Because the themes they choose are LAME.

Top Twelve kids! I've come home from a matinee performance in time to see the last three performers and to query with Fosse why the judges are talking in Kyle/Dicko/Marcia order and he doesn't know, he's just excited beyond BELIEF that there's no Holden because that means that he doesn't have to listen to me SCREECHING at the television screen anymore. And then Kyle gives Chrislyn a motherfucking Touchdown and Fosse has to listen to me screeching at the television because I WAS PROMISED NO TOUCHDOWNS THIS SEASON. Egregious and flagrant disregard of the rules, Sandilands, that's at least a yellow card. Fosse sighs and chugs back some antacid. It's how he knows Idol has truly started, when his ulcer kicks in and the vein at his temple starts throbbing.


The boys look HOT. Coulter continues to try and make the show All About Her, all "ohmigod, you guys, do you totally remember when I was on the show because I do and I remember when I came out and I was so excited I was crying and Marcia had to mother hen me" and really, Fosse, you better stock up on the antacid because Holden may be gone but whatserface is going to be screeched at fairly regularly. I'm required to tell him when that type of thing is going to happen, kind of like the Government Warning on packs of cigarettes, only I don't cause peripheral vascular disease or clog your ateries. I think.

Tonights Idol Theme is L A M E. Idol's Idols? Really? Why don't you just call it Contestants Choice . . . again . . . and be done with it? Well, I've been prepared for this, kids - and in the last month I've been putting together some themes that I think just might be a little more interesting. To me, at least. So tonight we're opening with Songs From TV Shows That TallulahBelle Really Likes. It's a niche theme.

For Wes Carr, I would have chosen Paul McCartney's 'Baby, I'm Amazed' which featured in the episode of The Simpsons; 'Lisa The Vegetarian' - remember the flying pig? "It's still good, it's still good!" Oh, Homer. It's a great song and requires a good mid and higher range. I think The Messiah would have knocked it out of the park. But his own choice of U2's 'Beautiful Day' is good, although his choice of headgear is not - seriously, do we need to instigate a Hat Watch on this kid? Didn't we have enough of this with the Daniel Mehsdud Scarf Watch last season? There are at least three different hats in his intro package (FYI - awesome parents, again, just once I'd like to see an Idol with mean parents, parents who throw things at them or deride their talent - all "oh yes, he always said he'd be a singer but I've heard him in the shower, he can't sing for shit, he's wasting his time so get the fuck out of my living room and take his ABBA CD collection and block mounted Village People poster with you") and then he's wearing an entirely new hat whilst he performs. Fosse dubs him The Cat In The Hat and I think the guys at TWoP already came up with that one. I'm sticking with The Messiah. He starts off at the baby grand in the middle of the stage and unless he's going to get up on top of that sucker - and I don't see The Gauc's stairs beside it - or play the whole song at the piano, it's unnecessary - and let's not waste the stagehand's time by making them drag a piano on and off stage, shall we? When he jumps up and makes his way to the front of the stage, he bobs and reaches out beseechingly to the audience in very much the manner of Bono. It's a bit twitchy but sung quite well and nicely arranged. He should still seriously think about singing 'Baby, I'm Amazed', I think it would suit him perfectly.

Dicko calls it a terrific start to the night, loves his intensity and voice but gets right to the heart of the matter and calls him out on the piano. Wes wanted to show his diversity and challenge himself. By playing a tenth of the song? Meh. That doesn't sit entirely well with me. Play it all or don't do it, all or nothing Messiah! Dicko tells him not to peak too soon and calls the piano gratuitous and tryhard - amen, brother Dicko! Marcia babbles about it being his birthday and something about tempo and the crowd loves that and I'm just too concerned about her hair. Is it on straight or is it just riding too low across her forehead? And her hair has been so good this season up to this point. Kyle asks if he's going to be the Hat Dude and if we're going to see him without a hat and it's about time someone asked Wes this critical and important question, because really, if it wasn't for the flowing jesus locks, would we even know if he had hair at all? Not that that's relevant to his ability to be Aus Idol, but still. These things are important. From a judging point of view, Kyle calls it a cracking start. Wes fiddles with his ear piece when the boys come over to chat to him - unfortunately this is not a euphemism for anything. G's hair is looking especially darling tonight.

Tom Williamson is sweet but I just can't stand to listen to his version of Aerosmith's 'Don't Want To Miss A Thing'. It's just a little . . . school assembly. It's badly off kilter and he seriously misjudges some of the notes, missing them entirely. One of my favourite episodes of The West Wing is 'Noel' from Season Two, it's the Christmas episode and Yo Yo Ma performs Bach's Cello Suite in G Major in the foyer. It's a beautiful piece of music and the best thing about it? There are no words. So let's all pretend that Dimples 'sang' Bach's Cello Suite in G Major and give him this one to grow on. Hopefully by next week - because you know the tweenies and their prepaid mobiles ain't letting him go anywhere - his voice will have broken properly.

Mother Marcia tells him she's going to call him Thomas - only if he can call you Brown Sugar, Marcia, fair's fair. She notes that the idiot tweens who loved Matt Corby last year are back - again - and that this year his poster will adorn their walls. You know, when I was young, I put Neil Finn and David Bowie on my walls. Aim HIGHER, young girls. She tells him to watch his pitch and . . . yeah, he should totally do that. Kyle makes an Armageddon joke, calls Dimples cute as a button and tells him not to aim too high but is pleased he's there. Of course you're pleased, this kid is likely to bring in a TON of cash from the tween voting bloc. It makes the world go 'round, you know. Dicko tells him the big monster ballads don't always suit his voice and then dogs the top he's wearing. It's the kind of thing that would have looked ACE on Moppet last season but which makes Tom look like a cross between the lead singer from Panic! At The Disco (which may have been his aim) and Gonzo from The Muppets (which I'm guessing wouldn't have been. If he's even heard of The Muppets. Is that possible? Do kids these days not know The Muppets? A few weeks ago a contestant on Project Runway US didn't get a Sergeant Pepper's reference that Tim Gunn made. It saddened me greatly.)

I feel like we're going to hear every week that teeeny tiny Roshani Priddis is adopted so she gets the theme song from Roswell by Dido, 'Here With Me', because the three main characters were alien-human hybrid toddlers and they were adopted by standard human people and I had the BIGGEST crush on Brendan Fehr in this show. And also Majandra Delfino a little. But not Shiri Appleby. It drove me nuts the way she couldn't say 'thing' and it always came out as 'think'. Hate that. Anyway, love the theme song, love Dido and those of us who were Roswell fans (read; freaks who stayed up until stupid hours of the night to watch episodes because Australian tv hates science fiction, even when said scifi is hidden inside what ended up being a strange pastiche of Sweet Valley High and Sailor Moon) found out who Dido was LONG before Eminem catapulted her to fame and continuous play on easy listening radio stations. Plus I think Roshani would rock the HELL out of this song. Instead she's singing Joss Stone's 'Tell Me About It' . . . which . . . yeah, that might work. Roshani gets her very cute arse over to the backup singers and grooves with them (and I like that the bv's are out in front of the band like that this season) and she's right, this is a much better choice of song for her. I'm steadfastly avoiding referring to her as a pocket rocket but I really REALLY want to. She's adorable. And wee. Her singing is pretty darn good.

Marcia congratulates her on creating magic and looking dynamite. Kyle likes her look as well but wants to know why she chose an obscure Joss Stone number - and really Kyle, you make me so sad. I could almost just find a post from last year and copy and paste this argument; if you give them the option of - what is essentially - Contestant Choice, you can NOT then pick on the song they CHOOSE to do. You have abdicated all opportunity to bitch if you have not given them a specific theme to go from. Shut it, Kyle. He still thinks it was perfect. Dicko tells her she's really beginning to motor and that it was a terrific, confident performance and perfect song choice and then calls her sexual chocolate again. She barely reaches Mathieson's shoulder as he flirtingly plays with her ear piece. Still not a euphimism. Although Mathieson could play with my ear piece ANY day.

Teale Jakubenko's parents do not throw rotten fruit at him as he plays guitar and sings at some local eatery. No, they are in fact - again - quite awesome. But I'm deducting points from their parental awesomeness for allowing their son to think that performing Rick Price's 'Walk Away Renee' would be a good idea. This is a boring boring BORING song and Teale, if I have to tell you every frigging week that your higher range is not as good as you think it is, I'm going to get bored very very quickly. So you get the first of two songs featured on Scrubs, The Fray's 'How To Save A Life' which was in the episode 'My Lunch' when Dr Cox loses three patients all at the one time because the organs they get were 'bad' and I'm just going to go and youtube that part of the ep while you finish up singing, okay? Let me know when he's done.

Kyle was worried he was going to trip up on the higher notes but thought he sailed through it. Eh, we disagree on that but I've been spoiled by my love of the Irish Falsetto. Dicko calls it odd song choice (*nods*) and says he's grown already with his singing but thinks he still needs confidence. Marica's worked with Rick Price and his falsetto and thinks Teale did them proud. G and Mathieson do not flirt with Teale in the slightest and are actually a tad standoffish with him. There's no touching to be seen. Huh. Mathieson is usually very touchy. Maybe whatserface Coulter called dibs on Teale.

Sidebar; does it feel like Wall-e's been 'coming to a cinema near you soon' forEVER?

One of my favourite Buffy The Vampire Slayer episodes is Season Six's 'Tabula Rasa', when Willow puts a spell on Buffy and Tara to make them forget that they were a) pulled out of heaven in a misguided attempt by their friends to save them from a demon dimension and b) leaving Willow because she's using too much magic (respectively), but it accidentally makes them ALL forget (leading Anya and Giles to think they're engaged. There's a kiss. And lots and lots of bunnies!) and nearly gets them killed by a loanshark (hilariously? Really a shark headed creature - oh, those kids at Mutant Enemy, brilliant) who Spike owes some kittens to. It all makes sense in the Buffyverse, I promise. Anyway, Tara leaves Willow for proper and good at the end of the episode and Michelle Branch plays 'Goodbye To You' at The Bronze over the sequence of packing and leaving and Willow crying in the bathroom (and Buffy kissing Spike) that follows. It's heartbreakingly sad and brilliantly acted by Alyson Hannigan (who really should have won at least a Golden Globe for Season Six. Stupid Foreign Press) and is a great song. I think Sophie Paterson and her strange enunciation would suit that song down to a tee. Instead she's doing Counting Crows 'Me and Mr Jones'. Meh. If she's going to do a song from August And Everything After she should have gone with 'Round Here'. It sounds good and is a nice enough arrangement but she kind of meanders around the stage a bit. I'm disappointed. How are the judges?

Dicko thinks slow, sexy and moody is more her kind of song and see! 'Round Here' or 'Goodbye To You' would have been PERFECT. Let me choose their songs, Dicko! I can do it, I CAN!! He tells her that her teeth get in the way of her vocal dexterity and that her enunciation can be a little slovenly and for real, Dicko just said 'vocal dexterity' and 'slovenly'. Fuck, I ADORE him. *pins her Dicko Appreciation Fan Club President button to her pjs* Marcia tells her that if that's how she sings then she needs to find 'clearer articulation'. Dicko's rubbing off on her! Not like that, ewwwww. Marcia hates what she's wearing. Really hates it. Kyle actually likes what she's wearing and compliments her body and asks if she used to be a redhead and as someone who is currently a redhead and who is FRIGGING LOVING IT, I say shut up Kyle, 'rangas rule! G very studiously does not lay a hand on the hot blonde standing next to him - you can almost see him mentally reminding himself he's married now . . .

I think Luke Dicken's naturally gravelly voice would actually really suit Alabama3's song (and the theme to The Soprano's) 'Woke Up This Morning'. It's deep, it's violent sounding, it's strangely sexy, it's the kind of song that might creep up on you in a darkened alley and mug you whilst whispering husky sweet nothings in your ear. Then you'd turn around and see it's bizarre facial hair and give it all your money to go away. It's better than hearing Luke's Joe Cocker impersonation again as he sings 'Feeling Alright', even if it is a very good impersonation. I still strangely like Luke's voice. I am all astonishment he got Wildcarded through but here he is and he is not even close to being bad. Or even mediocre. He's actually quite good and looks only slightly uncomfortable on stage. I don't know 100% where I stand on him. He's got me all confused and dumsquizzled. I'm totally Statler and Waldorfing on him. I start off hating him but by the end of the song he has me liking him. Damn him!

Marcia loved that he was up there moving and says he did the 'white boy thing'. Which means he puts his top row of teeth over his bottom lip and shuffles gracelessly in an out of time boxed two step, yeah? Marcia loves that he's taking this all so seriously - and his earnestness does seem very sincere. Kyle says that was the best he's seen him and gives him ten out of ten. Dicko tells him he's getting better and better and loves the song choice but wants the facial hair GONE. Luke doesn't know how to respond to the Mathieson patented flirt. I do! Flirt with me Mathieson!

If Brooke Addamo wants to be Queen of the Ballads, then she should sing Sarah McLachlan's 'Full of Grace', which appeared in the penultimate episode of Due South 'Call Of The Wild Part I' when Ray V (the real Ray) gets shot. I cried. He ends up being okay, but it's just so sad because Ray's been gone for like two whole seasons (he had to go deep undercover with the Mob, so Fraser got another partner who pretended to be Ray but he wasn't Ray and I called him Not!Ray the whole time he was on., even though he was WAY sexier than Actual!Ray, but I was totally in love with Benny - oh, Paul Gross, where ARE you? Then Not!Ray actor Callum Keith Rennie turned up on Battlestar Galactica as Cylon Leoben Conoy and I totally fell in love with him and forgave him for being Not!Ray. I'm easy that way) and then the episode he gets back, he gets shot?! And they play Sarah McLachlan over the top as it happens and he gets taken to hospital? Holy crap, is he going to die???? (Again, he was okay. But I was concerned for a while there, I must tell you.) 'Full of Grace' is a GREAT song and not overused the way some other Sarah songs are and is therefore totally acceptable. Not that a bit of Natasha Bedingfield doesn't rock completely and 'These Words' is a great song. Also Brooke? Your mother is A FOX. She's gorgeous - those are some good genes to have, nice. She doesn't sing this as 'perfectly' as she could but DAMN she's just joyous up there - it's like having Jess Mauboy back, an explosion of joy and cute and fine singing on stage. Yay for her!

Kyle says maybe she should have sung a ballad and then gets cranky when the audience tells him to fuck off. He talks about the difficulty of the song (it is a tough one, the key fluctuates all over the place, but she did okay with that). Dicko was thrilled with it and thought she did a great job and wants to see her carry on with some more up tempo stuff and calls it a joyous performance - I thump Fosse on the arm and crow about how I just said that, didn't I just say that, Dicko and I are on the same wavelength!! He rolls his eyes - he's going to strain something, I'm telling you. Marcia gives props to the pretty that is MamaBrooke and then says she thinks Brooke did that very well. Brooke has G standing next to her and does not throw herself into his arms. Huh. Maybe his wife is backstage with a very big baseball bat and her angry face on. I bet she shows up to every show with a lifesize Andrew G cardboard cutout and gives a 'no touch-y' demonstration to the Idol's, complete with hospital insurance forms (any and all accidental groping will lead to grevious bodily harm. It's what I would do if G was my husband. Gotta protect the merchandise and he's too pretty to be let out on his own. I mean, yeah, he's totally got that thing with Mathieson but that's okay, it's Mathieson. You can't separate those two, it would be cruel.)

Whilst I don't like Thanh Bui's style of singing, his parents win Best Parents of the night, mostly for Thanh's impersonation of them doing karaoke at two in the morning, which is hilarious. The second Scrubs song of the night is Colin Hay's 'Overkill' from the episode 'My Overkill' and basically Colin took one of his songs from his time with Men At Work and turned into this gorgeous acoustic number, stripped it down, made it simple and beautiful and about the lyric and the melody. That's what I want to see Thanh do. Instead of oversinging Maroon 5's 'This Love' in the painful manner he does - thank GOD this song doesn't feature too much of Adam Levine's hot hot HOT falsetto - and boybanding it all over the stage. I shake my head and call him The New And Not So Improved Callea and Fosse can't answer because he's frontal lobe deep in the middle of a post traumatic stress disorder flashback to Disco Night and Callea singing 'Car Wash'. I slap him a few times and fetch him a Xanax, a paper bag, tell him to put his head between his knees and remind him that he didn't hate Callea in Wicked when he saw it this weekend so TNaNSICallea may not be the end of the world and he can leave the room next time he sings if he's still around and he needs to breathe because that purple colour can't be good and should I be able to see those veins??

Kyle says that for such a fine singer that was like something out of an Adam Sandler comedy and then mixes up his annoying American comedians by calling it the Idol version of Blue Steel, which dude, that's not Sandler, that's Stiller, god. He says the arrangement was dodge and that his skipping around stage was poxy and says he's better than that. Dicko didn't like it either and says he needs to keep it simple, it was tripped up and overcomplicated for no benefit and didn't work. Strip it back, dude. Someone lend him Season Two of Scrubs on DVD and tell him to pay particular attention to the first episode. Thanh tries to explain and Marcia immediately gets all 'no apologies, dude' on him. She says he has an amazing voice and he needs to pull it out and show it. He's lovely and he's trying so very hard. Keep it simple, Thanh, that's my advice.

Following is a spoiler for the last episode of Quantum Leap, avoid if you haven't seen it and want to. Although, dude, that episode is like fifteen years old now, so how far behind are you? Have you seen the finale of Mork and Mindy yet? What about M*A*S*H? PS Hawkeye goes home, sorry if that ruins it for you.

One of my all time favourite songs is 'Georgia' by Ray Charles, which appeared in a couple of different episodes of Quantum Leap (it was Al and Beth's song) but which I remember most from the series final 'Mirror Image' when Dr Sam Beckett (oh, Scott Bakula, how I loved thee. Even your robotic work on Star Trek:Enterprise can not ruin that, especially as you do get topless in a significant amount of episodes, and you know, I always LOVED your back . . . ) leaps to save Al and Beth's marriage and consequently continues leaping forEVER and never makes it home. God. That episode just about killed me. When they flash up the end title card that says Sam never returned home? They showed that episode at midnight here and I cried so much and so loudly I woke my dad up. Shut up. It's a great episode from a great show and is a fantastic song and when I asked Fosse how awesome he thought Madam Parker would sound singing 'Georgia', he almost cried with happiness (but that may have been more about the fact that Thanh Bui wasn't onscreen anymore, come to think of it). She should put that aside for future consideration as her performance of Neo's 'Closer' is pretty damn fine. She prowls around the stage (and both Fosse and I think she looks HOT, we love her hair all curled like that) and she sounds great. Shaneequa is still getting too much of an EmilyTheColdlyAnointedOne vibe but I've totally moved past that with Madam. Although her name still makes me go all Best Little Whorehouse In Texas but I figure that's my problem, not hers.

The judges applaud madly and the crowd goes frigging nuts. Dicko says she won't talk to him backstage and he knows why now, she's doing all her talking on stage. He loves that she commits physically to her songs as well and thinks she's 'gold'. Marcia knows Madam's 'peeps' are proud of her and says fantastic a couple of times. I think she liked it. Kyle tries to fake us out that he didn't like it, but we already saw you applauding. Knob. Mathieson tells her she smashed it out of the park. I think he totally has a crush on her! Awwwww.

Jonny Taylor has me in a quandry. I have two songs left that would suit male contestants and unfortunately one of them HAS to go to Mark Spano which means that the other one has to go to Jonny but I don't think it will work for him. Season Two of the new Doctor Who has a very funny episode called 'Love And Monsters' in which a group of people hunting for information on The Doctor instead end up forming a sort of ELO tribute band - honestly, you have to see it to truly get how brilliant it is - and Elton, the narrator of the episode, jumps around his bedroom to ELO's 'Mr Blue Sky'. It's just such a bizarre thing to crop up in a DW ep and I guess Jonny is a bizarre contestant to crop up in Aus Idol, so that kind of works . . . he'd put a nice gothic spin on the lyrics, wouldn't he - "but soon comes Mr Night, creeping over, now his hand is on your shoulder". Ooh, I just gave myself the willies. It would have to be better than Pearl Jam's 'Better Man', which caused me to text Red and Shaneequa to query if either of them knew that Eddie Vedder was a contestant on Idol this season because man, he sounds like Vedder, only with less reverb. And he just looks so freaking nervous and he does not have the slightest clue what to do on stage. Oh, I wish they would let him do his own songs each week. But I don't know if that's going to be a problem for very long, I'd lay odds that he might be first to go . . .

Marcia can see the relief on his face that it's over. She tells him he needs to learn to work his nerves and not let them work him. Kyle totally enjoyed that but couldn't get over the string section 'cutting loose' to Pearl Jam and Jonny's enunciating of 'can't'. Really? You didn't have an issue with the flatness of his singing, his complete lack of stagecraft and obvious square pegness? If Jonny makes it past tomorrow night, his nickname is totally SquarePeg. Dicko had the great fortune of working with Pearl Jam and pause the tape! It's our first Dicko Name Drop of the season! Fosse and I applaud loudly and nod approvingly. He's very attached to the band and Eddie in particular and screams that song out in his car two or three times a week and whilst he knows he ain't as tuneful as Jonny (oh, I wouldn't know about that Dicko) it's just such an outburst - which Pearl Jam songs are and Jonny needs to use his intensity to get that across. Jonny mentions being naked up on stage and G smirks about being on the wrong show - and yes, if there's a show we can get G on where he will be naked, I am ALL for that. I'll just need to avoid his wife and her big bat of Don't Look Or Touch The G.

Thank JESUS there are only two left. God. Why are they allowing whatserface Coulter to interview the contestants and maintain control over the microphone? It means the contestants can't talk unless she lets them and she ain't letting them . . .

Okay so Brandi Carlile's 'The Story' didn't actually appear in an episode of Grey's Anatomy, they showed it at the end of an episode (or possibly the start, I don't remember) with a special video clip of as a kind of 'previously on'. Anyway, the song was so outstandingly awesome that I bought the CD without hearing another song on the damn thing. I've done that before; see the theme music to Angel and Darling Violetta's entire back catalogue. Then see my CD collection. Thank god for iTunes and being able to get just one song now instead of forking out for the whole CD and eleven other songs that may not be as good. Anyway, great song, GREAT vocal range and strength required and little miss Chrislyn Hamilton could probably belt it out standing on her head. It's a gorgeous ballad and the best bit? It isn't Aretha Franklin. I get that she's all about the big belty numbers and that this week is Idol's Idols but it's time to move on from Aretha. Although her performance of Dame Franklin's 'Think' is pretty freaking ace. It's peppy, it's rocking, it's BIG and it will keep her in the competition. I still want to see her get subtle a little. Shaneequa texts that she's got a good voice but she's too screechy. I'd actually pay that on a second viewing.

She gets a standing ovation from most of the crowd and two of the three judges. Dicko sits down and attempts to quiet the crowd. He says that there have been queries about the age limit being set at 18 and that she's just answered that . . . and . . . whilst yes, she is very good for her age, Dicko may I remind you of Tom's performance? He is a PRIME example of 16 being too young. And it's not like she would be less good if she waited a whole 'nother freaking year to audition, so shush and talk about her singing. On a more serious note, he does tell her that she needs to get fitter because she's out of breath from the very fast song and the jumpin' around the stage. Marcia thinks she is absolutely brilliant. Girlfriend. Kyle earns my absolute wrath and gives her a touchdown. Alright, firstly, no. And secondly, NO. Do NOT do that again Sandilands, I fucking mean it. Mathieson notes that Holden's lawyers are on the phone. As are mine, Sandilands. Cease and motherfucking desist, dude.

I'm in love with Mark Spano. There, I said it. I like him more than I like The Messiah. He's totally laid back in front of the camera when he's being interviewed by whatserface, he misses his cats and he's got the BIGGEST freaking neck I've seen that isn't on a rugby field. As my latest love, I'm giving him a song I associate with my other latest love, Dean Winchester and his love, his Chevy Impala. In the pilot of Supernatural, Dean yanks his little brother Sam out of college and they go a'hunting for Papa Winchester who has been missing for a spell. Cut to the open road, a cresting hill and a gorgeous black beast better known as the Metallicar, who rolls on to the screen to the fantastic opening guitar riff of AC/DC's 'Back In Black'. Cue screaming vocals and re-initiate love affair with AC/DC. It's so incredibly sexy, I can't even tell you. I was watching this on Fosse's little portable DVD player when I was flying home to Perth for a visit and I rewatched that scene three times on the plane and then played it on Mum and Dad's big ass cinema sized tv the next day to really let it sink in. Plus; Jensen Ackles + big ass cinema sized tv = freckle-y hot goodness. (I just giggled inanely. I am SO besotted with that man.) God. I was never really a fan of INXS, but like the Metallicar makes me love AC/DC, Mark Spano and his rendition of 'Never Tear Us Apart' works every girly bit I have. I text Red and Shaneequa to let them know that I just had sex with Mark Spano. Sweet jesus. It is one very hot, very well sung number and a brilliant end to a not bad show. Except for you Tom. And Thanh. And Jonny. Sorry guys.

Marcia says one of the most important things for a performer to do is walk out on stage with purpose and 'baby, you got that'. Hey! Hands off, Brown Sugar. Really well done and she tells him he just really knows what to sing - and yeah, his song choice has been pretty damn good, even when it's not a song I like, he freaking nails it to the wall. Mark fiddles with the ear piece that he yanked out halfway through his song and seriously, is there something going on with them because so many of the contestants have been playing with the damn things. Somebody get on that, will you? Thanks. Kyle wanted it to keep going and yeah, he could have totally kept singing. Dicko says it was masculine, sexy and dangerous and it is NICE to have a male performer who is just so very male. He's a total rock star. Man. (Sorry Messiah. Don't wear a hat next week and we'll talk about popping you back into the top slot.)

Bottom three should be all boys - Jonny, Tom, Thanh. Maybe Teale. But don't be hugely surprised to see Roshani or maybe Brooke in there - not that they should, but they didn't have as memorable performances as the other girls did. Shut UP Ricki Lee. God, she KEEPS talking, please SHUT UP. Fired, so fired. New Monday night format means there may be fathoms less filler, which can only be good, right? See you then . . .


TallulahBelle out.