Ask me why I'm angry and I will punch you.

Here we go. Finally! Cutting the dross down to the Semi Finalists. Let’s cut right to the chase, let's kick this puppy and how!

Sixty three are left to be put through the mean, nasty, psychosis inducing process of one on one yes/no drawn out interviews with the judges. They’re putting through 12 guys and 12 girls – sucks if you’re that 13th guy who is massively more talented then the 12th girl they put through. I call that guy Dewayne Everett-Smith. I also call the judges massive tools.

Tarasai Vushe and her big, booming Gift From God voice, is the first girl through. Her solo performance is waaaaaaay oversung but I do enjoy the vaguely gospel-ly aspects of it, and when she pauses after BELTING a note, to cheekily ask if the audience heard her, she gets a laugh from them and me. Keep the humour, love but slow down on the Praise Jesus and the bigger then Ben Hur notes and we’ll get along fine. (Also – never again match your eye shadow to your top. The Fug Girls will fug you like they fugged Amali.)

Daniel Misfud is up next and no-one really thinks this guy isn’t getting through, right? It’s not backwards day or anything. His solo perf is laid back and Irish has been kind enough to lend him the Idol Falsetto. That’s sweet. Now go and buy his CD. Now, bitches.

Both Mildura girls Jesse Curran and Holly Weinert go in together because omigod, they are like so totally the same person, can you even tell them apart because I know I can't, they are such total bookends!! I mean, they're like both TOTALLY blonde and both really good singers and both from Mildura!! Totally!! For real!! Maybe they’re related?!! Oh my god, are they twins??!! Stupid show. I personally prefer Jesse’s voice, she has a gorgeous natural quaver going on. Holly’s solo was ‘Blackbird’ (by way of the Sarah McLachlan version, I believe) and I have to say, I didn’t care for it at all but that’s more about the arrangement and less about her voice.

WA boy Mustard gets knocked back. He takes it gracefully. This will be a recurring theme until we hit Jasmine.

Cat eyed Brianna Carpenter is still my current fave (go check out her Myspace page, her original shit is AWESOME). She thinks she’s quirky and I’m not sure if it’s because she’s self aware or a little pretentious. Time will tell. Hope it’s the former. She wants the show to embrace left of centre and you can practically see Marcia’s hackles rise there because she can smell Eau De Chanel Cole – and that ain’t one of Mother Marcia’s favourite things, boys and girls. Through clenched and gritted teeth, Marcia tells her she’s in.

Dylan Yeandle's cheeky passion and actually quite awesome rendition of The Cure’s ‘Love Cats’ isn’t enough to get him through the SemiFinal door. He is heartbroken but I am glad to see that his often previewed hissy fit moment of shoving a glass off a table is done in light (broken)hearted jest. Bravo on taking it so well, young sir.

HotCarl Risely the trumpeter is up next and I have to pause the tape and clean up the mouthful of pasta that goes flying across the room when Mathieson says that his horn is his best friend. Dudes, seriously? The trumpet is SO very very hot. His solo includes both the playing of the trumpet and tilting his chiselled jaw at us. His biceps also do a lovely thing when he shakes the judges hands (pausing to kiss Kyle’s – eww, you do not know where that thing has been) after they put him through. You know, sometimes I just plain forget he’s here to sing . . .

Cheray Doughty is another of my favourites right from her first audition. Her solo is the usually career killing Four Non Blondes ‘What’s Going On’ but her version is gorgeous in its restraint and I loudly applaud her arranging skills. She is overjoyed to make it through and it’s at this point that I notice young Ben McKenzie is one of the first to hug whoever comes out from panel.

Jordan You Can Never Be Too Orange Paris, is wearing a white suit that is colour co-ordinated to his teeth. His flashbacks remind me that, crazy suits and overtanning aside, he doesn’t have a terrible voice but he cheesily overperforms ‘Right Here Waiting’ for his solo and as much as thinks he is in, he isn’t. His lip literally quivers and my cold bitchy heart breaks a little for him.

The silky voiced motherfucking awesomeness of Dewayne Everett-Smith doesn’t get through. I’m so FUCKING FURIOUS about that, that I can’t even LOOK at the judges without wanting to punch every single one of them in the middle of the throat. They ask him to come back next year and Marcia is crying and I scream at him to PUNCH THEM DEWAYNE, PUNCH THEM HARD.

Johnny Depp impersonator Husny Thalib strangely chose my favourite karaoke song ‘Torn’ for his solo performance. It’s not bad. It’s not great though he is definitely individual and completely different to anyone else in the competition. There’s a place for him in the Semi’s. (BUT NOT FOR DEWAYNE. NEED TO PUNCH SOMEONE SOOOO HARD).

Our favourite nutter Jasmine Anderson, who I still thought was a dead cert to get through based on her original audition and her solid solo perf of ‘Lean On Me’, obviously pushed her luck waaaay too far with her group shenanigans and even her tearful mea culpa to panel will help her now. She FABULOUSLY loses her shit (and although it’s for herself, I like to think a little of it was for Dewayne). It is a hissy fit worthy of Joan Collins in Dynasty, circa 1984. I fully expected her to throw a glass of whisky in Mark’s face and have a catfight in a waterfountain with Marcia with both of them wearing ear high shoulder pads – come on, you know Marcia could lend her something without even having to get clothing out of storage. Call her crazy, but chick can still totally rock out a tune. But, yeah, killer fatigue. Killer.

Wonderful little crooner Sarah Lloyde, who made the Top 100 in 2005 but has never gotten any further, giggles giddily when she gets in. Awwww, she's cute. And friends with Jacob.

Group Nicole, Tim, Nikki and Chad go in together and are all told no. Time saving, I likey. Me no likey? When the next group brought in, which consists of Annabel, Daniel, Shaye and Jack Byrnes is told that it's a no. Except for one of you. So that's, let me see - amazing low. Followed by amazing speculative scary potential high. And then amazing bottoming like a drunk out of three dollar hooch low for the three people who aren't Jack. It's like a quick lesson in what its like to have bipolar disorder. Cruel, show.

MiniJohnButler, shaggy haired and over eyebrowed Marty Simpson sings Tom Petty's 'Won't Back Down'. It's got a laid back beachy feel to it and he has a pretty good voice, but he isn't impressing the judges with his personality. He however, is still in. I am still pissed about Dewayne.

Like Daniel before him, Matt I Am NOT Dean Geyer Mark II Corby doesn't really need to be put through this rigmarole bullshit we're so sorry but we have to . . . put you in! Hah! Faked you out totally, right? Please. Don't waste our motherfucking time. Now, I put it to you that the kid has a good voice (he's sixteen, he's sixteen) and is pretty cute. But I'm making the call now - he'll make the Top 12, of course he will. He won't win. Brand me foolish. Laugh at me if you will, but like Anthony Callea and Dean Geyer before him, the tween vote won't be enough. He'll need to persuade us oldies, we control the Idol vote, this ain't Big Brother. If Tim Brunero could sing, he'd have cakewalked Idol.

Let's move on to Ben McKenzie, adorable little ragamuffin who is told they think he's too young (he's the same freaking age as the last guy you saw, wankers, but yes, he IS too young and so is Matt . . . ) He's in. I will spend his performance biting my nails worrying about him. God.

Jacob Butler, oh you silly silly boy, 'Across The Universe'? Do you not know that Chanel Cole fucking owns the Idol rights to this song? And no one else is allowed to sing it. Ever. Don't make me hurt you - if you come on the show and do 'Constant Craving' or 'History Repeating' I will have to break your arm. They put him through and he runs outside straight into the arms of Ben McKenzie - seriously, that kid is getting body time with everyone.

Joining the ranks of cute girls through is Natalie Gauci who kicks ass with her own version of 'Crazy'. She's very very cute, I love her scarf and she knows how to sing a song at her loudest and proudest without strangling the notes. I like more of the girls this season. Some really good voices.

Rather pretty Lyall Adonis makes me like The Verves 'Drugs Don't Work'. It's lovely and restrained - I'm a big fan of restraint, its more emotional than the belting the living hell out of and oversinging vocal gymnastics favoured by 'big' singers like Tarasai. I'm relieved we appear to only have one of them this season. He is through and my goodness, we DO have some hottie boys this season. Yowzah.

It's 4.30 fucking am before they get to the final two girls. Dude, that sucks. It's not good for your nerves to be tortured for that long - can we get the Geneva Convention altered or the UN on to this or something? The last two are Rosie Ribbons and Cyndi Dietrich and I'm sorry Cyndi, but Rosie is amazing, you have to know going in that it's her and not you. Rosie's voice is just great and she didn't make Top Six of UK Idol for nothing. Cyndi sang Sarah McLachlan's 'Angel' and again, why do a song that a previous Idol (in this case, Hayley) owned? Silly. Redundant. Rosie sang 'Stand By Me', a song that I'm not thrilled by for this kind of competition and I hope her song choice is better at the semi's, but when Marcia asks Rosie what this means to her, her answer is perfect in her simplicity; "I don't believe that I'm not supposed to sing". That's how you acknowledge destiny or fate and praise whatever higher power you believe in. Rosie goes through, Cyndi is understandably sad and I note that not one of Jasmine's group got through.

The last two boys to see panel are Dave Andrews (who is keeping his daughter up at 4.30 am, bad daddy!) and James Davies. Both guys are quite good singers, both with their own unique qualities and although they tell James that he's the one they think is ready, they put Dave through. I'm ambivalent about this one, I must admit. I don't think Dave will make it past the semi's and I'm still just red rage coma inducingly pissed that they didn't put Dewayne in. Remember season one, when they brought that guy back who made it to the top 100 but not the semi's? I don't remember his name, but they Wildcarded him, maybe they'll see the error of their ways and Wildcard Dewayne. Otherwise, someone needs to be punched. Punched.

Oh, and as usual we didn't get to see some people who made it to the Semi's - this year they completely ignored Junior To'o, Mark da Costa, Sally van der Zwart, Lana Krost, Madison Pritchett and Morgan Hosking. So odds are, as no one knows who they are, unless they ROCK the hell out of their semi final perfomance, they won't make it to the Top 12.

Sunday night, the boys are up first - Matt (dead cert), Jacob, Lyall, Daniel (dead cert), Husny and HotCarl.