The King is dead. Right?

‘Kay. God’s honest truth? I can’t find it in me to get all that excited about a week dedicated to Elvis. I know, I know, pioneered white rock in the States, lots of number one singles, incredibly talented blah de blah etc etc and hey, they all seem to at least know who Elvis is this year (the Be . . . at . . .les . . . .who?), but the dude made some atrocious films that I was subjected to as a child by my babysitter and I have never been able to fully forgive him for Roustabout. I also sincerely believe that the only people/groups of people who should sing Elvis are the following :

A) Elvis impersonators, natch. Good or bad, who out there can deny that an Elvis impersonator will never fail to make you grin (except in the case of the movie Honeymoon in Vegas starring Nicholas ‘Its time to give back the Academy Award dude’ Cage and Sarah Jessica Louise Mary Englebert Brunhilda Parker and a hundred fat Elvis’. What is the collective noun for more than one Elvis impersonator? A fat of Elvises? A buffet of Elvi?)
B) Drunken businessmen with their jackets off, white shirts unbuttoned at the collar, tie askew and shirt sleeves rolled up, who tearfully dedicate their version of In The Ghetto to their mothers/girlfriends/favourite childhood pet, only after discovering that someone else has already booked in to do Love Shack. (Tiiiiiiiiiin Roof? Busted.)
C) The man in white himself. Should rumours of his death actually prove to be exaggerated and it turns out he’s been shacked up in the witness protection programme with Marilyn Monroe and James Dean.

Caveat : Now. You know and I know, that at this point I am ridiculously biased towards Kate and against the remaining three. The horror that will most likely be the reality of tonights eviction show is that Kate will go and I will be left with three ‘singers’ that I could NOT care less about. Last years final three I had the CourtJester (whom I worshipped) still left in the competition and Poor Poor Casey whom I admired, there was really only Anthony ‘I Wish I Were A Real Boy’ Callea who gave me nothing but who – personal animosity aside – I always acknowledged had a good voice. For Kyle and Mark to continually insist that this is the best Top 12 ever and that Emily is the best singer that has ever been in this competition and that Lee has a career ahead of him outside of working for the Ringaling Bros is a smack in the face of those who came before them. Chanel, Courtney, Casey, Anthony, Ricki-Lee, Cosima, Guy, Paulini, Ngairre. I would put every single one of these singers ahead of Emily and Lee in terms of talent, hell I would put Millsy ahead of Lee. Anyway. Fit pitched. Moving on.

Emily the Cold
Blue Suede Shoes. This arrangement felt too fast and rushed and she was pitchy and shouting at me and she makes my head hurt when she sings like this. The fact that Mark didn’t give her a touchdown made me think he was saving it up for her second song. I love it when I’m wrong . . .
Can’t Help Falling In Love. Quite nicely sung. The Anointed One (hatred aside) does have a technically proficient voice but what is with the need to mess up a great melody with the gymnastics? Oy, the gymnastics. The fact that she’s gotten away with this in the past made me steel my nerves for another undeserving touchdown . . . . oh ho, what’s this?? I hold on to the couch to keep myself from spinning into space as the earth’s gravitational pull inexplicably ceases working and the judges actually call her out on the unnecessary trilling. No touchdown this week Emily? Did you neglect to send Mark his fruit basket? (I remind myself that chortling with glee at the immense bitchface Emily pulls after failing to impress with her Mariah Carey impersonation, is terribly bad form.)

DeadtomeOnetrickponyLee
Teddybear. Before singing, DtmOtpL busts out some stuff about Elvis he ‘knows’. Gosh, Google is awesome, isn’t it??!! Then he proceeds to give the cheesiest performance ever (or as Fosse called it – gimmicky. He then went on to compare DtmOtpL to a reject from the German punk ‘realisation’ of Anthony Lloyd Webber’s Cats. I heartily concur). The singing is not as bad as his rendition of Ben, but hey it’s still pretty bad. He hits way too many bum notes and is basically terrible.
Jailhouse Rock (I am told by several Great Authorities on the matter that this is the Motley Crue version – guess Greenday need to expand their repertoire a little, huh?) Firstly, he wouldn’t last two seconds in an actual jailhouse block without becoming someone’s bitch faster than you can sms ‘can I still vote for Chanel?’ to 19 10 10. Secondly. Arrangement? Hate. Outfit? Hate. Faux punk bullshit? HATE. Please just make him stop. There is virtually no justification for keeping DtmOtpL in a competition that is about singing when he, in fact, can’t do that. Marcia notes that ‘people really dig what you do.’ Marcia? People are dumb. People voted for John Howard more than once. People travel to Bali and Thailand with cocaine filled condoms in their lower intestines. People drive drunk. People can generally not be trusted. In short? Shut up Marcia.

TeamKate
Burning Love. I really enjoyed this. It wasn’t perfect, but it was pitch perfect and by GOD, she looked like she was having fun. Imagine that you are Kate for a moment. Everyone around you has received a touchdown. At one point or another in the competition the other three contestants have been told they will probably win Idol or have a long wonderful career ahead of them. Whenever you go to meetNgreets the crowds scream their little girly lungs out for Lee/Emily and occasionally DreadyDan. You make the final four and it hits you. You’re Hayley from Season Two. You have a lovely voice, a charming personality but everyone seems a little confused as to how you’ve made it as far as you have. Now I personally prefer Kate’s voice to Hayley and think that Kate deserves to be final two, but history (Paulini and Hayley) tells us that fourth is as good as she gets. Do you mope around and give halfhearted performances because you don't give a damn anymore or do you pull yourself up by the bootstraps, say to hell with coming fourth and sing the perfect hell out of every song that comes your way in the slim chance that you might actually have more of a fan base than you think? Team Kate has well and truly taken the latter course of action and I say ‘bravo’.
Impossible Dream. Possibly my favourite Kate performance (and as Red noted this morning : Memo from Mark to Kate, IOU one (1) touchdown.). She looked amazing (except for the panda eyeliner on her bottom lid) and sounded fantastic. She built this slowly up to a lovely crescendo. That final note could have been bigger and better but I think she was feeling the emotion of the song (coupled with her voice issues from the last week) and held back on it a little so she could control the note better. I found the performance quite moving. I quite simply love her.

DreadyDan
Dan’s pre-song bit shows him sitting on some steps playing his guitar and singing a bit of Heartbreak Hotel. If they would actually let him do that on stage I would be a Dan fan all over again because he sounds relaxed and the guitar gives him something to do with his hands and somewhere to look. He sounds laidback, smooth and pretty amazing.
Hound Dog. Gee. This doesn’t start off suiting Dan at all. I love the arrangement, its very well put together and by the end I didn’t mind it so much, but Dan just doesn’t know how to perform to and interact with the camera at all. He might be fantastic as far as the live crowd is concerned but it doesn’t translate to the tv screen at all. I thought his husky vocals would suit the King perfectly, I’m a little surprised they don’t . . . he sounds a little flat. Kyle says he’s perfect every week. I wish I had taped all the episodes so I could go back and look over them, because I’m pretty sure Kyle is lying.
Heartbreak Hotel. This started in the wrong key for him but got better with the key change about a third of the way through - unfortunately Dan chose that moment to wander aimlessly across the stage looking like he was wondering when he could go pick up his unemployment cheque. He comes across as flat again. What are the crowd and judges seeing that I’m not? Anyone??

I honestly think its between TeamKate and DreadyDan but I would LOVE DtmOtpL to go so we could have a full show of actual singing in this singing competition. So TeamKate. Or DreadyDan. Or the Pony. Not the Anointed One, I would imagine she is as safe as safe can be . . . or is she . . . . ??