily wish for a second that we had gotten to hear the punk’d up DeadtomeOnetrickpony version. Kate’s singing is husky and soulful and I find myself enjoying it. I check my pulse to ensure I haven’t gone into a diabetic coma.
Shackles – Kate sings this really well, but I just want her to kick it up a freakin’ notch. She visibly reins herself in from going over the top, which I don’t fully understand. This song should make me want to get up and dance but I make do with a little chair dancing instead. Its not the same. Sigh.
How Could An Angel Break My Heart – well, for starters SHE MIGHT SING A SONG CO-WRITTEN BY BABYFACE. Gahhhhhhhhhhang on. This is actually quite . . . well, its . . . nice . . . she builds it well and it soars in the chorus and Competent Kate hits all the right notes again again. It’s a touch bland and less than memorable but she sings so well and I’m so horribly biased and she can do no wrong in my eyes, that I actually start wishing she would sing that nice Bryan Adams song from that wonderful Robin Hood movie that the not at all overrated Kevin Costner was in. It occurs to me that I’m going into sugar shock and I hurriedly inject myself with insulin and eat a garden salad.
Opera House
Awesomeness occurs. Marcia and Mark wear a ridiculous amount of bitchface and Kyle is basically the only judge to publically applaud Team Kate as the winner. I realise I'm going to voluntarily buy an Idol album that Chanel has absolutely no connection with. I am unsure how I feel about this . . .

If an Idol falls in the forest.

Idol. Something visible but without substance.
Lame. Weak and ineffectual, unsatisfactory.
Dull. Dispirited, depressed. Not clear or resonant.
Bland. Having little or no distinctive flavour.

Kinda sums up this season, don’t it? More accurately, it sums up the final Sunday night performance show of Season Three. Battle of the Diva’s turned out to be less Emily and Kate going head to head in a glorious grudge match to the bloody end, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome style (two Idol’s enter, one Idol leaves), and ended up being a little bit more like what you would expect a Celebrity Fight between the brothers Crane to be (if say, Niles had dissed Foucault and then favourably compared the grapes of the Napa Valley to those from the banks of the Gironde river - I mean really, you just know Frasier ain’t having none of that shit, holmes.) In other words . . . . well, I have no other words, I just direct you back to the list of words atop this paragraph.

I fast forwarded through most of the bullshit talking so missed why the judges aren’t talking after each performace, I presume to avoid any and all touchdown bias. Doesn’t matter why, I heartily applaud the move anyway . . .

Team Kate
Maybe Tonight – The Idol Winner’s song makes me feel slightly less nauseated and sugary than previous years (specifically the travesty that Poor Poor Casey had to release) but it also makes me giddily wish for a second that we had gotten to hear the punk’d up DeadtomeOnetrickpony version. Kate’s singing is husky and soulful and I find myself enjoying it. I check my pulse to ensure I haven’t gone into a diabetic coma.
Shackles – Kate sings this really well, but I just want her to kick it up a freakin’ notch. She visibly reins herself in from going over the top, which I don’t fully understand. This song should make me want to get up and dance but I make do with a little chair dancing instead. Its not the same. Sigh.
How Could An Angel Break My Heart – well, for starters SHE MIGHT SING A SONG CO-WRITTEN BY BABYFACE. Gahhhhhhhhhhang on. This is actually quite . . . well, its . . . nice . . . she builds it well and it soars in the chorus and Competent Kate hits all the right notes again again. It’s a touch bland and less than memorable but she sings so well and I’m so horribly biased and she can do no wrong in my eyes, that I actually start wishing she would sing that nice Bryan Adams song from that wonderful Robin Hood movie that the not at all overrated Kevin Costner was in. It occurs to me that I’m going into sugar shock and I hurriedly inject myself with insulin and eat a garden salad.

Ch 10 advertises Veronica Mars. I smile smugly in the direction of the Veronica Mars first season DVD set that is currently taking over mine and Fosse’s life . . .
Ch 10 advertises Smallville. I don’t get it, but am nonetheless happy for Shaneequa and sad for the Charmed fans who seem to have been shortchanged this season.

Emily the maybe not so Anointed One
I promised myself I would not be unduly biased, that I would view Emily’s final three performances with as much neutrality as possible and draw on all my singing lessons and history and critique her fairly but Emily took that choice away from me by being flat out awful on two of her three songs. You have been warned. (also? Emily’s stock footage that I fastforwarded through seemed to altenate between her crying and getting touchdowns. MAN, will I be glad when this season is over . . . )
Emotions - the Bee Gee’s and Melodies & Harmonies of the World discuss the cost of hiring a lawyer. Emily, WHAT have you done to their song? It gets slightly better when she hits the chorus, but then she goes back to the verse and I shrink in horror again. Chicks don’t have a falsetto but it feels like that’s what she’s trying to do. Emily’s voice is trembly. Wow, is she nervous or what?
Since You’ve Been Gone – Kelly Clarkson has a KICK ass live voice and even she can’t do this song justice live. Singing this on Idol Extra with John and Erana I thought Emily sounded iffy and boy oh boy, was I right. Her lower register sounds terribly flat and the glory note is so unnecessarily shrieky that MY vocal cords hurt when she throws it against the wall and beats the living daylights out of it. While Emily was singing this song I started to think that maybe Kate was in with a chance to win this thing . . .
Maybe Tonight – but then Emily sang this. And I have to say, I think she sang it better and that it is arranged smart-er than Kate's version. They both sang it well, but Emily’s was definitely more mainstream, infinitely more commercial and the last performance of the night, which can’t hurt. And if Emily wins tonight, I think it might be on the strength of her very last performance. It really suits Emily’s style of singing, she’s finally confident and she sings it well. Damn.

The judges speak :
Marcia : “You go girls.” Riiiiiight. Sod off for another year Marcia, you are officially of no use to anybody. Oh, and Shut Up.
Mark : “A duet would be good”. A duet. Between these two? Wow, yeah, that act . . . ually wouldn't suck at all. Huh. So what you’re saying is you’re choosing now to say something that actually makes a skerrit of musical sense? Duuuuuuuuude. Shut up Mark.
Kyle : Babbles about nothing of any importance or interest to anybody until he says not to vote unless you’re planning to buy the winners CD. I furrow my brow in acknowledgement and concern at Wisdom From Kyle and start texting Kate’s name to 19 10 10 anyway. And just for the pure hell of it (and just like last years final) I text Chanel’s name as well. And then Tim’s. It can’t hurt, right?

(The original idea for this blog may have been blatantly stolen from the lovely Guru G. I’m sure she understands . . .)