7 32 Mathieson and his skinny tie put Brooke Addamo in the bottom three, G calls out Sophie Paterson and Mathieson rounds out the bottom three with the only person who actually deserves to be there, Thanh Bui.
7 33 Brooke's disappointment is palpable as she sings 'Bette Davis Eyes' again and this fucking sucks, there is no way this girl should be in the bottom three and if she goes I will be mega pissed. Way to get me suckered into voting, you rat bastards. Mathieson throws back to whatserface as Brooke steals the microphone so we get G being a cutie pie again and rushing back to get it.
7 35 Sophie is rocking the high ponytail again as she sings 'Sweet Dreams' and she looks . . . you know, she looks kind of fed up with this whole thing already. Hitting Bottom Three two weeks in a row, that SUCKS. I want to smack the living shit out of people voting for Dimples. She's so angry she mangles her big power note but rallies and pulls the end out nicely. She tells whatserface that it wasn't too big a shock.
7 38 Oh geez, we have to listen to Thanh breathily croon his way through 'Every Breath You Take'. Go watch Robert Downey Jr again. He's very earnest and he just wants this so very much but he has to be the one to go. It would be criminal to let either of the girls go over him. The Idol sound guys give us a footy siren to let us know we can vote. Excuse me for a minute whilst I power vote for Brooke. Sorry Sophie, I can only choose one of you and Brooke was better.
7 41 Marcia says that they were all totally in their stride last night and when they're in the Bottom Three they have to go even harder and step up. Kyle says he doesn't think the worst performers are in the bottom. Dicko doesn't say anything before G throws to a break.
7 43 Brooke 19 10 10 x lots. I text message Fosse and Shaneequa who are both at rehearsals to let them know and register my astounding disgust at Brooke being there. Shaneequa replies with one word - crap - and Fosse's text is a hopeful goodbye to Thanh.
7 46 Mathieson asks Sophie why she may not be connecting with the people at home. She says she doesn't really know how to answer that, she sings her best etc. They reshow her original audition with her original song and Darren Hayes raves at her and I remember how awesome she is and man, it's hard to type with your fingers crossed. She says she'll do a Potbelleez song if she makes it to next week's Australian week theme.
7 49 Whatserface talks to Brooke and we get a recap of her previous nights performance and how AWESOME she was. Stupid voting public. Coulter asks her if she thinks her performace was up to the level of the others AND FUCK RIGHT OFF, YOU BEATLES RUINING SKANK. Get the FUCK off my show. FIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRED.
7 51 Mathieson holds back the giggles as he asks how Thanh possiby couldn't have known that the Police song is about stalking and there is much wankery about how Thanh still thinks it's a pretty pretty love song. Last night before the show Marcia gave Thanh tips on how to be a scary motherfucker. Heh. She now tells him he has one of the best voices in the comp but he needs to listen.
7 54 Chrislyn wins the Cadbury Best Performance of the night for the second week in a row.
7 55 Phil Collins listening, drumming Cadbury gorilla. STILL FUNNY.
7 58 G gets the giggles about something to do with David Lee Roth. I don't know, he's just adorable when he's flustered. Luke got recognised on the beach and laughingly notes that it was just because he was Dimples.
8 00 G talks to Tom and the fucking idiots in the audience start squealing like he's frigging Justin Timberlake. He is NOT Justin Timberlake, he's not even Joey Fatone, you fucking morons. They show the shocking night that he had and Dimples says he agrees he needs to step up. Dicko gets all Dad on a sad and weepy Dimples and this is why he needs to not be on this show, because he's just a frigging kid and that just got him a THOUSAND sympathy votes from the idiot tweens. Dicko asks him how he feels to be safe on such a poor performance and Dimples says he feels bad. Dicko reminds us all how freaking long we had to listen to Marty Simpson last season purely because someone out there found him attractive. Sickos.
8 04 Mathieson talks some more with The Messiah who is wearing a tartan hat that I just can't even . . . man . . . it deserves applause this one, it's hugely geeky and it's the first hat I have loved. They shoot the breeze about the wankery in the press recently about him having too much real life experience and blah blah. He and whatserface rap in the hallways and whilst The Messiah doesn't pull back from busting out 'motherfucker', he holds back from 'nigger'. She does not. It's random and freaking hilarious and this is the first time I've enjoyed her on the show. Gold. But still fired, obviously.
8 08 I want one of the new nano-chromatic iPods, either the pink or the red one. You wanted to know that, yeah?
8 09 La Lauper!! 'Time After Time'!! Cyndi's got an Appalachian dulcimer perched on her thighs and she is playing that bastard sweetly. She's accompanied by a dude on guitar and she croons beautifully. Her range is great and she sounds amazing, age has barely affected her voice at all. She absolutely shits all over Jordin Sparks from last week. This is great. Even better, she's wearing total stripper shoes! (But is wisely sitting down.) She gets a well deserved standing ovation from the lucky lucky bastards in the audience. G is giddy about the dulcimer and mentions she played Mardi Gras recently - see, the new Cher. She's wonderfully funny and plays up to the boys. Love. Her. Can we keep her? PLEASE?
Sidebar; Red has totally committed to seeing The House Bunny with me. She's awesome, y'all.
8 19 G gets to the first safe contestant (Brooke, Brooke, Brooke, Brooke) and it's . . . fuck. Thanh. Great, he can do his John Farnham impersonation to an actual John Farnham song on Sunday for Australian Week. Sorry Sophie, I don't want you to go, but I don't want it to be Brooke either. Ad break.
8 26 Dicko doesn't think either of the girls deserve to be there based on their performances from the night before. Mathieson reveals that Brooke is going. Fuck. She's upset and that's crap because she was easily the best girl of the night last night and this is the WORST booting since Ben McKenzie. I can only blame her early performance slot. Crappity crap crap.
8 29 As her final song, she's chosen 'These Words' by Natasha Bedingfield again and she's recovered nicely from her disappointment and perks it up and when she sings "I love you" direct to the other contestants, I might just have teared up a little. She's singing this really well and it's an amazing performance to go out on. As soon as she's done singing she gets teary again.
Well, that sucks so very much. Kyle lost his deal with New Idea for them to pay scads of money for his wedding photos because there wasn't going to be enough celebrities so he hastily tries to invite Mathieson, G and the contestants. They all kind of look horrified at each other and then avert their eyes. Bye Brooke. Sob.
TallulahBelle out.
Monday, September 22, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Songs my father flogged to death**
So, my dad? He's TOTALLY one of those people who likes a song, purchases it and who plays it again and again and again. And not on his old school Sony Walkman where only he is subjected to the dulcet tones of The Manhattan Transfer harmonising their way through 'Chanson d'amour', but on the TEAC home stereo system, turned up to eleven and blasting through the living room into every corner of the house and disturbing the peaceful rest of his eldest child who may or may not have been up until the wee small hours of the a.m. watching repeats of Night Court. (It's the weeeeekend, Daaaaad, turn it doooooown, PLEASE, I'm tryyyying to sleeeeeeep. Imagine a sleepy eyed, petulant, young adult stomping through the hallways at noon in Sailor Moon pjs with severe caffeine withdrawal and an essay on Brecht and the Theatre of the Absurd due on Monday that she hasn't even started. I whinged a lot growing up. The World: And that's changed, how?) Anyway, Dad (still goes) went through periods of loving a song the way Lenny loves rabbits, he loves it and hugs it and pets it until it DIES in his arms. (Now, he plays them on his iPod. Via his iPod docking thing that he has linked to the home stereo system so it STILL pulses through the house, waking me when I'm home on my holiday and may or may not have been up until the wee small hours of the a.m. watching repeats of whatever the hell was on Foxtel at the time. Not Night Court. I wonder why they don't show that. Hmmmm.) And seeing as the majority of the Painful Death Of Songs By Dad happened during the 80's and 90's, they're almost ALL songs from the 1980's, so what better theme to use to choose better songs for the Idol's, than this one? Yay for Dad and his bloodyminded need to listen to a song a thousand times. Which he has totally passed on to me. Balls.
Oh! And before we go any further, Cyndi Lauper is my total and utter hero and new girl crush. She is awesome. She is the new black. I adore her.
Mathieson and G are beSIDE themselves that La Lauper and her squinty eyed chipmunk cheeked goodness are here to make their show a thousand times better than it normally is. They spruik her new CD Bring Ya To The Brink and gay men Australia wide quickly double check their CD collection to make sure they already have this one, she's the new Cher, y'all. For real, she was in the last season of Queer As Folk (she played a couple of numbers at the Babylon just before it was blown up by some homophobic Cyndi haters, nearly killing Michael, but allowing Brian Kinney to finally admit his love for Justin. Oh. Good times. I fucking love that show. Excuse me for an hour whilst I YouTube that episode) and she's a regular news article at AfterElton. Anyway, she's here to make sure we remember that the Goonies R good enough and that girls just want to have fun. Unless you're a girl this season, because it's a boy's season to lose.
Now I'm completely being up front and honest here (and Shaneequa will back me up) when I say that one of the songs Killed By Dad (KBD here on in) is totally John Cougar Mellencamp's 1982 hit 'Jack and Diane' (the other potential was 'R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.' but Luke Dickens has rather made the choice for me). Now I can't 100% say that it would have been Luke I'd have given this song to but I'm going with it. Cyndi tells him he has a great rock voice and that he needs to 'take command' when he starts the song. He tells her it was 'bloody good to meetcha'. So ocker. Why am I liking him more and more? I usually HATE That Guy. It's a mystery for the ages. He still really needs to shave that damn thing on his chin. He starts off nicely and RIPS into the chorus, full throated whiskey gargle and all and then rather pointlessly jumps off the stage to . . . run around and come up the other stairs. He tilts his head as he sings my favourite line "let the bible belt come and save my soul" but he sings the next line "hold onto sixteen as long as you can" wrong, garbling the lyrics into mash. He doesn't appear to let it get to him, rocking on to the end. It's a good performance, even with the slight American twang he's singing with. Yeah, I don't get why I like him at all. But I do.
Dicko commends him on listening to Cyndi and taking command, telling him it was great work and says that up til now he maybe has felt he didn't belong, "a little sheepish" (he immediately apologises for the bad pun) but tells him he's travelling well. Marcia thinks it was outstanding to see him so comfortable and a great song choice on his part and outs (hah!) Cyndi as a cryer. She'd best be careful with the tears, she's rocking a HELL of a smoky eye, is Cyndi. La Lauper applauds and tells him he was so good and says if he wants to wear devil tshirts "it's rock and roll'. All the pointless platitudes just sound better coming out of her mouth, don't they? Kyle thinks he's borrowed one of Dicko's shirts and agrees that he's lifted, but that he should watch the tape back and lift up even more.
Cyndi fucking Lauper is on the show. Whatserface Coulter does not exist for the night. Fired.
Okay, so Cold Chisel released 'Flame Trees' in 1984 but it's the recent Sarah Blasko version that's been KBD, he played it nonfuckingstop during the two weeks in June that I was home recently. (It's actually pretty fucking awesome, go download it now. I'll wait.) Brooke Addamo could make the sweetest freaking love to that version. It's soaring, it's sweeping, it's got a great melancholic sadness to it that Brooke's voice would really suit. Plus it's damn close to a ballad, Sarah's version. Seriously, Brooke should think about doing this at some point, maybe for Australian week. I hunger for her to do this song. Actually, she needs to do that Australian week and I need to shut up because Kim Carnes' 1981 piece of brilliance, 'Bette Davis' Eyes'? What an awesome fucking song choice. Bravo Brooke. (So long as it ain't the Gwyneth Paltrow version. Urgh.) La Lauper gives Brooke great performance advice about losing herself in this sexy, sultry song and then makes her push Cyndi around, hipchecking her and getting handsy. Once she's out on stage Brooke vamps it up, adding a throaty, husky tone to her voice that suits this song perfectly. The hands across the eyes, I could do without. Never mime what you're singing, Brooke. But beautifully sung. And nice legs, missy.
Marcia tells her it's the most solid and aggressive she's seen her and that the pushing around works for her. Cyndi tells her it was great, she made it her own and that she "did good". Kyle blinks and you can see him telling himself to look at her face, not her legs, her face, her face. He says that's the first time he's gone "wow" to her. Dicko tells her she looks incredibly hot and contemporary and is slowly washing the high school performer out of her hair (and god, I keep forgetting she's only 17, she's ready for Albert Hall in comparison to Dimples). He thought she was going to be too timid for that song but it was a great performance. Mathieson pushes her around the stage and she just sparkles at him.
I know it's been done on this show before but I would love to hear Guns n Roses 1987 hit 'Sweet Child of Mine' bouncing off Madam Parker's vocal cords. Can't you just hear her swooping up the line of 'wo wo wo wooah sweet child of mii-iii-iine'? Isn't it pretty? My dad didn't kill this song, Little Brother sent this one to an early grave. He had a total boycrush on the guitarist Slash and this creepy as all fuck block mounted poster thing on his wall that looked like it wanted to glow in the dark. It was a drawing of the group and their faces were all skulls but THE EYES STILL FOLLOWED YOU AROUND THE ROOM. That thing was one of a myriad of reasons never to go into my brother's room. Oh, the reasons, they were legion and the stuff of nightmares. Madam has a flu or something and Cyndi spends most of her time teaching her excellent ways to open her throat (dirty). She's actually singing Diana Ross's 1980 hit 'Upside Down' and that's just a little obvious. Go wild, Madam, sing some Gunners!! She's still scratchy sounding and struggles to get some of the higher notes out but she's trying and still giving it her all. She also looks HOT. Curly hair is SO her. She is wearing enormous fucking hoop earrings for the second week in a row. Her and the earrings, Messiah and his hats, can you buy Idol Accessories via the Official Site? She looks like she kind of gives up by the finish and just lets it end.
Cyndi asks her how she felt and tells her it was much better than her soundcheck. She also tells her that with choosing RnB songs, she needs to strengthen her middle register more. Some actual fucking singing advice. Man, is SHE on the wrong show. Kyle thinks she looks hot too and tells her she pulled it together well for someone who couldn't speak a couple of days ago. Dicko says by her own very high standards it was a bit raggedy, but tells her she's showing a real versatility and that she's going to have a career regardless of the show. Marcia tells her how nice it is to see someone comfortable on the stage, doing her thing. Marcia, for actual critique, please speak to the Brooklyn Babe on your right.
Mark Spano looks TINY standing next to She Who Isn't On The Show Tonight At All, Thanks, Especially In That Ridiculous Yellow Thing She's Wearing, Oh My God, The Stylists Totally Hate Her Too; Fired!! Oh my sweet Current Favourite, I hate Foreigner's 'I Wanna Know What Love Is' and one of the reasons is my Dad killed it dead. Dead, dead, dead. Deader than the Eagles live concert DVD that he plays at any given time of the day from their Hell Freezes Over tour that makes me wish it would so I could ice skate down there, bring back Jeffrey Dahmer and set him to work on Don Henley. It's SO dead, it didn't even make it onto my list of songs that I would like to see you guys do. Instead, I would totally love and consider it a personal favour, if you would sing Dire Straits 'Brothers In Arms' at some point because really and truly? It would be the awesomest awesome that ever awesomed. I ain't even kidding. Mark Spano and that brilliant 1985 anthem? I . . just . . . chills, man. (Don't listen to Fosse, he's a nasty 'BiA' hater.) Mark has also not been well and Cyndi shows him some exercises and he totally needs to do that stuff to make sure he never ever hurts his cords again because I need him to sing. I do. Because next week Euph and Shaneequa are making the trek to Chez Belle to watch Idol and whilst Shaneequa scoffs at my love of The Spano, Euph is right there with me and we need our eye and ear candy. Mathieson smarms that he loves a power ballad right before Mark comes out and sweet jesus and mary chain, he gets out a shovel, digs down six feet, drags out the rotting corpse of this song and breathes life back into it. I mean, it's a very rote arrangement, it's not particularly deviating from the original but . . . I do kind of wanna show him what love is. It's just really well sung. Again. *dopey grin*
Kyle nods that it was a very nice job and Mark starts looking really red when he says that ladies at home (*waves*) would think that is the type of lover he is, yeah? Then Kyle throws his drippy self at La Lauper who now needs a long, hot, scalding shower to remove the Stank of Kyle. He calls Mark 100% believeable, tells him he owns the stage and that he'll appeal to both ladies and gents of a certain persuasion. Dicko calls him Spanner and talks about how relaxed he is backstage, at which point Spanner (stealing, totally, thanks!) pops an eyebrow a la Phil from the Amazing Race and the contest is OVER. This guy, right here? No one can shift him from my favourite position now, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm his. Dicko wants to know how hard he's pushing himself because he's unbelievably comfortable "up there" and says at his radio station the girls love him and love his voice and the gay guys love him with the sound turned down. Fosse takes umbrage at Mark's reaction to this but my besotted Mark coloured glasses don't see anything wrong. He laughs and says "as long as they vote". Marcia gets all "there are millions of women who would like to show you what love is" and I already made that joke, Brown Sugar. Cyndi gets all Brooklyn on him, talking about him being Italian. G and I TOTALLY have the same taste in men, and I point out to Shaneequa that G is so very touchy feely with Spanner. Spanner. Heeee.
Sidebar; Am I a bad person for wanting to see The House Bunny? I totally find Anna Faris hiLARious when she isn't in those awful Scary Movie movies. Or in Brokeback Mountain, 'cause she ain't going for comedy in that film. Plus . . . oh, I'm legless, I have not a leg to stand on, it's total fluff and I don't care. I still want to see it. Shut up.
Tom Williams was born in 1992. That could be an excuse for the shitty song and painful performance of Billy Joel's 'Uptown Girl' but as Shaneequa snottily points out, Westlife did a (in her words) brilliantly hilarious pisstake version of this song that he should be able to relate to. We neither of us like Dimples too much and we drift off to the kitchen because we just don't care about his time with Cyndi or his prettified and boring singing. You know what my Dad used to do a lot? Technically not the killing of a song, but he totally used to hum the theme song to Fawlty Towers a lot before and after an episode and in the 80's the ABC showed that show a lot. Or Dad had it on video. I just remember seeing that show heaps. Don't you think tonight's ep of Idol would have been much much better if instead of singing, Dimples had just come out and hummed the theme to Fawlty Towers whilst Mathieson and G re-enacted the episode where Fawlty isn't allowed to mention the war to the German tourists?
"You started it"
"No, we didn't."
"Yes, you did, you invaded Poland."
Dicko tells him he's like a nine year old boy pushed on stage by a pushy stage mum and that there was no fun in the performance, that the song should be a show stopper and "that was a speed bump". Love your work Dicko. The idiots in the live audience who must be high, boo. Idiots, shut up. Marcia, completely unsurprisingly disagrees and thinks it was one of the most mature perfs she's seen him do. Has she had her eyes closed during his other performances? The fuck? Shut up Marcia. La Lauper says he sang it well but he needs to own the stage more and she's proud of him and that he'll get it. She's been infected by Marcia! Oh good god, move her, quickly! Kyle: one word. Disaster. Oh, Dimples looks like he's going to cry. Can we let him go, PLEASE? I don't want him to cry. G doesn't touch Dimples in the slightest.
Sidebar; I harbour no interest at all in seeing Keira Knightley's stone jaw and total lack of body fat in another period film. Have we learnt nothing from Pride and Prejudice, people?
First my mother and then Kasey Chambers ruined Cyndi's own song 1983 mega hit 'True Colours' for me and this is the second song tonight that I already had on my list! Again, I don't know that I would have chosen this song for Chrislyn Hamilton but if Cyndi's down with it, I am too. Week two of the Journey! of Chrislyn as the Representative of Inner Beauty as she and Cyndi get all teary about inner beauty and just one week, I'd like us not to touch on this subject, because yes, she's a big girl but she's not hideous to look at. Dude. Shaneequa and I are thoroughly chuffed with her 80's inspired hair and makeup choices and add points to her excellent singing and arrangement. I immediately deduct points as Chrislyn does not sing "twue cowours" at any point - which my brother and I used to do ALL the time when my mother played this song, collapsing in fits of giggles. "Like a wainbow". *snort* She gets a standing ovation from a large chunk of the audience and, look, it's no 'Here's Where I Stand', the song that PoorPoorCasey sung at her semi final which is a total Fuck You song about not being physically perfect (go watch the movie Camp which features that song, and if you do not cry a little when Tiffany Taylor sings that song, you may not currently own a soul) but it was pretty good.
Marcia and her crooked wig tells Chrislyn that "she showed her true colours". Shaneequa and I both roll our eyes and chime in with variations of "you are a rainbow" (except I might have said "wainbow"). La Lauper said she initially didn't understand the interpretation and that Chrislyn held her performance back until now but that she was in it and she owned it. Chrislyn says she feels beautiful and rejuvenated. Cyndi said she would do this song bared to the bone but that the arrangement was lovely and suited her (and seriously, Cyndi acoustic is AWESOME. I know I use that word a lot, but really, look in the dictionary, there's a picture of Cyndi playing an acoustic gig next to the word Awesome. Then go find a version of 'Time After Time' that she sings with Sarah McLachlan and prepare to be floored by the brilliance.) Kyle tells her she looks great and he felt the emotion. Dicko says it was such an important song because we've seen the barnstorming Big Mama songs but we hadn't seen the tender, quiet, still Chrislyn, but she passed with flying colours. Mathieson wants to know exactly how much she shat her pants when she found out that Cyndi would be mentoring the week that she'd chosen one of her songs. Chrislyn says "lots".
Teale Jakubenko gets busted by Cyndi for being too tight (dirty) and is made to warm up his body. Shaneequa (the experienced proper singing person in the room) nods and remarks that Cyndi is serving up GOLD in the advice arena. iTunes recently afforded my father the opportunity to KBD Status Quo's 1975 song (what? It's only five years out. They'd have let Bobby Flynn sing a 1975 song in the 1980's week) 'Down Down' - which seriously, when you hear it EIGHT TIMES A DAY feels like the longest song ever written, it just goes on and on and on. The Quo deserve better. Not that Teale is necessarily going to be that, but wouldn't you like to see Teale glam rock it up, just a bit? Maybe with a little eye makeup too. He needs to cut loose, move away from the Very Proper Singing that he does and get, dare I say it, DIRTY. It's also in his range too, it's not too middle register but it's also not high enough that he can try out his falsetto which I. Am. Over. He's chosen U2's 1987 snorefest 'Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For'. He pulls total Jesus Pose whilst at the microphone, urges the audience to "come on" and then saunters over to the backing singers. It's well sung but another unremarkable performance.
Cyndi thinks it was great and he sat in every note and it sounded like that guy he likes but not like him and what? Has Teale been telling La Lauper about his infatuation with Rick Price, because dude, no. To Kyle, it was a superstar performance and says it was a great voice for a great song. Dicko says it's the biggest improvement he's seen from week to week on this show and says the confidence in the performance was brilliant. Teale says it was time for him to step up. Was I watching the wrong channel or something? He was good but DULL. Marcia tells him to remember Cyndi's advice and says the best thing about his performance was that it was over too soon. Huh? Doesn't she mean, the worst thing about his performance was that it was over too soon? What are they cutting Marcia's stash with these days? G and Mathieson come out and G doesn't touch Teale at all. He is totally Spano's bitch.
Ohhhh, you guys! The Pretenders. 1980. 'Brass In Pocket'. Sophie Paterson. Huh??! Huh!! Because also, Sophie TOTALLY has that same vaguely whiny quality in her voice that Chrissie Hynde OWNS (it's the good kind of whiny, trust me) and they both have that lazy sensuality in their tone but honestly, 'Brass In Pocket', 'Back On The Chain Gang', 'Hymn To Her' - Sophie would knock any one of those songs out of the park. Get on that, Paterson! I like it a lot more than her doing The Eurythmics 1983 song (and man, their name is hard to spell without looking up) 'Sweet Dreams'. She's adorably nervous about being in the prescence of Cyndi, who immediately picks up on Sophie's penchant for going a little flat in the higher register. They wiggle their hips and warm up. Sophie comes out with a side fringe and high ponytail that TOTALLY makes her look like Hayley from Season Two. Shaneequa notes that in two eps she's shown more personality than Hayley did in her whole season and aren't we snarky tonight?? Sophie still goes flat in the same part she did with Cyndi but she's still not doing bad. Awww, she's rehearsed arm movements with the backup singers! I'm so lame, that's so what I would do if I was on this show so I can't pick on her at all for that. She finishes really really strongly and I'd say this is the best singing she's done thus far. Also, her enunciating is much better.
Kyle didn't think she'd have the oomph to get that song out and right but she proved him wrong. Dicko was also worried due to her previous pitch problems but there weren't any this week. He calls her a blonde bombshell but hates her Pussycat Dolls shoes, saying the stripper shoes are no good. Kyle points out they're more like tranny shoes and it's the perfect segue to Marcia! She's also really chuffed about the choreography with the backup singers. Cyndi brings it back to the shoes and tells her not to wear shoes she can't dance in and gives her some podiatry advice. Mathieson recommends Hush Puppies and flirts with Sophie a bit. A lot. He's jealous of G's relationship with Spanner.
The Messiah's workshop opens with him singing "can't start a fire without a spark" and that's great because I want him to sing Dad's favourite song of 1989, Billy Joel's 'We Didn't Start The Fire' and the lyrics are VERY similar, yes? It's not really a song you can sing and yes, this is punishment for the hats, Wes Carr. Oh fine, go ahead and do your Bruce Springsteen 1984 smash hit 'Dancing In The Dark' if you must. Cyndi recognises the glory of the coming of the lord and has very little advice to give the terribly talented and well put together musician that is Wes. Shaneequa wonders who is going to be Courtney Cox about a minute before G makes a similar joke. The Messiah is wearing another hat. Oy. He also has his guitar and that's two weeks in a row they've let him use an instrument. He has a rollicking good time and is just so very very good. Final two, I'm calling it. Wes and Mark. There, done. Last time I called a correct final two this early it was Irish and Jess. I'd love to be right again. It's very well sung in his extremely great style and he's ace. Love.
Dicko nods that it was yet another brilliant performance and forgot to judge and just kicked back and enjoyed it. Dicko loves him. Marcia tells him not to ever change a thing and he's a great performer. I'd change the hats. La Lauper wants to know if he felt good about it and says the next step is writing songs and she's in absolute love with him. We all are, Cyndi! Kyle talks about the "controversy" about someone with Wes' experience being allowed in the competition - and if we aren't bitching about them having no experience and no stagecraft, we're bitching about them having too much. Shut up journalists. Kyle says if he had to invest money in someone today, Wes would be it. I'd doubleteam him with Mark and release something and . . . man, everything I type today is dirty. G is a little touchy with Wes who is too busy flirting with Cyndi and her sparkling eyes to notice.
'Wiggle It' is AWFUL. But her CD single cover is SMOKING hot. Doesn't matter because she's NOT ON THE SHOW TONIGHT. Right?
As a family, we handily destroyed Mike And The Mechanics 1988 monster 'The Living Years'. We'd pump up the radio every time that bitch came on and you'd get a five part (dis)harmony to rival anything Queen did on 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. We didn't just kill that song, we knifed it in the gut, giving it a stomach wound that took about five months to fester and slowly bleed out. Death by FamilyBelle. It's not a good or humane way to go. Roshani Priddis needs to do a slower number. Something that showcases her softer range but also gives her the opp to belt out some angt ridden lyrics about death and missed opportunities. She'd make me cry, I'm telling you that right now, it's the song for her. Cyndi doesn't talk her out of Tina Turner's 1984 hit 'What's Love Got To Do With It', telling her instead to put her own stamp on it. Roshani's dress has shiny bits on it and kind of reminds me of Tina's outfit from Mad Max Thunderdome. She sings the everloving life out of this song and it actually fits my earlier brief, as she uses her lower range to begin with and then slowly moves to the belting. I'd still like to see some angst. She doesn't give this angst. It could use angst. I'm going to stop typing angst now.
Someone yells out that they love her and Marcia gets her best line of the night telling him he needs to take a number and sit down, because yeah, we all want a Roshani of our very own. Every home should have one! Marcia gets quite animated about how fantastic she thought it was, gushing a little bit. Cyndi thought she hit her points and worked through all the steps in the song and her arrangment built. She does point out that she needs to watch her pitch in the lower register and talks about her shoes as well. Kyle agrees with the ladies but thinks she sat a little too safe and could have smashed it from start to finish. Dicko agrees that there was some trepidation about her pitch and if she'd let go like she did last week it would have better. (Dicko "the stocks are rising for the banker from Sri Lanka". Australia: Groan.) Cyndi leaps to Roshani's defence arguing that she sat into the note, sang her guts out at the end and that she had to start off soft to have it build and whaddya want, a one note sally? Love. Her. G remembers Cyndi from Wrestlemania. Oh dear.
I remember in Season Four (Year of The Irish), this happened in the first episode of the Top Twelve; "I can’t stand Richard Marx. I spent 1989 loathing his album because my sister played it nonfuckingstop and it drove me batshit crazy. I had to say that so you would understand exactly how much I did not enjoy Joseph Gatehau’s rendition of 'Right Here Waiting'. " I still hate that song. My sister just, oh, that fucking CD. I can't hear ANYTHING from that CD without flashing back to not being able to GET AWAY FROM RICHARD MARX. But! This was Joseph's first and last performance on Idol so maybe, just maybe, lightening would strike twice. Thanh Bui could oversing 'Right Here Waiting' to his little boyband heart's content and then BAM. Gone. I'd willingly sit through that for those results. Wouldn't you? Instead we have to sit through Thanh's rendition of the stalkeriffic Police song 'Every Breath You Take'. He thinks its a love song. Oh. My. God. Research your songs people, you're supposed to be musicians, JESUS. Cyndi is vaguely horrified by this. I am horrified by the Young Talent Time, Callea-lite performance in front of me and have to You Tube when Robert Downey Jr was on Ally McBeal and arranged a surprise performance of this song for her birthday and sang a verse only to reveal at the chorus that Sting was there. If you can, go watch this. It will wash away the bad taste of Thanh's version, I promise. Robert Downey Jr makes EVERYTHING better at the moment. Him or Neil Patrick Harris. Or Jensen Ackles, man, I am ALL about Jensen at the moment, he's veering dangerously close to The Clooney territory. The Ackles. Doesn't really have the same ring to it, might have to work on that. I'll do that while I watch Season 3 of Supernatural - in between the giggling and swooning. And now I've completely forgotten all about Thanh. Thank you Jensen. Oh, alright. Judges. But it can't be good.
Cyndi nervously laughs, noting "it's hard for me because I've worked with him" and then scrunches her face up so much her eyes completely freaking disappear before she asks him if he was 'there'. He was. Man, he's SO oblivious. She says it was much better - jesus, than what? She thought it was great. Oh, I'm confused, how the FUCK was that great? Was Cyndi also looking at photos of Jensen Ackles? Did someone pop a laptop in front of her and play RDJ and Sting on Ally McBeal and now she's all confused? Is Marcia sharing her stash? Kyle compliments the band and Cyndi plays with his handkerchief (not dirty in the slightest). He thinks he threw off the fake boy band veneer. Well, I didn't see that at all. Then awesomely Cyndi starts talking about practically opening a vein when you perform to be human and pushes Kyle, saying he doesn't understand because he's not an artist, "you play records, you don't make them". Dicko calls Thanh a labour of love and says we're not quite there yet. He would have liked it slowed down, it was too cheesy and doesn't know what kind of artist he's going to be; he's not direct enough for pop, not sexy enough for RnB, not cool enough for new soul. Ditch him. Him first, then Dimples. Then we'll have a show. Marcia insists that he's a work in progress (Kyle says not him, and Marcia snerks at him that he's done, he's totally perfect, and that's TWO for Brown Sugar!) and she wants Thanh to drop the veneer. Mathieson and G come out to talk to Thanh who is lovely and accepting of any criticism. He's nice. But I don't like his singing. Sorry.
Bottom three . . . should be Dimples, Thanh and Teale. I have no IDEA who it actually will be. I'd LOVE to see Dimples or Thanh go. They're the weak spots. Spanner and The Messiah as safe as houses in a really safe place, right? Yeah. Looking forward to seeing La Lauper singing 'Time After Time' and one of the T's (Tom, Teale and Thanh) going home. Are you listening Australia??
Top three . . . Spanner, The Messiah and Brooke. With a little of Sophie and Luke thrown in.
TallulahBelle Out
**Okay, so technically, Songs my father, brother, sister, mother, myself and Kasey Chambers & Australian Rugby flogged to death, but that's just not as catchy, damnit.
Oh! And before we go any further, Cyndi Lauper is my total and utter hero and new girl crush. She is awesome. She is the new black. I adore her.
Mathieson and G are beSIDE themselves that La Lauper and her squinty eyed chipmunk cheeked goodness are here to make their show a thousand times better than it normally is. They spruik her new CD Bring Ya To The Brink and gay men Australia wide quickly double check their CD collection to make sure they already have this one, she's the new Cher, y'all. For real, she was in the last season of Queer As Folk (she played a couple of numbers at the Babylon just before it was blown up by some homophobic Cyndi haters, nearly killing Michael, but allowing Brian Kinney to finally admit his love for Justin. Oh. Good times. I fucking love that show. Excuse me for an hour whilst I YouTube that episode) and she's a regular news article at AfterElton. Anyway, she's here to make sure we remember that the Goonies R good enough and that girls just want to have fun. Unless you're a girl this season, because it's a boy's season to lose.
Now I'm completely being up front and honest here (and Shaneequa will back me up) when I say that one of the songs Killed By Dad (KBD here on in) is totally John Cougar Mellencamp's 1982 hit 'Jack and Diane' (the other potential was 'R.O.C.K. in the U.S.A.' but Luke Dickens has rather made the choice for me). Now I can't 100% say that it would have been Luke I'd have given this song to but I'm going with it. Cyndi tells him he has a great rock voice and that he needs to 'take command' when he starts the song. He tells her it was 'bloody good to meetcha'. So ocker. Why am I liking him more and more? I usually HATE That Guy. It's a mystery for the ages. He still really needs to shave that damn thing on his chin. He starts off nicely and RIPS into the chorus, full throated whiskey gargle and all and then rather pointlessly jumps off the stage to . . . run around and come up the other stairs. He tilts his head as he sings my favourite line "let the bible belt come and save my soul" but he sings the next line "hold onto sixteen as long as you can" wrong, garbling the lyrics into mash. He doesn't appear to let it get to him, rocking on to the end. It's a good performance, even with the slight American twang he's singing with. Yeah, I don't get why I like him at all. But I do.
Dicko commends him on listening to Cyndi and taking command, telling him it was great work and says that up til now he maybe has felt he didn't belong, "a little sheepish" (he immediately apologises for the bad pun) but tells him he's travelling well. Marcia thinks it was outstanding to see him so comfortable and a great song choice on his part and outs (hah!) Cyndi as a cryer. She'd best be careful with the tears, she's rocking a HELL of a smoky eye, is Cyndi. La Lauper applauds and tells him he was so good and says if he wants to wear devil tshirts "it's rock and roll'. All the pointless platitudes just sound better coming out of her mouth, don't they? Kyle thinks he's borrowed one of Dicko's shirts and agrees that he's lifted, but that he should watch the tape back and lift up even more.
Cyndi fucking Lauper is on the show. Whatserface Coulter does not exist for the night. Fired.
Okay, so Cold Chisel released 'Flame Trees' in 1984 but it's the recent Sarah Blasko version that's been KBD, he played it nonfuckingstop during the two weeks in June that I was home recently. (It's actually pretty fucking awesome, go download it now. I'll wait.) Brooke Addamo could make the sweetest freaking love to that version. It's soaring, it's sweeping, it's got a great melancholic sadness to it that Brooke's voice would really suit. Plus it's damn close to a ballad, Sarah's version. Seriously, Brooke should think about doing this at some point, maybe for Australian week. I hunger for her to do this song. Actually, she needs to do that Australian week and I need to shut up because Kim Carnes' 1981 piece of brilliance, 'Bette Davis' Eyes'? What an awesome fucking song choice. Bravo Brooke. (So long as it ain't the Gwyneth Paltrow version. Urgh.) La Lauper gives Brooke great performance advice about losing herself in this sexy, sultry song and then makes her push Cyndi around, hipchecking her and getting handsy. Once she's out on stage Brooke vamps it up, adding a throaty, husky tone to her voice that suits this song perfectly. The hands across the eyes, I could do without. Never mime what you're singing, Brooke. But beautifully sung. And nice legs, missy.
Marcia tells her it's the most solid and aggressive she's seen her and that the pushing around works for her. Cyndi tells her it was great, she made it her own and that she "did good". Kyle blinks and you can see him telling himself to look at her face, not her legs, her face, her face. He says that's the first time he's gone "wow" to her. Dicko tells her she looks incredibly hot and contemporary and is slowly washing the high school performer out of her hair (and god, I keep forgetting she's only 17, she's ready for Albert Hall in comparison to Dimples). He thought she was going to be too timid for that song but it was a great performance. Mathieson pushes her around the stage and she just sparkles at him.
I know it's been done on this show before but I would love to hear Guns n Roses 1987 hit 'Sweet Child of Mine' bouncing off Madam Parker's vocal cords. Can't you just hear her swooping up the line of 'wo wo wo wooah sweet child of mii-iii-iine'? Isn't it pretty? My dad didn't kill this song, Little Brother sent this one to an early grave. He had a total boycrush on the guitarist Slash and this creepy as all fuck block mounted poster thing on his wall that looked like it wanted to glow in the dark. It was a drawing of the group and their faces were all skulls but THE EYES STILL FOLLOWED YOU AROUND THE ROOM. That thing was one of a myriad of reasons never to go into my brother's room. Oh, the reasons, they were legion and the stuff of nightmares. Madam has a flu or something and Cyndi spends most of her time teaching her excellent ways to open her throat (dirty). She's actually singing Diana Ross's 1980 hit 'Upside Down' and that's just a little obvious. Go wild, Madam, sing some Gunners!! She's still scratchy sounding and struggles to get some of the higher notes out but she's trying and still giving it her all. She also looks HOT. Curly hair is SO her. She is wearing enormous fucking hoop earrings for the second week in a row. Her and the earrings, Messiah and his hats, can you buy Idol Accessories via the Official Site? She looks like she kind of gives up by the finish and just lets it end.
Cyndi asks her how she felt and tells her it was much better than her soundcheck. She also tells her that with choosing RnB songs, she needs to strengthen her middle register more. Some actual fucking singing advice. Man, is SHE on the wrong show. Kyle thinks she looks hot too and tells her she pulled it together well for someone who couldn't speak a couple of days ago. Dicko says by her own very high standards it was a bit raggedy, but tells her she's showing a real versatility and that she's going to have a career regardless of the show. Marcia tells her how nice it is to see someone comfortable on the stage, doing her thing. Marcia, for actual critique, please speak to the Brooklyn Babe on your right.
Mark Spano looks TINY standing next to She Who Isn't On The Show Tonight At All, Thanks, Especially In That Ridiculous Yellow Thing She's Wearing, Oh My God, The Stylists Totally Hate Her Too; Fired!! Oh my sweet Current Favourite, I hate Foreigner's 'I Wanna Know What Love Is' and one of the reasons is my Dad killed it dead. Dead, dead, dead. Deader than the Eagles live concert DVD that he plays at any given time of the day from their Hell Freezes Over tour that makes me wish it would so I could ice skate down there, bring back Jeffrey Dahmer and set him to work on Don Henley. It's SO dead, it didn't even make it onto my list of songs that I would like to see you guys do. Instead, I would totally love and consider it a personal favour, if you would sing Dire Straits 'Brothers In Arms' at some point because really and truly? It would be the awesomest awesome that ever awesomed. I ain't even kidding. Mark Spano and that brilliant 1985 anthem? I . . just . . . chills, man. (Don't listen to Fosse, he's a nasty 'BiA' hater.) Mark has also not been well and Cyndi shows him some exercises and he totally needs to do that stuff to make sure he never ever hurts his cords again because I need him to sing. I do. Because next week Euph and Shaneequa are making the trek to Chez Belle to watch Idol and whilst Shaneequa scoffs at my love of The Spano, Euph is right there with me and we need our eye and ear candy. Mathieson smarms that he loves a power ballad right before Mark comes out and sweet jesus and mary chain, he gets out a shovel, digs down six feet, drags out the rotting corpse of this song and breathes life back into it. I mean, it's a very rote arrangement, it's not particularly deviating from the original but . . . I do kind of wanna show him what love is. It's just really well sung. Again. *dopey grin*
Kyle nods that it was a very nice job and Mark starts looking really red when he says that ladies at home (*waves*) would think that is the type of lover he is, yeah? Then Kyle throws his drippy self at La Lauper who now needs a long, hot, scalding shower to remove the Stank of Kyle. He calls Mark 100% believeable, tells him he owns the stage and that he'll appeal to both ladies and gents of a certain persuasion. Dicko calls him Spanner and talks about how relaxed he is backstage, at which point Spanner (stealing, totally, thanks!) pops an eyebrow a la Phil from the Amazing Race and the contest is OVER. This guy, right here? No one can shift him from my favourite position now, signed, sealed, delivered, I'm his. Dicko wants to know how hard he's pushing himself because he's unbelievably comfortable "up there" and says at his radio station the girls love him and love his voice and the gay guys love him with the sound turned down. Fosse takes umbrage at Mark's reaction to this but my besotted Mark coloured glasses don't see anything wrong. He laughs and says "as long as they vote". Marcia gets all "there are millions of women who would like to show you what love is" and I already made that joke, Brown Sugar. Cyndi gets all Brooklyn on him, talking about him being Italian. G and I TOTALLY have the same taste in men, and I point out to Shaneequa that G is so very touchy feely with Spanner. Spanner. Heeee.
Sidebar; Am I a bad person for wanting to see The House Bunny? I totally find Anna Faris hiLARious when she isn't in those awful Scary Movie movies. Or in Brokeback Mountain, 'cause she ain't going for comedy in that film. Plus . . . oh, I'm legless, I have not a leg to stand on, it's total fluff and I don't care. I still want to see it. Shut up.
Tom Williams was born in 1992. That could be an excuse for the shitty song and painful performance of Billy Joel's 'Uptown Girl' but as Shaneequa snottily points out, Westlife did a (in her words) brilliantly hilarious pisstake version of this song that he should be able to relate to. We neither of us like Dimples too much and we drift off to the kitchen because we just don't care about his time with Cyndi or his prettified and boring singing. You know what my Dad used to do a lot? Technically not the killing of a song, but he totally used to hum the theme song to Fawlty Towers a lot before and after an episode and in the 80's the ABC showed that show a lot. Or Dad had it on video. I just remember seeing that show heaps. Don't you think tonight's ep of Idol would have been much much better if instead of singing, Dimples had just come out and hummed the theme to Fawlty Towers whilst Mathieson and G re-enacted the episode where Fawlty isn't allowed to mention the war to the German tourists?
"You started it"
"No, we didn't."
"Yes, you did, you invaded Poland."
Dicko tells him he's like a nine year old boy pushed on stage by a pushy stage mum and that there was no fun in the performance, that the song should be a show stopper and "that was a speed bump". Love your work Dicko. The idiots in the live audience who must be high, boo. Idiots, shut up. Marcia, completely unsurprisingly disagrees and thinks it was one of the most mature perfs she's seen him do. Has she had her eyes closed during his other performances? The fuck? Shut up Marcia. La Lauper says he sang it well but he needs to own the stage more and she's proud of him and that he'll get it. She's been infected by Marcia! Oh good god, move her, quickly! Kyle: one word. Disaster. Oh, Dimples looks like he's going to cry. Can we let him go, PLEASE? I don't want him to cry. G doesn't touch Dimples in the slightest.
Sidebar; I harbour no interest at all in seeing Keira Knightley's stone jaw and total lack of body fat in another period film. Have we learnt nothing from Pride and Prejudice, people?
First my mother and then Kasey Chambers ruined Cyndi's own song 1983 mega hit 'True Colours' for me and this is the second song tonight that I already had on my list! Again, I don't know that I would have chosen this song for Chrislyn Hamilton but if Cyndi's down with it, I am too. Week two of the Journey! of Chrislyn as the Representative of Inner Beauty as she and Cyndi get all teary about inner beauty and just one week, I'd like us not to touch on this subject, because yes, she's a big girl but she's not hideous to look at. Dude. Shaneequa and I are thoroughly chuffed with her 80's inspired hair and makeup choices and add points to her excellent singing and arrangement. I immediately deduct points as Chrislyn does not sing "twue cowours" at any point - which my brother and I used to do ALL the time when my mother played this song, collapsing in fits of giggles. "Like a wainbow". *snort* She gets a standing ovation from a large chunk of the audience and, look, it's no 'Here's Where I Stand', the song that PoorPoorCasey sung at her semi final which is a total Fuck You song about not being physically perfect (go watch the movie Camp which features that song, and if you do not cry a little when Tiffany Taylor sings that song, you may not currently own a soul) but it was pretty good.
Marcia and her crooked wig tells Chrislyn that "she showed her true colours". Shaneequa and I both roll our eyes and chime in with variations of "you are a rainbow" (except I might have said "wainbow"). La Lauper said she initially didn't understand the interpretation and that Chrislyn held her performance back until now but that she was in it and she owned it. Chrislyn says she feels beautiful and rejuvenated. Cyndi said she would do this song bared to the bone but that the arrangement was lovely and suited her (and seriously, Cyndi acoustic is AWESOME. I know I use that word a lot, but really, look in the dictionary, there's a picture of Cyndi playing an acoustic gig next to the word Awesome. Then go find a version of 'Time After Time' that she sings with Sarah McLachlan and prepare to be floored by the brilliance.) Kyle tells her she looks great and he felt the emotion. Dicko says it was such an important song because we've seen the barnstorming Big Mama songs but we hadn't seen the tender, quiet, still Chrislyn, but she passed with flying colours. Mathieson wants to know exactly how much she shat her pants when she found out that Cyndi would be mentoring the week that she'd chosen one of her songs. Chrislyn says "lots".
Teale Jakubenko gets busted by Cyndi for being too tight (dirty) and is made to warm up his body. Shaneequa (the experienced proper singing person in the room) nods and remarks that Cyndi is serving up GOLD in the advice arena. iTunes recently afforded my father the opportunity to KBD Status Quo's 1975 song (what? It's only five years out. They'd have let Bobby Flynn sing a 1975 song in the 1980's week) 'Down Down' - which seriously, when you hear it EIGHT TIMES A DAY feels like the longest song ever written, it just goes on and on and on. The Quo deserve better. Not that Teale is necessarily going to be that, but wouldn't you like to see Teale glam rock it up, just a bit? Maybe with a little eye makeup too. He needs to cut loose, move away from the Very Proper Singing that he does and get, dare I say it, DIRTY. It's also in his range too, it's not too middle register but it's also not high enough that he can try out his falsetto which I. Am. Over. He's chosen U2's 1987 snorefest 'Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For'. He pulls total Jesus Pose whilst at the microphone, urges the audience to "come on" and then saunters over to the backing singers. It's well sung but another unremarkable performance.
Cyndi thinks it was great and he sat in every note and it sounded like that guy he likes but not like him and what? Has Teale been telling La Lauper about his infatuation with Rick Price, because dude, no. To Kyle, it was a superstar performance and says it was a great voice for a great song. Dicko says it's the biggest improvement he's seen from week to week on this show and says the confidence in the performance was brilliant. Teale says it was time for him to step up. Was I watching the wrong channel or something? He was good but DULL. Marcia tells him to remember Cyndi's advice and says the best thing about his performance was that it was over too soon. Huh? Doesn't she mean, the worst thing about his performance was that it was over too soon? What are they cutting Marcia's stash with these days? G and Mathieson come out and G doesn't touch Teale at all. He is totally Spano's bitch.
Ohhhh, you guys! The Pretenders. 1980. 'Brass In Pocket'. Sophie Paterson. Huh??! Huh!! Because also, Sophie TOTALLY has that same vaguely whiny quality in her voice that Chrissie Hynde OWNS (it's the good kind of whiny, trust me) and they both have that lazy sensuality in their tone but honestly, 'Brass In Pocket', 'Back On The Chain Gang', 'Hymn To Her' - Sophie would knock any one of those songs out of the park. Get on that, Paterson! I like it a lot more than her doing The Eurythmics 1983 song (and man, their name is hard to spell without looking up) 'Sweet Dreams'. She's adorably nervous about being in the prescence of Cyndi, who immediately picks up on Sophie's penchant for going a little flat in the higher register. They wiggle their hips and warm up. Sophie comes out with a side fringe and high ponytail that TOTALLY makes her look like Hayley from Season Two. Shaneequa notes that in two eps she's shown more personality than Hayley did in her whole season and aren't we snarky tonight?? Sophie still goes flat in the same part she did with Cyndi but she's still not doing bad. Awww, she's rehearsed arm movements with the backup singers! I'm so lame, that's so what I would do if I was on this show so I can't pick on her at all for that. She finishes really really strongly and I'd say this is the best singing she's done thus far. Also, her enunciating is much better.
Kyle didn't think she'd have the oomph to get that song out and right but she proved him wrong. Dicko was also worried due to her previous pitch problems but there weren't any this week. He calls her a blonde bombshell but hates her Pussycat Dolls shoes, saying the stripper shoes are no good. Kyle points out they're more like tranny shoes and it's the perfect segue to Marcia! She's also really chuffed about the choreography with the backup singers. Cyndi brings it back to the shoes and tells her not to wear shoes she can't dance in and gives her some podiatry advice. Mathieson recommends Hush Puppies and flirts with Sophie a bit. A lot. He's jealous of G's relationship with Spanner.
The Messiah's workshop opens with him singing "can't start a fire without a spark" and that's great because I want him to sing Dad's favourite song of 1989, Billy Joel's 'We Didn't Start The Fire' and the lyrics are VERY similar, yes? It's not really a song you can sing and yes, this is punishment for the hats, Wes Carr. Oh fine, go ahead and do your Bruce Springsteen 1984 smash hit 'Dancing In The Dark' if you must. Cyndi recognises the glory of the coming of the lord and has very little advice to give the terribly talented and well put together musician that is Wes. Shaneequa wonders who is going to be Courtney Cox about a minute before G makes a similar joke. The Messiah is wearing another hat. Oy. He also has his guitar and that's two weeks in a row they've let him use an instrument. He has a rollicking good time and is just so very very good. Final two, I'm calling it. Wes and Mark. There, done. Last time I called a correct final two this early it was Irish and Jess. I'd love to be right again. It's very well sung in his extremely great style and he's ace. Love.
Dicko nods that it was yet another brilliant performance and forgot to judge and just kicked back and enjoyed it. Dicko loves him. Marcia tells him not to ever change a thing and he's a great performer. I'd change the hats. La Lauper wants to know if he felt good about it and says the next step is writing songs and she's in absolute love with him. We all are, Cyndi! Kyle talks about the "controversy" about someone with Wes' experience being allowed in the competition - and if we aren't bitching about them having no experience and no stagecraft, we're bitching about them having too much. Shut up journalists. Kyle says if he had to invest money in someone today, Wes would be it. I'd doubleteam him with Mark and release something and . . . man, everything I type today is dirty. G is a little touchy with Wes who is too busy flirting with Cyndi and her sparkling eyes to notice.
'Wiggle It' is AWFUL. But her CD single cover is SMOKING hot. Doesn't matter because she's NOT ON THE SHOW TONIGHT. Right?
As a family, we handily destroyed Mike And The Mechanics 1988 monster 'The Living Years'. We'd pump up the radio every time that bitch came on and you'd get a five part (dis)harmony to rival anything Queen did on 'Bohemian Rhapsody'. We didn't just kill that song, we knifed it in the gut, giving it a stomach wound that took about five months to fester and slowly bleed out. Death by FamilyBelle. It's not a good or humane way to go. Roshani Priddis needs to do a slower number. Something that showcases her softer range but also gives her the opp to belt out some angt ridden lyrics about death and missed opportunities. She'd make me cry, I'm telling you that right now, it's the song for her. Cyndi doesn't talk her out of Tina Turner's 1984 hit 'What's Love Got To Do With It', telling her instead to put her own stamp on it. Roshani's dress has shiny bits on it and kind of reminds me of Tina's outfit from Mad Max Thunderdome. She sings the everloving life out of this song and it actually fits my earlier brief, as she uses her lower range to begin with and then slowly moves to the belting. I'd still like to see some angst. She doesn't give this angst. It could use angst. I'm going to stop typing angst now.
Someone yells out that they love her and Marcia gets her best line of the night telling him he needs to take a number and sit down, because yeah, we all want a Roshani of our very own. Every home should have one! Marcia gets quite animated about how fantastic she thought it was, gushing a little bit. Cyndi thought she hit her points and worked through all the steps in the song and her arrangment built. She does point out that she needs to watch her pitch in the lower register and talks about her shoes as well. Kyle agrees with the ladies but thinks she sat a little too safe and could have smashed it from start to finish. Dicko agrees that there was some trepidation about her pitch and if she'd let go like she did last week it would have better. (Dicko "the stocks are rising for the banker from Sri Lanka". Australia: Groan.) Cyndi leaps to Roshani's defence arguing that she sat into the note, sang her guts out at the end and that she had to start off soft to have it build and whaddya want, a one note sally? Love. Her. G remembers Cyndi from Wrestlemania. Oh dear.
I remember in Season Four (Year of The Irish), this happened in the first episode of the Top Twelve; "I can’t stand Richard Marx. I spent 1989 loathing his album because my sister played it nonfuckingstop and it drove me batshit crazy. I had to say that so you would understand exactly how much I did not enjoy Joseph Gatehau’s rendition of 'Right Here Waiting'. " I still hate that song. My sister just, oh, that fucking CD. I can't hear ANYTHING from that CD without flashing back to not being able to GET AWAY FROM RICHARD MARX. But! This was Joseph's first and last performance on Idol so maybe, just maybe, lightening would strike twice. Thanh Bui could oversing 'Right Here Waiting' to his little boyband heart's content and then BAM. Gone. I'd willingly sit through that for those results. Wouldn't you? Instead we have to sit through Thanh's rendition of the stalkeriffic Police song 'Every Breath You Take'. He thinks its a love song. Oh. My. God. Research your songs people, you're supposed to be musicians, JESUS. Cyndi is vaguely horrified by this. I am horrified by the Young Talent Time, Callea-lite performance in front of me and have to You Tube when Robert Downey Jr was on Ally McBeal and arranged a surprise performance of this song for her birthday and sang a verse only to reveal at the chorus that Sting was there. If you can, go watch this. It will wash away the bad taste of Thanh's version, I promise. Robert Downey Jr makes EVERYTHING better at the moment. Him or Neil Patrick Harris. Or Jensen Ackles, man, I am ALL about Jensen at the moment, he's veering dangerously close to The Clooney territory. The Ackles. Doesn't really have the same ring to it, might have to work on that. I'll do that while I watch Season 3 of Supernatural - in between the giggling and swooning. And now I've completely forgotten all about Thanh. Thank you Jensen. Oh, alright. Judges. But it can't be good.
Cyndi nervously laughs, noting "it's hard for me because I've worked with him" and then scrunches her face up so much her eyes completely freaking disappear before she asks him if he was 'there'. He was. Man, he's SO oblivious. She says it was much better - jesus, than what? She thought it was great. Oh, I'm confused, how the FUCK was that great? Was Cyndi also looking at photos of Jensen Ackles? Did someone pop a laptop in front of her and play RDJ and Sting on Ally McBeal and now she's all confused? Is Marcia sharing her stash? Kyle compliments the band and Cyndi plays with his handkerchief (not dirty in the slightest). He thinks he threw off the fake boy band veneer. Well, I didn't see that at all. Then awesomely Cyndi starts talking about practically opening a vein when you perform to be human and pushes Kyle, saying he doesn't understand because he's not an artist, "you play records, you don't make them". Dicko calls Thanh a labour of love and says we're not quite there yet. He would have liked it slowed down, it was too cheesy and doesn't know what kind of artist he's going to be; he's not direct enough for pop, not sexy enough for RnB, not cool enough for new soul. Ditch him. Him first, then Dimples. Then we'll have a show. Marcia insists that he's a work in progress (Kyle says not him, and Marcia snerks at him that he's done, he's totally perfect, and that's TWO for Brown Sugar!) and she wants Thanh to drop the veneer. Mathieson and G come out to talk to Thanh who is lovely and accepting of any criticism. He's nice. But I don't like his singing. Sorry.
Bottom three . . . should be Dimples, Thanh and Teale. I have no IDEA who it actually will be. I'd LOVE to see Dimples or Thanh go. They're the weak spots. Spanner and The Messiah as safe as houses in a really safe place, right? Yeah. Looking forward to seeing La Lauper singing 'Time After Time' and one of the T's (Tom, Teale and Thanh) going home. Are you listening Australia??
Top three . . . Spanner, The Messiah and Brooke. With a little of Sophie and Luke thrown in.
TallulahBelle Out
**Okay, so technically, Songs my father, brother, sister, mother, myself and Kasey Chambers & Australian Rugby flogged to death, but that's just not as catchy, damnit.
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