If only he was a method actor . . .

Ah Idol, please distract me from the shite state of the world. Bombings in Bali, broken homes and Joss Whedon making me want to spank him. Give me judges to yell at, contestants to pity, Andrew G to flirt with and John Foreman waving a baton in the background of every performance that I may again wonder at the wisdom of the tv gods that he and the Duffy sisters haven’t been given their own variety hour already. Australia, I give you your new Logies hosts . . . wouldn’t that be awesome. Sigh.

Contestants Choice this early in the piece affords a rare and wonderful opportunity for the AI finalists who are left to demonstrate to us what kind of album we can expect from them. For me, it is a gauge of exactly how many more Australian artists my beleaguered credit cards will have to support and I am happy to report that I’m going to have a LOT more disposable income next year . . . put your ear to the computer screen, can you hear the wailing and moaning and gnashing of teeth? That’s my credit card trying to eat itself in despair. No Constant Craving, no God Only Knows, no great George songs . . . hey Mark?? Still think this is a better Top Twelve than last year? Mark? Mark?? Sorry, he’s off getting some ACTING LESSONS. Seriously, if anyone bought that whole “I’ve had it, I’m out of here, you’re all crap” bullshit that Holden pulled last night, then I have a bridge to sell you . . .

(On a happier note for the Australian music industry and my banks profit margin, the Chanel Cole/Daniel Belle/Statler and Waldorf meshing of minds and talent – the ‘Spook’ project - have their first CD in the stores from October 10 – although eager beavers can find it at HMV a week early. Or yesterday. Chadstone only have two left. Wheeeeeeeeee . . . go. Now! Faster pussycat, kill kill! I already have my copy and, as you would expect I think its pretty freaking awesome and recommend everyone buy it and make Chanel and Daniel rich beyond their wildest dreams . . .)

I heart Kate. With every fibre of my being. Shheeeeeeee’s baaaaaaaaack. Rebounding back from the lacklustre-ness that was Kate Doing Queen, Kate takes a pass from Anastacia, Harlem Globe Trotter’s her way down the court and slamDUNKS the ball, shattering the backboard and scoring two much needed points for Team Kate. Kate’s lower register is still a little weak sometimes but she has an infectious vibrancy and a glow that translates ridiculously well onscreen. I still find it hard to believe that this girl is only nineteen, because her professionalism and maturity outstrips most of the other contestants. Kate has officially taken up the title of TallulahBelle’s Favourite Idol This Year. Go Team Kate!

When FIHJ walked on screen, Eupholoofoo commented that he looked like he was representing Greece at Eurovision. This comment unfortunately necessitated me having to actually look at FIHJ, something I don’t like doing while he’s singing, so that I could gauge the true awesomeness of that remark. Also. Is FIHJ having a seizure on stage? Oh, he's dancing . . . really? Bad dancing instructor man. FIHJ is not having fun anymore. He is really and truly not. He looks unhappy and sounds pitchy, and only one of those things is new. I still think FIHJ can sing, but he is getting worse each week. Bottom three for the third week in a row might spell the end for P-Giddy’s boy.

This years Idol representation at Carols by Candlelight will be handled by Roxane, please consider last nights performance as her audition. Sigh. This is an incredibly difficult song to sing but I think she did it. However, like Cosima and RickyLee before her, I may admire and like the chipmunks vocal cords but I would never be caught dead buying anything she ever releases. I love you Roxy but my CD collection is Cosima and RL free . . .

Sidebar : Euph brought dessert to dinner and Bakers Delight make the best choc-chip scone you could ever hope to buy, pop in the oven for ten minutes and devour greedily: or, as PurpleGracieGirl outstandingly noted “Love the scone you’re with” . . .

Begin rant : You know what KILLS me about Lee? That he’s just the most fun performer they’ve ever had on this show (inc the CourtJester who comes a really really close second) but that he blithely waved away the importance of this particular Greenday song. Lee, I love you but you are now dead to me. Since September11 Greenday haven’t released a damn thing that doesn’t have a very clear cut angry political diatribe feel about it. They really really REALLY don’t like Bush, his politics, his war or his dog. Holiday especially is a very angry song. This was Contestants Choice Lee. Show us what you’re made of Lee. And Lee? Don’t ever DARE sing this song again unless you understand WHY. Kudo’s to Mark Holden for the only sensible comment we got from you all night, Shut Up Marcia for changing your tune ONCE AGAIN and insisting you can sing whatever you feel like without ‘feeling the lyrics’ and GO TO THE FIERY DEPTHS OF HELL Kyle Sandilands for admitting you will play whatever the fuck you’re handed at your pansy ass radio station without giving a skerrit of thought to what it might be about : end rant.

Emily The Cold. Week after week she sings well but leaves me sitting at home needing to put on the heater and some warm socks. The only reaction this performance got from me was a little more hate for the vocal gymnastics. Nothing new.

White boys can’t dance and DanS? You are white. I know a lot of people didn’t like this at all and that he’s probably going to be bottom three again, but I got all girly whilst he was doing this. If you get to see the replay look for the vein down the left hand side of his neck . . . yummy . . . sorry, where was I? Oh, the singing. Yeah. Mediocre okayness. Better than Millsy two years ago but not great enough to get him to Top Five. But the hotness . . . I need to take a cold shower.

Milly? That was really awful. You didn’t rise above the band, you didn’t come close to hitting a LOT of those notes and . . . . look, you were just baaad. Euph’s eagle eye pointed out that they didn’t cut to the audience ONCE while Milly was performing, although we could see them in the side shots and they were pretty much just sitting there. Not clapping, not singing . . . it was like Night of the Milly Killed the Audience. And Milly? When all three judges diss you, you are in trouble (right, Laura Gissaro??)

Has DreadyDan been sitting next to Emily on the bus on the way to perform? He was . . . bland. He sings so well, he really truly does, but I wanted him to sing this an octave lower. DD has gone from looking super comfortable on stage and kicking ass with some absolutely hideous song choices, to looking like he’s performing at the wedding of someone he’s vaguely fond of.

Drew Barrymore? If Cameron Diaz doesn’t want to do the third Charlie’s Angels film, we may have a replacement for you. GIRLfriend. Anne, that was slammin’. My second favourite performance of the night. She staged it well – it’s a Destiny’s Child song, you can’t do it like an ordinary song, it has to have some theatrics about it – and she sang it well – although I would have loved her to go completely batshit on some of those notes at the end, not vocal gymnastics but crazy ass high like RickiLee did last year with the Beyonce song that changed my mind about her for a whole show and a half. I like it when the horn blows, hunh! In the Battle of Anne and Emily to be the New and Improved Paulini, Anne is far and away the superior clone.

Top Three : Kate, Anne and probably a (grudgingly admitted, but I’m not very happy about it) tie between Emily/Lee
Bottom Three : DanS, Milly and FIHJ. Either of those three could go and I couldn’t care less, but Milly wins the coin toss this week and has been tipped to go. Which means she’s safe.
Stupid fickle Australian public . . .