King Kong is three hours long. Sorry, its over three hours long. Seriously. No, seriously, it is. It is 187 minutes. Does Peter Jackson not own a watch or have ANY concept of time - and the bladder and its tendency to make you want to, you know, PEE at the two and a half hour mark - at all? And also? Movie about an ape. Starring Naomi Watts. Three hours of Naomi Watts. Look, I like her a lot more than I like her sharper, less talented twin Nicole Kidman - and no I don't know why she has an Academy Award but I suspect it was some kind of payoff for being married to That Scientologist* - but still. (Nicole and Naomi apparently both went to the same school of Open Mouthed Acting. Watch The Ring and The Others back to back, you'll see what I mean.) I don't think I care enough about this film to sit through three freaking hours. I don't care if Jack Black and Colin Hanks are in it. I don't.
Syriana - 126 minutes. George Clooney, Matt Damon, Jeffrey Wright, Amanda Peet. Okay, so The Clooney may have put on 35 pounds and nearly killed himself during this film but I could watch Syriana and then walk straight into a screening of Good Night and Good Luck which is 93 minutes and The Clooney in black and white (yummy!) - and also the immensely talented and underrated David Strathairn and Robert Downey jr and The Clooney directing - and still meet up with people seeing King Kong for coffee afterwards (admittedly this only works if Syriana and GN&GL have no ads or trailers and KK has the usual bloated half hour of previews . . .) Guess which option I'm going to take? You only get one guess and if its wrong you need to stop being someone I know . . .
*Oh, alright. Nicole was extremely good in The Hours, there I said it. I don't think she was better than Julianne Moore was in that film but she was still extremely good and probably deserved to win. Happy Fosse? Begrudglingly sharing that has made me feel dirty . . .
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Crap. Jamie Bell from Billy Elliot is in Kong. Is he still adorable? Maybe I will see it . . .
There are reasons other than The Clooney?
The ape is sad and confused. The woman feels sorry for the ape who is sad and confused. We got that the first time we saw sad and confused ape and sorry feeling woman. Do we need all those long scenes of sad and confused ape and sorry feeling woman? If each of those scenes had been cut from 5 minutes to 20 seconds the flick would have been half an hour shorter!
AND... did Jackson maybe ask 10 teams from the CG department to come up with a good ape and dinosaur fight scene, but then they were all so good that he decided to use them all in the final cut? Yes, sad and confused ape can kick dinsoaur butt. We got that after the first couple of goes Mr Jackson!
The worst thing is that the sycophants in the motion picture academy will probably think the film is great and give everyone an Oscar and every studio will now remake every old movie and there'll be sad, confused and sorry looking actors plastered all over our screens! Bugger.
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