Things Through History Which Have Caused Less Annoyance Than whatserface Coulter Sharing Hosting On Idol

Things Through History Which Have Caused Less Annoyance Than whatserface Coulter Sharing Hosting On Idol. Jack the Ripper.

Mathieson and G start the show together, quickly letting go of each other's hands as the music dies. Jimmy is wearing another skinny tie again. Are they back in as well? Skinny ties and jumpsuits, what IS the world coming to? At least this one is sparkle free. He reveals the first contestant through to the Top 12 and the first two people the director shows as Jimmy says the words 'as voted by you into the Top 12 of 2008' are Wes Carr and Chrislyn Hamilton (who are also coincidentally standing on either side of the boys). So it's no huge surprise when Chrislyn is first through. She doubles over in glee. G gets to say Wes Carr's name and as The Messiah throws his head back it register on me that he's not wearing a hat, silly or otherwise. G announces that the Idol hosting team is 33.3% more awesome because of whatserface and MAN, the boobies are OUT tonight.

Things Through History Which Have Caused Less Annoyance Than whatserface Coulter Sharing Hosting On Idol. The black plague.

First cab off the rank (and yeah, I'm going to do that as long as it amuses me that Coulter fucked it up) is the laconic lad, Luke Dickens singing Wilson Pickett's 'Mustang Sally'. Must I have this conversation every year? Songs from the movie The Commitments are out of bounds. There's one every freaking season. I actually don't mind his performance. It's less Andrew Strong (lead singer of the Commitments) and might actually be the first song he's sung as himself. He has a gravelly, raspy voice, it almost hurts to listen to but he is absolutely the first kind of . . . him . . . there's been on this show. I reluctantly want him to go through. Wow. I just don't know who I am anymore. Blame whatserface. His facial hair is still stupid and his tshirt says Smet. What the frilly heck does that even mean?

Dicko loves that if they'd put Luke in front of the head honchos of the record industry they'd have hidden beneath their desks and instead now the Australian public gets to decide and he thinks that and the performance were great. Marcia 'well wells' at him and then tells him it was 'dynamite'. Is dynamite the new 'favourite song'? She said it twice last night. Then she says it again! And that it was really gas. Has Marcia changed suppliers? What have they cut her shit with? Or is she just watching old episodes of 'Good Times' in the dressing room? Avoid the episode where James Evans Sr dies Marcia, your eyelashes will get stuck together and you won't be able to tell if your wig is on straight - which, by the way, have been excellent this season. Kyle thinks he has a great voice but wants to know how he's going to transcend from the shearers shed to Idol contestants - Kyle, he'll be fine, I'm positive Luke's been to a few RSLs in his time, he'll LOVE his national tour of them. Kyle completely randomly asks what's going on in Luke's life so we can completely randomly be told his partner is pregnant. Kyle brushes that off as being her job and Luke has done his part and I'd REALLY like to think that Kyle is kidding. (That's part of his persona, the brash arsehole. It's an act. Right? He can NOT be human.) It's Mathieson and his skinny tie who are out to chat with the contestants tonight. Whatserface is happily nowhere to be seen.

Things Through History Which Have Caused Less Annoyance Than whatserface Coulter Sharing Hosting On Idol. Jar Jar Binks.

Curly haired invalid Brooke Wilkie has a great individual voice and her blues solo performance from the Top 100 is fucking awesome. Man, I wish we'd seen more of that. It's such a shame her vocal cords have been shredded by laryngitis because otherwise Paolo Nutini's 'New Shoes' might have sounded just as good. It still sounds okay to start but it has no strength and she's struggling to get out any sound at all by halfway through and how she keeps from bursting into tears and falling to the ground, I just don't know. She's got some quirky moves as well and she keeps smiling and she just gets such major points for trying. The crowd knows she's sick and they go apeshit in support, to which she smiles sadly, but thankfully. I want to hug her. Can I hug her? Can someone please hug her? This is the only time EVER I actually want the pity vote to get someone through and I'm fucking due one . . .

Marcia calls it an incredibly brave effort and explains about her lost voice and tells her that regardless she needs to make sure she still gives a performance and . . . hell . . . I've been there. I once passed out backstage and had to be driven home by my director whilst his wife went on in my place script in hand and it's DEVASTATING. You feel like absolute shit and you've just let people down, there are few worse feelings and being sick multiplies everything. Kyle wants more info about the voice and don't make her talk, she's croaky as hell. Kyle refuses to judge her because she's better than the performance she gave and that he hopes people vote based on her prior perfs - which luckily we got to see tonight because she only got about twenty seconds screentime up to that point. Dicko ain't scared to judge her and prattles on about getting sick and having a sold out arena and how as an artist you've got to just deal with it. Bull. Shit. Christina Aguilera cancelled her last concert here because of a sore throat, Celine's cancelled, Kylie's cancelled (and I don't mean just because of the cancer, I'm not that mean or stupid), Mariah's cancelled, SINGERS CANCEL SHOWS ALL THE TIME and do you know why? Because that is their fucking instrument in the middle of their throat all covered in phlegm and virus' and potential nodule causing injuries because they forced themselves to sing. Dicko, remember Cosima. He does stress he wants her to connect more with the audience non verbally. Mathieson didn't get my text because he does not hug Brooke. Awwwww.

Things Through History Which Have Caused Less Annoyance Than whatserface Coulter Sharing Hosting On Idol. The entire cast of Full House.

Baby faced (seriously, they checked his birth certificate right?) Tom Williams is going where Daniel Belle dared to tread and is singing Josh Groban's 'You Raise Me Up' and sorry, but when you've seen and heard Daniel sing this live, there ain't any more room for any other version little boy. But hey, give it a try. He starts off well but he doesn't have even a portion of the vocal strength that Belle had. He gets a bit pitchy during the chorus. He has a nice church voice but it's just a dull performance. I at no point get the shivers. This is a shivers song.

Kyle loves him but calls it a little bit too girly for him. The crowd boos and oh jesus, Tom is going to be this year's Matt Corby. Loved by the fangirlies, unable to do any wrong, blessed with unworthy Touchdowns . . . oh, wait. Heeeeee. Tom has an ear and throat infection but Kyle doesn't care and namechecks the Veronica's 'Take Me On The Floor' and I HATE that song because of the 'I wanna kiss a girl, I wanna kiss a boy' bit but I would have applauded if he'd done that song and sung that particular bit. Then he calls the song a total Grandma song choice. Dicko knows the people love him and his popularity and cuteness will get him through but that he needs to improve his vocals and wants him to get through and go on based on his tonsils and not his dimples, or as I prefer to call it; Dean Geyer Syndrome. Marcia wants it be a bit of both - she loves the young boys - but tells him to watch his breathing. She comes dangerously close to calling it one of her favourite songs. Mathieson's eyes about pop out of his head when he questions the year young Tom was born.

Unlike last night, G and whatserface don't seem to be sharing the holding room . . . she's nowhere. This is a slight improvement but only if where she currently is, is in her car driving home after being fired.

Things Through History Which Have Caused Less Annoyance Than whatserface Coulter Sharing Hosting On Idol. The Crazy Frog ringtone.

Powerhouse Natalie Colavito breaks my heart. She sings 'Listen' from Dreamgirls. She sings it really really well, excellent technique blah blah but it's covered in trilling and there's so much vocal gymnastics going on she gets an 8.4 from the Russian judge. It's carbon copy Beyonce from the movie. Do we have room for three big female voices? We already have Chrislyn and it's pretty much a certainty that Madam will get through when she performs. I think I actually like Natalie's voice better but has she been hamstrung by performing after Chrislyn already went through?

Dicko doesn't want to talk about the vocal he wants to talk about the fact that she's a big girl and Natalie does this awesome thing that makes me pause the tape for a second. She puts her chin up and her nostrils flare and her eyes flash 'fucking BRING it' in his direction. They may even have gone a little devil red around the irises. He tells her to use it or lose it. Huh? He wants her to add a physicality to her performance like Chrislyn and be sexier and more comfortable. Marcia tells her she needs to stop oversinging and 'listen' to the note and come back to the melody. Yay for discouraging the trillympics! Kyle thinks she's pretty happy in herself and that she is working what she has and discourages her dressing from the whatserface House of Get Your Cans Out.

Things Through History Which Have Caused Less Annoyance Than whatserface Coulter Sharing Hosting On Idol. Channel Ten's new show Taken Out.

Rock chick Amanda Grafanakis takes on Pink's 'Who Knew'. It's a quite nice rock performance but this song? This song is HEARTBREAKINGLY sad. I - for real - couldn't hear it on the radio without crying a little the first few times I heard it. Taking the history of the song and putting it aside, she rocks the fuck out of it and busts some very nice vocals. Nice. Unexpected.

Marcia says she's always saying to contestants to take steps in a song and tells her she should start *fistpunch* right there. She mentions the Pink angst and tells her to cut to the chase. Can you start at *fistpunch* and still show angst? I don't know. Pink puts the angst in with that delightful crack she has in her voice and her sad sad puppydog eyes. The she releases a bitchy fucking number about her exhusband unfortunately a week before his baby brother is killed unexpectedly. Moving on. Every season Kyle shows he knows less about music than ANYONE. He says this is a song about being dumped. Maybe superficially it is Kyle, but really this song is about friendship. It's about friends who have overdosed and died. That last kiss, I'll cherish, until we meet again. That lyric KILLS me. The friend is dead. It's about LOSS, you pillock, GOD. Dicko tells her to be careful and shouldn't develop a princess attitude and needs to deliver pop rock with individual style (or Gwen Stefani's, whatever). Mathieson doesn't think she's a princess either and says she can't do the frou frou thing. And then she and Mathieson go 'pop' at each other like they are each others fairy godmother! Make whatserface disappear and I'll go to the ball in those recklessly dangerous glass slippers!!

Things Through History Which Have Caused Less Annoyance Than whatserface Coulter Sharing Hosting On Idol. The beautiful pearl earrings Vincent Van Gogh received the Christmas he lopped off the lobe of his left ear.

Final performance (or the pimp spot) is Thanh Bui and his rendition of U2's 'One'. This is the other U2 song I like, please don't boyband it. This is not a fast and crazy song but he's slowed it down even more. It's . . . you know what it is? It's total Altar Boyz. It's that musical about Take That that Shaneequa saw when she was in London that spelt out the lyrics to a song in the rain. He can sing, there is no question about that, but he's really - god, he's Callea. It's another freaking Callea. Save me. Save us all.

Marcia wants to know what he'd say if one of his students came out and sang like that and it's a trick question Thanh, she totally loved you, she loves that kind of boyband shit. He platitudes that 'you did the very best you could, go and listen back to the tape and see what you can learn from it'. Marcia verbatims it back to him. Ha! Brown Sugar is so sassy this season!! Kyle thinks he has an amazing voice and he's going to stand out no matter what. He finds it pleasureable to listen to him. The he's just gross about his jacket. Ew. Dicko initiates Operation Thrash The Boy Band Out Of Thanh Bui and that's just ace. I love it when he makes the jokes for me! He tells him it was still really boyband - he reminds him that Robbie and Justin who have come from boybands have made themselves individuals and stand out and that's what he needs to do. Thanh has the cutest smile. Goooood teeth, dude.

The boys do a little eye fucking with each other before throwing us back to the recap (and man, they could have showed the start of Brooke's song before she COMPLETELY lost her voice) and the best two performances appear to have been the rockers - Luke and Amanda. But pity vote for Brooke, pity vote!! Please . . . I put up with Laura Gissara for way too many weeks in Season Three. You OWE me one.

Things Through History Which Have Caused Less Annoyance Than whatserface Coulter Sharing Hosting On Idol. Cane toads.

TallulahBelle out.