Seymour Centre. Part, the first.

See the Idol Wannabe’s arrive in Sydney from all over the country and behave like completely normal people. Witness the complete lack of pratfalls, mugging for the camera and screaming. Marvel, as the judges actually critique them on their talent. Gasp, as everyone works together and gets plenty of rest. Be amazed when everyone learns their song overnight and have no trouble whatsoever learning the lyrics. Be completely taken aback as no-one shiny and suspiciously orange has a hissy fit ostensibly about his ‘professional reputation as a seasoned performer’ but that would appear to actually be more about his inability to cope with stress and no sleep and storm off in the most metrosexual huff I’ve ever seen. Watch the Idol Wannabe’s treated with respect, dignity and the slight sense of awe they deserve for putting themselves out there on national television for the chance to record an extremely well thought out, produced and not in any way rushed to the stores in time for Christmas CD, chock block of superbly written ballads and pop tune classics that will stay on the radio, get stuck in your head and be on permanent rotation on your Ipod for millennia to come. See pigs develop opposable thumbs, a sense of self, the ability to converse and learn complicated math, be accepted into flight school, pay off massive university fees and become pilots for Virgin, the first airline to break the porcine ceiling and adopt a Pigs Are People Too affirmative action policy.

We start the show with Voice Over Mathieson advising us the Top 100 is actually 127 and they need to cull 30 to get a Top 100. Hmmm, even I know that there’s something sketchy with that math . . . (I have a calculator in my phone). The first few groups are seriously underwhelming and pretty much all get sent home – one of the few who undeservedly makes it through is mother of four Melanie who to absolutely no-one who has seen this show’s surprise, is singled out by Marcia. I would roll my eyes but I don’t want to jump the gun. I suspect I’ll be getting a lot of eye rolling done this season. I need to stretch before I watch tomorrow nights show, warm them up.

Carrot Top Bobby sounds like he didn’t get enough sleep the previous night and isn’t quite as good as he’s previously been but James from Tassie belts out his song and although he sounds a little pitchy and breathless he is so damn enthusiastic and putting so much energy into it that his confidence overrides the underlying not greatness. Both get through to the next round but little funky fashionista from the Alice, Dylan goes home. Lavina Williams is working my last nerve when at the end of what sounds like a pretty damn good version (but not as good as this little girl) of And I’m Telling You (I’m Not Going), she mimics her sister by unhinging her jaw and caterwauling the last note for about an hour. Nadia is woefully unprepared to sing the song she only just chose and I’m sorry, but is deservedly smacked down by Holden and basically told to stop wasting everyone’s time. She joins the 58 other people who are told their Idol Journey is over. Whittling!! Whittling them down!! Whittling rocks!! More whittling!!

Group songs . . . ahh, separating the strong from the weak, the wheat from the chaff, the . . . the . . .yoghurt from the muesli . . . The boys get – U2’s Beautiful Day, Jackson 5’s I Want You Back and Elton John’s Tiny Dancer. The girls get – Blondie’s Call Me, Earth Wind and Fire’s September and The Bangles’ Eternal Flame. Oh and before I go any further, I love Chris Murphy. Just getting that out there now.

And then, the drama! The drama!! We spend about fifteen minutes on the Trials and Tribulations of shiny Anthony Callea lookalike Jorge, who has hit serious Killer Fatigue (TM Miss Alli from TWOP) mode already. J, who tells us he’s coming from a professional standpoint, has trouble learning the lines of the Jackson 5 number his group has chosen. So he’s a professional musician, but he doesn’t know one of the most famous Jackson 5 tracks enough that he can learn the lyrics properly in a couple of hours? Riiiiiiight. He then chooses to rant at his fellow contestants and behave like a six year old by declaring it to be all too hard for him. He then talks about himself in the third person before taking his bat and ball and leaving. Leaving! Because Jorge needs to stay true to Jorge! And apparently that involves completely screwing his group over by not telling them he’s leaving until the next morning. Teammates Ricky and Paul are understandably pissed and a little defiant and aggressive when they front before the judges. It throws them to the point where they sing like they didn’t practice at all and barely scrape through on what may be a trademark Marcia pity vote.

Girl group Jessica (of the Alice), Estelle and moptop Reigan are singing Eternal Flame about a key lower then they should be and their harmonies? Leave a lot to be desired. Luckily they’re not being judged on this particular performance and get through. This aspect of the show has never been more obvious (that is, the don’t worry if you’re shite today, you were awesome yesterday and besides the group singing doesn’t really count aspect) than with the next group of boys – our two older urban cowboys and a young genteleman whose name’s all escaped my trusty pen and notebook. Young guy remembers all the lyrics to Tiny Dancer and he sounds good. Older urban cowboys BOTH forget their lyrics and kind of shuffle along like they misplaced their zimmer frames. The cowboys get in because THIS PART DOESN’T COUNT. If it counted? We’d see more of the actual group singing. Little Miss Eddie/Missy 16 year old Lisa is shown smiling happily at the cameraman because she got through and did we hear her sing? No. We didn’t see so much as half of the contestants actually sing.

But we do see the final group of the day, the only official duo of the groups. It’s the aforementioned silver lining in the cloud of Idol that is Chris – brother of the CourtJester – Murphy. Chris and Dean Geyer sing U2’s Beautiful Day and hallelujah, it is. The two completely and totally ROCK their harmonies. They are flat out awesome and get the only standing ovation of the day (that we see). My only bugaboo is Chris needs a haircut. Like . . . now. Other than that? Love him. LOVE.

Tonight tune in for solo performances and the emotionally suspect, time wasting, blatant show filler face to face smackdowns between the judges and the contestants as they find out if they made it into the top 24.