Yeah? Well, you can take your Yuletide spirit and SHOVE IT.

Shut up tinsel. Shut up dancing Santa. Shut up parking at Chadstone Shopping Centre. (What's that, random lady in the blue Mitsubishi? You were there first? Actually, you weren't, that car in front of me was AND he had his indicator on indicating that he was taking that spot before you even turned down this aisle so don't you DARE honk your horn angrily at him and then yell at me when I tell you he was there first because darling? I DON'T CARE. I'm still desperately trying to find a spot for myself and have been for about 25 minutes and I just want to get into Bra's N Things and spend this voucher and it will take less time to do that than it has taken to park, so take your road rage and SHOVE IT.) Shut up carols piped into local Coles. Shut up stupid Christmas Card list. Shut up personal inability to cope with people humming and/or whistling Santa Claus Is Coming To Town. Shut UP overdrawn credit cards and definitely shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP measly $15.00 left until payday.

Christmas is cancelled. Do you hear me? CANCELLED. Bah, humbug. Unless someone finally gets me that George Clooney I've had my eye on and wanted for ages . . .

I also worry too much

If one of the signs that you're having a stroke is smelling toast where there is no toast, what does it mean when you smell raison toast where there is no raison toast?

Friends, schmends

So I did it. I took life by the horns, looked into the abyss, swallowed my pride, reached out and touched the face of . . . rejection. Yep. Rejection. Bruno turned me down, he ‘just wants to be friends’ and that’s okay. Really. No, it is, I promise. Because the deal was that I actually do something and tell him that I liked him, regardless of the outcome. It was almost more about me not letting life idly pass me by and taking a chance then it was about a potential boyfriend. That being said, it still sucks that the mutual three month Flirt-a-thon went nowhere.
The only problem with 'just being friends' is that I already have That Guy in my life, the guy that I liked for a really really really long time who only wanted to be friends, and its taken me almost four years to get to the stage where I actually do count him as a friend. Four long crazy tears on my pillow miserable freaking years. I don’t need another one of them - seriously I don't and my poor The Shoulders That I Cry On, I mean my friends, don't need me to have another one of them either.
So I said adios to Bruno. Sayonara dude.
And its for the best really, because I know me. If we meet up for a friendly coffee, I’ll read a ridiculous amount into every little thing he says, every glance will be dripping with meaning in my little crush addled mind and I’ll drive myself and everyone around me FUCKING INSANE. I’ll be like one of those little white yappy dogs, constantly chasing my own tail and getting nowhere and generally annoying the living SHIT out of people. So as much as I will miss him, he has been wiped from my mobile and email account, the better to not accidentally maybe just send him one tiny little email and if he replies well it totally must mean he misses me and is rethinking this whole friends thing, right?
No. There will be none of that.
What there will be is moving on-ness. Besides, I like to think that when Life gives you lemons, you should just squeeze some juice into that bitch’s eyes and when she’s on the ground yelping in citrus-y pain, kick Life in the ribs until she cries Uncle.
Heh heh.
Buh-bye Bruno. Next.