Monday, August 08, 2005

Much. Very very much.

We’re not really off to the most auspicious of starts, are we? How exactly do they have 150 people after the auditions? They put only EIGHT people through from my hometown Perth – in theory I don’t have a problem with this, the less semi-talented kids who have their spirits broken in Sydney, the better – but they still ended up with 150? Just watching some of those final NSW auditions Pattycakes and I were aghast. A-ghast. At least 75 of them won’t make it through the first day at the Seymour Centre, hell they won’t make it to the mid-morning BREAK. Why waste their time? Tell them at the get go, at that first audition “Yeah, you can sing, but you need training first – go find yourself a vocal coach, train for a year and we’ll see you in ‘06”. Its what should have been said to Cosima before she butchered her vocal cords and ruined her chances in Season One and it’s a variant on what should have been said to Emilia last year. (Actually what should have been said to Emilia is a hearty “sod off you talentless gormless git and for goodness sake, STOP CRYING”. And yes, I still hear Dicko’s voice saying these snarky things. Man, I miss Dicko.)
I see no Chanel’s this season, I see no Ngairre’s, no Courtney’s. Dude? I don’t even see a Callea – say what you will of his taste in music, his appalling Johnny Young Talent Time-isms and his unwillingness to alienate his teen-y fan base by owning up to the Gayness That Is Anthony ( . . . allegedly), the little man has a good and technically proficient voice.
And I get that they don’t want another Casey, another too young winner with an awesome voice but no immediately discernible marketability who probably won't sell a bazillion badly written first single(s) and that THAT’S why they didn’t let through MultiPierce Girl in Perth (whom I personally thought had one of the best voices I’d heard audition ever, let alone this season.) I understood, I waved Casey Mk II bye-bye and only allowed myself to be mildly outraged, consoling myself with the thought that they were doing what they thought was best for ‘the competition’. I do not accept however, that pleading your case to God in front of the apparently easily swayed Marcia (as long as your name doesn’t contain the following letters, L C N A H and E), whilst being in possession of an, at best, mediocre voice and then being allowed through (??!! GAH.) as being good for this competition. Nor is singing Jimmy Barnes style at the top of your lungs with not even a passing thought for my speakers. Nor giving it the old Ricki-Lee Shriekerama treatment and having no regard for any and all dogs in the immediate vicinity. And if you’re young and pretty and look fine in a dress but don’t really sing terribly well, then the line to Australia’s Next Top Model starts over there. Just follow the trail of Kyle’s drool. But this? Is a SINGING competition.
In short : Judges, you need to drop the dross, of which there is sooooo much so far and let us see some actual singing. Contestants, you need to step it up (and in some cases step it off a tall building.) Before we even hit the Seymour Centre last year I had favourites that I retained all season, like water – Chanel and Courtney, take a bow - but this year? So far, it is much with the meh. I’m hoping they’re hiding someone’s light under a bushel, otherwise it's PigGirl and Mullfawk Milly all the way for me.

(and yes, you DID see Jakey B the Rock Kid from XFactor in the final 150. Don't be scared, I'm almost positive he won't be around for very long . . .)

1 comment:

Shaneequa said...

...they are trying to make people believe their own hype - this year is even bigger than last year...well yes, if you let more people in the final 100 than 100 then that is technically true. Bah!
I am keeping an open mind (as much as that is humanly possible) until the show tonight...THEN I'll tear it to shreds...mu ha ha ha. Clearly they are trying to forget the whole Casey thing from last year (Casey who?!?!) and focus on getting a much more marketable 'performer' and not just a singer...that's why - and I've said it before people - this competition is a crock.