Welcome to the neighbourhood.

Dear new neighbours who just moved in across the road,

Welcome!! Its great to have some new blood in the street. The guy who lived there before you barely said 'boo' to anyone and it looks like you're about our age as well, so please accept all 'Leave It To Beaver'-style hello's and muffinbaskets that might be left on your doorstep.

This is a fairly close knit neighbourhood. We have some residents (some might call them nosy, I call them vigilant) who will make sure your house doesn't get broken into during the day while you're at work etc so it pays to make friends with the retirees who live to MY immediate right. To enable them to do their job properly, they will need to know a few details about you so be prepared to complete some substantially indepth questionaires. In the meantime, I just have a few pointers that might make everyone a little more, say we say . . . comfortable.

1. Please, by all means, have a housewarming the first weekend you move in. But probably best not to sit outside your front door until one in the morning drinking beer and chatting loudly about your ex-partners social habits.

2. Feel free to play your music as loud as you want during daylight hours, I also am quite fond of Toto's 'Africa'. I do however wish to point out that it has a really thumping bass line, and - although my bedroom is towards the back of our house - when you play it suddenly at two in the morning, it still resonates through the walls quite significantly.

3. Give it a couple of weeks before you mow the lawn - hell, we normally wait at least a month before we get around to it. Be aware though, that some of our neighbours will then feel beholden to stand on their own lawns looking towards yours and 'tut' quite loudly and frequently. At this point, avoid eye contact when getting in and out of your car.

4. Speaking of cars, it IS fun to rev the engine really loudly, isn't it? I don't know for sure, so excuse me if I appear ignorant when I ask - is that good for the car?

Anyhoo - lovely to have you move in, and next time I see you unloading a keg or a couple of cartons of beer or fireworks I'll be sure to pop over and say hello and introduce myself - and the local Member of Council who lives right next door to you - properly.

Cheers,
TallulahB
xx