Idol. A Journey!!1!

Season One

There are two standout moments from S1 in my mind. The first moment is sitting in my living room watching the Final Three as the boys put Guy Sebastian through to the Opera House and then paused whilst Cosima produced a piece of paper as she had something to say. At that moment, I knew she was withdrawing. The previous night she had noticeably lost part of her vocals during 'River Deep, Mountain High'. It was painful to listen to, as this powerhouse of a voice petered and cracked and eventually gave up. The last long note she hit splintered about halfway through and the look of disappointment on her face was heartbreaking. To this day, I firmly believe she would have been in the finals with Guy over Shannon Noll.

The second moment is back home in WA as the Opera House finale was televised after a week of Guy and Shannon spruiking around the country, stumping for votes. It was the day my sister and brother in law brought their second baby - the mischieveous Isabelle - home (their other daughter is partially named after me, and is ridiculously like me. Genetics is some weird shit, man) and I was over there for the birth. My sister and I had discussed Idol and whilst it was of a lesser import than the safe birth of Belle, it was still high on the list of priorites, specifically the winning of such show by Sebastian. Neither of us wished to have introduced little Belle to a world where Shannon Noll had won the first season of Idol. It can be said that we were not fans. There was much wooing and whispered yaying as Guy was named Aus Idol and I whispered in Belle's ear that the world was safe from bumpkin rock. How wrong I was. But good for Shannon, he's made an excellent career for himself that I can almost completely ignore - except for the fact one of his songs (and actually, one I shamefully confess to enjoying) is the theme song for The Biggest Loser.

Season Two

Oh, S2. My favourite of seasons. Chanel Cole, Courtney Murphy, Daniel Belle, Casey Donovan. 'Here's Where I Stand', 'Across The Universe', 'Glory Box', 'You Raise Me Up', 'God Only Knows', 'She Will Be Loved' and 'The Prayer'. What an amazing fucking season, full of outstanding performances. I was at rehearsals at Shaneequa's house when Chanel and Ricki Lee hit the Bottom Three after Beatles week. Fosse texted me in horror and I immediately called a halt to rehearsals to plunge at her tv and throw it on. We were all convinced it spelt the end for Chanel and I was LIVID as we waited through the commercial break. My eyes have never been bigger than when it was announced it was Ricki Lee who was leaving. There was a dance of joy, you know there was. Not to mention a HUGE freaking sigh of relief. And I was okay when a couple of weeks later, Chanel did go. The competition had started to sap the life out of her, the inexplainable and consistent dislike from Marcia was grating on everyone's nerves and it was time. She'd rocked my world - and continues to do so. Her original work with Spook (with Daniel Belle and Statler and Waldorf) remains one of my favourite post Idol CDs and my trips to Bega with the CC forum kids has produced a great number of new friends. Even if the last time I played Scrabble with Chanel via Facebook she dropped all her tiles in one hit, blowing her score into the stratosphere and then NEVER FINISHED THE GAME. Come on, Coco, what's that about? Let's dance.

And yeah, the winner of S2, Poor Poor Casey, started the tradition of Idol Treating Girl Winners Badly, but go listen to the song she has on her Myspace page. Her voice still sounds amazing and I expect in later years, she'll have the maturity to make her quite the awesome and accomplished alternative folk musician. Plus, Fosse and I wanted her to beat Anthony 'he'll be a real boy one day' Callea SO bad, I don't think we breathed at all when they were announcing the winner.

Season Three

Oy. Man, what a dog of a year. Except for the constantly growing, ever surprising talents of Miss Kate DeAurago, there wasn't a lot to keep me going that season. I fell in and then quickly out of love with DeadtomeOnetrickponyLee Harding and hated the crazy amount of love and pimpage that Mark Holden showed for EmilyTheColdlyAnointedOne. I loathed that Kyle Sandilands had replaced Dicko; worse that he turned out to be the sanest of the judges that year, as Marcia continued to offer no concrete critique and Holden gave everyone - but Kate - Touchdowns. I especially loathed the complete and utter look of disgust on Holden's face as Kate was announced the winner.

But the night of the Aus Idol finale of S3 was awful for other, much sadder and real life impacting reasons. That was the evening I pulled into the driveway, only to run over Fosse's beloved Doc, his eight year old cat who, for whatever reason, didn't move out of the driveway as I came down it. He was unseeable in the dim of the days dying light amid the grass, and the horror of that night, driving him frantically to the vet, sobbing uncontrollably against the wall of the examining room as the vet told me it didn't look good, being hugged and reassured by the lovely Eupholoofo that everything would be okay (it wasn't, he passed away a week later, we still miss you Doc, you crazy possum catching, laid back, alpha, cool cat) and then having to tell Fosse what had happened, is still a distressing memory. As you can imagine, Idol took quite the backseat in a somber, saddened ChezBelle that night. Even the joy of Kate beating Emily, who I hated, was never fully realised.

Season Four

S4 brought everything back again. The excitement, the fervour, the absolute one eyed fanaticism of being desperately, hugely, amazingly, head over heels devoted to one fantastically awesome contestant, the Irish chemist, Damien Leith. Only Chanel had produced the amount of sighing and gooey eyed happiness that Irish gave me, week after week. It was a wonderful feeling, to be enjoying my show again so much. And that the Final Two were so freaking likeable! Jess Mauboy and Irish were the standouts from their season for me (as Bobby Flynn and Lisa Mitchell, who had started out strong, had quickly disappointed) and I loved Damien from the get go. Fosse and I rushed to Shaneequa's that night to watch the finale, fully aware that in a room full of people, we were the only two who wanted an Irish win. I screeched in victory, Chrispy threw his hands up in disgust, Shaneequa rolled her eyes knowing she'd be hearing about this for weeks to come and Fosse and I beamed and chair danced excitedly.

I have bought all of his CDs. I have seen him perform twice live (he's AWESOME). I made him sign his book 'To TallulahBelle love Irish', and made him write on my CD 'fiddle dee dee potatoes' because I knew it would amuse Shaneequa. He did not call security based on either of these requests and was in fact entirely awesome about the whole thing. He is waaaaay cool. Red may or may not have had to put up with me excitedly giggling every five seconds that "he's so irish" when we saw him the first time. He's my Aus Idol. I'm glad for him and I look forward to his next CD of originals.

Season Five

Oh, Natalie Gauci. Man, she rocked my world SO many times S5. Only Ben McKenzie made me happier - oh, Moppet. I still hate that he went out so early. And the hotness that was HotCarl was definitely a highlight of S5, although the trilby thing he wore whilst singing 'Waltzing Matilda' week one may go some of the way to explaining my dislike of the hats worn this year by The Messiah. I argued fiercely with people that The Gauc would win the series from a fairly early point. Most expected Matt Corby to win because the tweens loved him so. I posited my theory that the young do not own Idol, they own Big Brother. We, the over 25's own Idol. Matt Corby was never going to win. I am so disappointed that we still don't have an original CD from Natalie. Even Kate got an original. I have read lots of reasons why this may be - some say she's too much of a perfectionist to finalise recording, others say she's being shafted by SonyBMG. Either way, I'd like to see whatever the reasons are, be resolved. Natalie has an outstanding voice and I still want to hear more of it. I meandered home from a matinee performance that night secure in the knowledge that she would win and made it home with ten minutes to spare prior to the announcement. I never got around to writing about it, my interest waning quickly due to a dull season (Gauci and McKenzie notwithstanding).

Season Six

So tonight, I shall be at rehearsal. Monday night too. So I don't know when I'll have a chance to watch the show in its entirety as it will be late when I get home tonight. I'll throw the tape on briefly to see who won but I fully expect it to be Wes Carr. Whilst Luke Dickens has come a long way, it would be a weird and woolly world where he could beat a musician of The Messiah's calibre. Luke's New! Original! Song! Written! Just! For! Him! is not as good as The Messiah's is. So I imagine I'll watch it maybe Tuesday, write about it at some point during the week, fire whatserface a few more times and lament the passing of another season where I couldn't text Chanel to 19 10 10. Although I totally did that today. Just for old times sake.

TallulahBelle out.

. . . must . . . show . . . interest . . .

*sleeps in*

*reads newspaper*

*drinks too much coffee, wanders around the house, briefly considers alphabetising DVD's and CD's*

*has lunch, does dishes, watches same Gilmore Girls episode twice*

*twiddles thumbs*

*sighs, reluctantly sits down to write blog about Final Three*

Okay. So. Killer Fatigue has totally kicked in, hasn't it? Granted I was sick last week and doing a show at the same time which is why there was no Idol recap but I still haven't watched last weeks show and it had Chris motherfucking Isaak in it. I'm assuming he was awesome and blew everyone's minds. I also assume that Teale was solid but dull, Luke was gruff and surprisingly good (at some point we'll stop being surprised by that, I'm sure), Mark was sexy in a way that only I and Andrew G seem to appreciate and The Messiah continued The Journey Of Awesome, yeah? And if anyone actually thought that Teale wasn't the next to go, well, I'd suggest that person may perhaps have never seen the show before. Still. I can't believe I haven't watched Chris motherfucking Isaak yet. By all accounts, he rocked everyone's world. It's still on tape. I'll get to it. Eventually.

But on to Final Three performance night! Tally ho! The boys rock out to start the show with Red Ribbons attached to their lapels, which, they're a bit early for World Aids Day but still, they gets major points for effort and . . . what the hell is going on with G's hair? Has he had it cut? Has his home shower lost it's pressure? Is he taking the four minute shower seriously? Because no, bad hair, BAD G. Shower with Mathieson, that gives you eight minutes - you can wash each other's hair. Back to the show, Tiny Tina Arena is back in the country and mentoring/judging this week! Yay! She was great the week she helped in London. The boys dance around the stage like teenagers (they were so in love with her on Young Talent Time, you just know it) as she comes sauntering out, kissing them both (one on each cheek, European style) and insisting they stand on either side of her. Host sandwich! Me next! She gets a little handsy with Mathieson, but who wouldn't given the chance?!

Round One

Luke Dickens kicks off the show with a song I would SO do if I was on Idol, Steelers Wheel's 'Stuck In The Middle With You' - and if he sexy psycho dances like Mr Blonde in Reservoir Dogs around a strapped-to-a-chair Kyle Sandilands, cuts off his ear and throws petrol on him, then Mr Dickens will get my vote this week. I approve of the new facial hair, by the way, although he looks more and more like my darling cousin, K. Luke actually does some lovely things with this song, throwing in a nice melodic lilt to the usual lyric and it really suits his voice. He still has that slightly surprised jaunt to his eyebrows, the one that says "I'm still here? Really? Okay" and that then pops open a can of VB and lights a Winnie Blue. He has expressive eyebrows, they're much easier to read now that they're not hiding behind The Facial Hair Of Ew. Good song choice, well played, but points deducted for singing in between the two girl backing vocalists. Neither of whom look terribly impressed once they work out which one is the Clown and which one is the Joker. Their eyebrows promise that there will be repercussions later for this. The Joker may even show Luke a magic trick that involves a pencil, a desk and someone who has seen The Dark Knight too many times.

Dicko calls it an awesome start and then talks about Luke's Journey!!1! and says he needs to take his shearing gear to Cash Convertors because he's here to stay. Marcia prattles about it being a singing and performance competition and that he has himself really together when he comes on stage and that she watches the audience too much. Well, we all knew it and now it's confirmed, Brown Sugar doesn't pay attention when they sing! Tiny Tina calls it comfortable and connected and lauds his diction as most improved. Kyle gets pervy about his younger days and Tiny Tina's hot factor, making us all very very uncomfortable, then calls Luke brilliant and compliments his song choice and tells him he's ripe for a spot at the Opera House. whatserface reminds us that tomorrow is the last perf night and that the Final Two will perform their New! Original! Songs! Written! Just! For! Them! Is she still on the show? I'd hoped that the raw, earthy sexuality of Chris motherfucking Isaak may have shattered her into a billion tiny unfixably fired pieces, but no such luck huh?

Still hot Mark Spano has chosen a song I've never ever heard or heard of, Fuel's 'Bad Day' and chats with Tiny Tina about being a 'dark cat'. Mark and his kind of sucky (but still sexy) black vest stand in the middle of the stage as he performs what can only be described as sweet sweet fellating love to his microphone and stand. To the side of the stage, Andrew G shifts uncomfortably and takes notes. This is a really great song choice for him, it's very suited to his voice, even if I don't stand 100% behind the 'ahahahah' thing he does at the end. He sings it extremely well.

Marcia again talks about watching the audience and tells Mark the Screaming Idol Fangirlies were with him the entire way. Tiny Tina tells him it was a great performance but reminds him to open his beautiful Italian eyes and use them to connect with the audience. Can anyone really give good head and keep their eyes open the entire time? It's hard. I've heard. Kyle, what do you have to say on the subject? He agrees it's a hard thing to do because you want to get in there and give it your everything, especially on tv - and I'm tempted to say that Kyle is talking about something different to me but then he asks the ladies in the audience who liked Mark's pole work and there, right there, Kyle Sandilands and I are on the same wavelength, and I need a scalding Silkwood hot shower. Dicko also didn't know the song and says it was like watching him do an original - he says he sold the narrative, the energy and his rock credentials. G comes out and plays with the mike stand, sliding his hand up and down it - and I am not making this stuff up! It's on the tape! Up and down! (Dirty!)

Wes Carr is singing 'Easy', which he contributes to Faith No More, which is the version most people would know but it was originally done by The Commodores, as G notes when he introduces it. The hat is back. I've been wanting him to do a proper ballad-y song for weeks. This isn't what I meant. It's done okay, he sings it okay, but you can really pick out the quaver in his voice when he slows down and it's not as effective as I might have hoped. The harmonica is an outstanding touch but the slow arm wave he does afterwards is not. Hmmm.

Tiny Tina calls him a superstar and tongue bathes him about not being shy about coming from the Johnny Young Talent School. Wes smiles that you shouldn't be embarrassed by your roots and he says that only because he can't see the almost inch thick brown roots I'm rocking at the moment that are cutting into the red. Must do something about that. Back to Tiny Tina who says he consistently makes things his own and that he's going to have a great Journey!!1! and she wants to be around to see it. You'll need to stay in Australia for that Tiny Tina, our Idols don't fare too well outside the immediate border. Kyle mocks Wes' inability to take a compliment and then turns on Johnny Young. Dicko calls him the most consistent contestant the show has ever had but tells him to stick to his rock phrasing and avoid the pop phrasing he did at the beginning which got lost but he still loved it. Marcia doesn't know what Dicko's talking about because Wes gave it a 'vibe'. Fuck off with your 'vibe', Marcia. She loves how he layers the songs and says he did a great job. Mathieson wants to know if he's done enough to grab the competition by the balls. Love your work, Jimmy.

whatserface badly interviews a friend of Wes and the boys spruik for Mazda. G stumbles a bit on his words and Mathieson finds it extremely amusing.

Round One; winner is Mark, runner up is Luke and sidling into last place is The Messiah. Huh.

Round Two

Luke's second song is Elton John's 'I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues'. He gets off to a very tremulous, trepidatious start, his voice almost sounds a little weak; it might be the fact that he's seated on a stool, it might be the open collar on his shirt throwing off his centre of gravity or it might be the fact that LUKE IS SINGING AN ELTON JOHN SONG. It's Teale-like in its lack of exciting, earth shattering greatness. His voice climbs and sounds much better once he ditches the verses and the stool but it's not on a par with his first performance.

Kyle calls it great, loving the way he is tuning himself into a fine machine. Dicko was excited at his song choice and says that on paper, it was a brilliant song for him but that he wasn't great to start with (aaaaah, back on track with similar thoughts to Dicko and not Kyle, phew, I can relax) but that he got back into it and had a great finish. Brown Sugar says as far as she's concerned he did get there and gives him a 'well done'. Tiny Tina says it's not her favourite Elton song and although he sang it well she felt like he drifted off and didn't physically sell it to her. She gives major props to the band. G stands off to the side and was so distracted by his short term memory of Spanner making out with the mike stand that he doesn't realise Sandilands already gave his 'critique' and then confesses that Elton John was his first concert. It explains SO much.

whatserface calls it the toughest Final Three race to the Opera House EVER! The subtitles of her gritted teeth inform us that wouldn't be the case if she had made it to Final Three her season. Somewhere Courtney Murphy throws something at the television and eats some more pie. (Seriously, where is Courtney? I fucking LOVED that guy. Where is my Courtjester CD??)

Sidebar; Is that Heidi Klum in the new Guitar Hero World Tour ad? And if so, can we get another one with Tim Gunn at some point? Maybe strumming the chords to Smoke On The Water? Cool. Tim Gunn is The Shit, he's awesome. Watch Project Runway if you don't believe me.

If anyone buys the Top Ten CD (and really, no Brooke? Kiss my ass, show) please let me know how lame it is.

Mark's second song is the fabulous 'Smooth' by Rob Thomas and Santana and he pulls at his shirt buttons and really? Oh Mark. He crouches and hovers over the camera and winks and plays up his sexy and NO, honey, sexy is not something you work at, it just is and you normally have it but not when you're trying so hard. Bad Spanner. He flirts with the excellent guitar playing soloist and then kind of meanders around the stage. He works his way over to the Screaming Idol Fangirlies and finishes up with a half Jesus Pose. It's well sung, but not his best work. Like Luke before him, his first song was much much better.

Dicko calls him Spanner and says that's a much harder song to sing than it appears at first glance because of the low sexy growl you have to do at the beginning - and maybe I missed it because I was so horrified by the mugging he was doing but I don't remember sexy growling and I'm normally ALL over that kind of thing. Dicko says he let rip and it was very sexy. I am SO confused. Marcia and Tiny Tina tell him he's cheeky and they don't have the right camera angle on him but he obviously starts to take off his shirt and they playfully screech at him to stop it, now!! You're so naughty! Like they're eight year olds in the playground pushing over the kid they really really like but don't want or know how to tell. Tiny Tina reminds him he had decided he didn't want to do the song but she told him to step outside the box so he could learn and he learned tonight. Then she reminds him to be humble and he thanks her and ducks his head and blinks those long lashed big brown eyes at her and THERE'S THE SEXY. Thank god, I thought it was gone. Call back the hounds. Kyle asks him to teach him about the shirt and button thing and Spanner flashes a nipple at the audience who go out of their freaking minds and if he makes Final Two instead of Luke, it may just be the nip that pips Luke at the post. Mathieson comes out and they do up each other's buttons and somewhere backstage G is losing his freaking mind and hoping he remembered to set the VCR to record tonights show.

Final performance of the night is The Messiah and his guitar as they perform The Beatles 'Get Back' - and I will say Elton John and Fuel aside, the Idol's have managed to hit a few of my favourite songs tonight. The guitar solo at the beginning is OUT. STANDING. It's a great performance all round in fact, and if I'm slightly disappointed that the twitchy leg doesn't get as much camera time as I would have liked (I missed it!) and that he didn't tell Loretta to get back as well as JoJo, he more than makes up for it with his Neil Finn-esque head tilt and dedication to be truly fucking amazing and living up to his nickname. And lo! The angel did appear and delivered unto us all a shaggy haired, oft be-hatted God of Rock. And we saw that it was good.

Dicko and Marcia give him a standing ovation and right away we can see where this is heading. Touchdown Territory. And really, the TD's have been infinitely less painful this season because they have, on the whole, been rather worthy - Spanner's 'Angie', Wes' 'Black and White' for instance and now this. Marcia calls it a great way to finish a great year and thanks him and the other contestants of Aus Idol and whilst I'm struggling to summon the energy to care about Idol this season, Wes and Mark (and to a lesser extent Luke) are excellent musicians and performers and some of the more interesting contestants they've ever had on this show. I mean, I wouldn't rate them higher than Chanel Cole or Damien Leith, but they're not too far below them. Tiny Tina is literally wordless for the first five seconds of her critique and babbles at him before telling him to enjoy the Journey!!1! and not to forget people's names along the way. Marcia and Tiny Tina have been drinking or something because they're about falling off their chairs in hysterics at this. Kyle and Dicko just look dumsquizzled. Kyle shakes his head at the Screaming Idol Fangirlies who want him to give a Touchdown and says he won't because that was better than a TD. He says that very rarely in a rock performance do you deserve a tv throw and then throws the tiny little tv in front of him at The Messiah! OH&S, dude. You could have injured his guitar/harmonica hand with that thing. Idiot. Dicko has never been one to pay any freaking attention to what Kyle says and throws him a well deserved Touchdown, noting that Holden hates him anyway. The crowd goes APESHIT. G notes to Kyle that he didn't actually break it and Mathieson drolly smirks that he throws like a girl. I'd actually like to point out that he probably actually throws like an unfit annoying radio personality git carrying a little too much weight who won't go away and take whatserface with him, but you know. Potato/potato.

Round Two; winner is The Messiah, runner up is a tie between Luke and Spanner.

Tough call to say who should be Final Two. I'd like it to be Mark and Wes because that's what I called oh so many weeks ago and I've only ever been right once about the Final Two before, but I'll take a Wes/Luke or a Luke/Mark because I think Wes and Mark will be fine regardless and Luke will probably be okay as well.

TallulahBelle out.

Liveblogging; Five to Four

7 31 Mathieson is sans jacket again, but is looking a thousand times sharper than last night. Both boys are wearing very pretty ties - Jimmy's has a nice embossed pattern and G's is accountant hot - it's an acquired taste. I've acquired it. He breaks it to Chrislyn that she's Bottom Three. Jimmy lets Wes and his HIDEOUS yellow shirt know that they are safe. G moves on to Teale who smiles that he's fully aware and more than comfortable being in the B3. Which leaves Luke and Mark. Mathieson fakes out Luke by telling him Australia didn't like his performance, they loved it and he's safe. Spanner B3.

7 34 Chrislyn Hamilton (who is looking fantastic - her hair has never looked better) is still sounding pitchy on 'Thriller' but she's busting out the attitude as she sings "this is the end of the line" and you can see her eyebrows telegraphing to the audience that hell, no, they don't think it's time to go. (Her eyebrows are rhyming eyebrows! Ricky Muscat's never did that!) She delivers the HELL out of the ending and G takes her hand and runs her back to whatserface who threatens zombie moves again. They girly chit chat about how she KILLED that repeat performance.

7 37 'Billie Jean' is still slightly snore inducing as Teale Jakubenko nonetheless hits every note, perfectly executed. His segue to the higher register in his glory note is much better and a little Chris Isaak sounding so it would be grossly unfair if he goes tonight. whatserface asks him if he comes here often and he smiles that it's become a second home.

7 40 G practically gets down on his knees and begs forgiveness for the coldness he showed Mark Spano last night, with his hand on Mark's shoulder and a sexy little shove toward the centre of the stage, requesting that he show Australia why he has to stay. Spanner looks hot in a crisp white dress shirt and incorrectly sings part of the second verse twice - he works the crowd and skips over to the boys sitting on The Couch of Safe and sings to them a bit.

7 44 G admonishes the audience to vote as it's quite close and he has concerns for his boy.

7 49 The Couch of Safe looks bare with only Wes and Luke sitting there as G shoots us to another recap where Chrislyn's singing is missing. Cut back to G and the boys on the couch doing their best Chrislyn imitation. As G notes, it's not very good . . .

7 51 Mathieson asks everyone to get behind their favourite Spano. (He might have actually put a full stop in that sentence but I couldn't hear one.) Mark spazzes out completely and is very pleased that Jermaine liked him. Megan from Bateman's Bay loves Mark and wants him to do some Matchbox Twenty. That's so lame. And Megan is an IDIOT because she then takes the opp to THANK whatserface FOR THE AWESOME JOB SHE IS DOING. Megan might be a little stupid.

7 54 whatserface says it's time to make it about Chrislyn, briefly asks her how she's felt about the different themes they've had this season and then once again makes it All About Her as whatserface says she cried when she found out that Jermaine would be on. Back to Chrislyn as her inhouse fan, Ross, asks her, win or lose what kind of music she would sing. Chrislyn says she would be a soul RnB singer, thanks very much, buy her CD when it comes out, ta.

7 55 We have to see part of Teale's performance again for some reason, there's only five minutes of voting left, are they trying to save Teale?? Mathieson says everyone loved the version of 'Billie Jean' he did and Teale says it's a Chris Cornell version - thank you! Mathieson smiles that with all his time in the B3, he's performed more than anyone left. Teale's inhouse fan flirts with him and wants to know what he likes to do in his spare time - write poetry, walk along the beach, date crazy stalker fans maybe? Teale quickly drops that he likes to spend time with his girlfriend and then G pulls the poor fan down on to The Couch of Not Safe and Mathieson tells her to nick off and then chastises his boyfriend for doing that.

7 58 The Cadbury Performance and a Half is again absolutely the one you thought it was going to be, as Wes throws his hat into the audience and kicks 'Black and White'.

8 02 Kyle MJ dances at us a little. It's just as scary as you imagine it is. G calls him a goose and asks Kyle and Marcia what it was like having JJ sitting in between them. Marcia calls him musical royalty and Kyle pays him out for being too nice. G and Mathieson crack up as G gladly smiles that he doesn't have Kyle's karma. Blake from Sydney thinks Kyle is meaner than Dicko. I don't so much care if he's nice or not, I just would like him to know what the hell he's talking about, that would be great.

8 06 Mathieson and Luke talk about Luke's partner Brooke, who makes EVERYONE'S day by agreeing with Jimmy that the chin thing has to go. Wes and his bad BAD shirt defend their nerves on the performance night as he refuses to admit to vomiting - to which G says a disbelieving and adorable, 'bollocks'. They have his mum Denise on the phone and she and G proceed to embarrass the living HELL out of Wes with stories of how he got into the Johnny Young Talent School. G has his hands ALL over Wes. He's missing his Spano. You'd best believe there will be manly tears if Mark goes tonight.

8 12 Pink! Sorry, P!nk. New song 'Sober', much much better than her last song. She's doing like fifteen concerts in Melbourne next year, she keeps announcing them and they keep selling out. She should seriously consider moving here. We have tattoo parlours and gyms as well, P!nk! Oh, that's too many exclamation points . . . god, that husky break in her voice is gorgeous. And lady knows how to perform live. Idols, take note. She gets to kiss both Mathieson and G on the cheek - man, I'd move here if I was from overseas and could get that kind of action. Mathieson totally channels me and tells her she should move here and she confesses to having thought about it - everyone says that about Australia. I'd like someone to mean it. And I'd like that someone to be Jensen Ackles. I have a spare room, Jensen! And by spare room, I mean the other side of my bed . . .

8 23 The boys recap the judges notes from the previous night. First person safe is . . . Teale. Oh no. Chrislyn is the last girl, she's not going to go tonight, is she? So that means . . . NO! Not my Spano!! Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. Ad break. Damn it!

Nervous sidebar; the ad for X-Men The Last Stand looks great. No really, it does. HURRY UP AND GET BACK TO THE SHOW.

8 30 G nervously tells Mathieson to just read the damn name, if he's going to lose his boy, he just wants to know already, okay, don't keep this from him, just break his heart quickly. Holy crap! Chrislyn is GONE! She gets a little teary as G tells her she's been ten kinds of awesome (that's MY line!), although to be frank, Chrislyn didn't reach the heights she promised during the audition/Seymour centre days/CanYouFeelIt ad. Which isn't to say that in the future she couldn't be great. Give her a few more years to get some experience, lose the theatrics and work on her pitch.

8 33 She dances and sings her way over to The Couch of Safe as she performs 'Get Ready' from Motown week. She shakes Dicko's hand, tells Kyle to get off her when he dances up against her back and then walks around shaking hands of random backstage people and screams her last "Cause here I come". G says she's fearless and joyful to the end and the Final Four Of No Girls Allowed (as Mathieson says, it's a sausage fest - heeeeee) come over to hug her and - in Mark's case - look remarkably relieved. G and Mathieson sign out by letting us know that next week is Star Spangled Banner Appreciation week (or All American - and, what the fuck kind of theme is that?) with guest Chris motherfucking Isaak (!!) and as they say goodbye, the camera pulls back to show Dicko bolting to the stage to say goodbye properly to Chrislyn. Bye Chrislyn! Sorry your eyebrows weren't right!

TallulahBelle out.

Blame It On The Boogie. Or Wolfgang Peterson. Or Something. Yeah?

I started writing this after the show in a timely manner (slight lie. Tiny, wee, I-did-not-have-sexual-relations-with-that-woman sized lie) and then got distracted by Outbreak on Channel Nine. Man, I love that movie. Dustin Hoffman, Rene Russo, Morgan 'Voice of God' Freeman, Donald Sutherland, Kevin Spacey, JT Walsh in one little bitty uncredited scene knocking it out of the PARK playing the Chief of State or something and talking about blowing up a little town full of citizens of the US of A, Patrick Dempsey before he was popular again (and with the WORST hairstyle you'll see come out of the 90's - and I'm including Billy Ray Cyrus and his mullet, but I'm not including the wig Shaneequa is making me wear in the new play I'm in that she's directing. For real, you guys, this wig? It's like she's punishing me for Irish winning two seasons ago or something; it is seriously ugly and she's lucky we're still friends . . .) and by the time it was finished it was late and I didn't want to sit through Idol again. (I love the movie but I don't know why I watch it, it always gets me all het up about whether or not Casey survives. Dustin gets the monkey, saves the town and Renee and at no point do you find out if Casey - Kevin Spacey's character - who was also dying, lives. The movie just kind of ends without telling us. Is Casey alive? Or did he die? He was much further along with the illness than Russo's character but we don't see him either survive or die. It's one of the most frustrating endings to a movie. Ever.

bad monkey

Frustrating to the point where, okay; I went to a seminar years ago about science in movies - Douglas Adams was one of the guests - Douglas motherfucking Adams. The man changed my life with Hitchhikers Guide To The Galaxy. I got him to sign a copy of it for me. After my stupid cat Giles, that book is the thing I would save if the house was on fire. Actually, I might save the book first, Giles isn't that dumb, he'd run if he was on fire. I think. Anyway, one of the movies they discussed was Outbreak and one of the other panelists was talking about how the most distressing thing about the movie was the faux science and Douglas was laughingly agreeing and I was forced to disagree with Douglas motherfucking Adams, because the most distressing thing about Outbreak is you never find out if Casey lives or not.* And also, Kevin Spacey's hair is weird. Not as weird as McDreamy's but still.)

(Man, that was one long ass tangent.)

So . . . recap. Group song! With dancers from So You Think You Can Dance! Jaunty hats as far as the eye can see! And whilst they're both giving it their hip swivelling all, Luke and Teale look so crazy uncomfortable with the Jazz Hands! Point Fingers! Box Step! that it makes me wish all the more that we'd had the group songs all season long, because really, how brilliant would a group song have been to ABBA? Wes moonwalks across the stage. I cheer extremely loudly and with no sense of shame because I am a total whore for that kind of Awesome. Oh, yeah, Wes owns this performance (and, as it turns out, most of the night). They finish up as the boys Soul Train their way to the front of the stage and jeezum crow, what the hell is Mathieson wearing? He's got a furry, suede jacket and a bow tie. How am I meant to tell if it's skinny or not?? G wants to know if he's dealing cards at the casino later, as he takes the opportunity to futz with Jimmy's bow tie.

Jermaine frigging Jackson is in the house. Whilst Jermaine was once part of the Jackson Five and is fairly legendary because of that fact, I'd place him below La Lauper in terms of OhMyGod!Celebrity Status. He's wearing a jacket that appears to have the lyrics and titles of every Jackson Five song puffy penned on it. It's hideously tacky. Mathieson fibs that we're in for a brilliant night (two out of three ain't bad, but it ain't good) and sends poor Jermaine to sit in between Marcia and Kyle, possibly as penance for the jacket . . .

When I was repeating to Fosse how everyone had gone on the show, I couldn't for the life of me remember what the hell Teale Jakubenko had sung. It sounds like he sings "the cat is not my son" when he practices 'Billie Jean' with Erana and John. As a kid, I always thought MJ sang "the chad is not my son", which never made any real sense to me, unless the kid's name was Chad. But Michael Jackson is not the most brilliant of enunciators. I thought that he was asking Eddie if he was okay in 'Smooth Criminal' - turns out it's "Annie, are you okay?" - and what the hell does "chamon" mean anyway? Either way, the overenunciating king of Idol Teale is giving us someone's stripped back version (I don't have a problem with Idol's using someone else's arrangment, but cop to it - Teale tells us it's a version he found, but doesn't tell us who it's by). It's extremely well sung, his voice is getting to the point where it just can't be faulted but man alive, it's boring again. If Teale won Idol (as if) his Journey!!1! CD would be dullsville. People could use it to put small children to sleep, so at least it would serve a practical purpose. The ending is lovely, he belts out a long lovely note that goes slightly askew at the very high pointy end but is otherwise applause worthy.

Dicko says the songs are icons of pop culture, what with the instantly recognisable dance moves, the signature MJ wacky made up words etc and tells Teale he did the smart thing taking it into his own territory because he would have failed miserably if he'd stuck to the original arrangment. He praises his singing and calls it brilliant. Marcia's heart lets Teale know it thought his song had angst, attitutude and compassion. JJ softly speaks that he thinks it was excellent, praising his pitch and telling Teale he moved him. Teale is visibly chuffed and his eyes are all a-sparkle with unshed tears of Holy Cow, Jermaine Jackson Thinks I'm Awesome. Kyle says it was initially disappointing for him that it wasn't the MJ version but then he got captured up in it and loved it. Mathieson suggests it might be enough to keep him out of Bottom Three for once and Teale humbly smiles that with only five of them, he doubts it but he's made it to Top Five and he's just so jazzed to be there, it's all ok.

whatserface is talking to Mark Spano and . . . man, someone's been overdoing the fake tan. She's wearing a brown sparkly thing that she almost blends into. If it weren't for the sparkles on her dress, I'd be hard pressed to know where the her skin ends and her dress begins. She gets all handsy with Spanner. Fired! No touch-y!! Mark's a massive MJ fan but for some strange reason has chosen the least 'sing-y' song in his catalogue, choosing 'Bad'. I'm going there guys, that's a Bad song choice. I'm not apologising for that. It's very very monotone. Mark does his best, dropping into his lower register and being all sexy closed eyes whilst cradling the microphone in his big, meaty hands and . . . sorry, I went somewhere where you couldn't come with me. He kicks it when he's in the chorus but it's not enough. Oh Mark, to follow up 'Angie' with this? Makes me sad. There is not one Jesus Pose in the whole song, but he does the Mark Spano Crouch a whole hell of a lot. He tries for some 'Bad' attitude but it just makes me giggle, which I don't think is what he was aiming for.

Marcia blows air up the skirt of Jermaine's brother (and you know, it's entirely possible that wherever Michael is right at this very moment, he might actually be wearing a skirt), coming short of calling him an outright genius and talking about what a theatrical performer he is, but that she still thinks Mark did a very good job. JJ says there's a lot of movement in that song but that he didn't miss it because Mark is so comfortable on stage and he sold it. He praises his voice and the performance. Kyle opens with "now for a bit of truth" and slams it. He calls the verses terrible and monotone and when the crowd boos, he tells them no chocolate for them. He admits to enjoying the chorus and passes over to Dicko who agrees with him that the first verse was thrown away. He tells Mark that he needs to learn to put some texture into that lower register and is disappointed that there was no chamon. I feel your pain Dicko. JJ defends Mark by saying he gave the first verse a certain amount of attitude to build it. G says that JJ has the highest jurisdiction. He doesn't touch Mark at all. Are they fighting? Oh my goodness, is there trouble in Bromance-ania, population, them? Noooooooo!

whatserface wants Chrislyn Hamilton to do the zombie dancing from the ground breaking 'Thriller' clip. Chrislyn says she doesn't want to embarrass herself on national television like whatserface is currently doing. Burn! Chrislyn is puh-itch-y and she's got the Crazy Eyes And Hands Of Endless Mugging going on. She doesn't zombie dance, but she totally werewolf claws at the audience. It's not as muggy as she's previously been, but neither is her singing anywhere as good as she's previously been. You can totally see her vocal cords when she sings her last big note. Sadly, Vincent Price's spoken part does not bust out over the last section and no one laughs evilly. That's such a shame, an evil laugh is always welcome in my house.

JJ gets as close as he's ever going to get to telling someone they were shit as he slightly admonishes her song choice and pitch but notes that it was better than her rehearsal and also, was she aware she was only seventeen?? Kyle can see that Jermaine was so freaking round about in his criticism that Chrislyn maybe thought it was okay and immediately dashes her hopes. He would have liked some zombie dancing and more theatrics and GOOD GOD, NO. Do not encourage the mugging. Shut up, Kyle. Dicko thought it was dopey song choice and there were some pitch problems but it was a valiant effort. Marcia says 'Thriller' isn't a musical song, it's a mad zombie song and tells her she can dance and she should pull every trick out of the hat.

Luke Dickens has made yet another smart song and arrangment choice, taking 'The Way You Make Me Feel' and bluesing it up so that it's more of a Luke song than an MJ one. He's also rocking more beard, the long scary beardy lines are gone and he's got some growth there - it makes the chin thing slightly less horrid to look at. He's singing really well, it's bluesy and laid back and a really nice version of this song. When he reaches into his big bag of notes towards the end, he either muffs a note or loses his voice slightly but it's gone very quickly and he continues on to a nice smooth ending.

Kyle says it was easily his favourite of the night, it was comfy and it turned him on. Ewwwww. Dicko tells him he has an uncanny ability to forage around a catalogue and find the perfect song choice for him. Dicko loved it and says he's beginning to cook at the right time for the competition. Luke's missus is in the audience with a sign that has a pic of his new little baby on it. From ewwww to awwwww in less than a minute. She looks really happy with her hubby. She should be, he's doing extremely well. Marcia tells him it was sexy because he owns what he does on stage. JJ is impressed how Luke grew the song and built it, he loved the hook and can't believe he was a sheep shearer.

whatserface towers over Wes Carr, she is tall. I am excited to note that the hat is back (shut up, I missed it. Also, the perfect night to wear the Jaunty Hat. If it gets flung into the audience at some point, then Wes owns the night and possibly me.) He is worried that Dicko is going to hate what he's about to do to 'Black or White' and he must not have been watching the show because Dicko loves everything you do, Wes, everything. It is . . . I don't have words for how brilliant it is . . . he's got the leg twitch going on and he's just so freaking into it and I do NOT stop smiling the whole damn performance. He shimmy's when he gets to the bridge and then he full on does the whole MJ standing on top of an air vent 'ohhhhhhh!' move and busts out the dancing. Moonwalk!! It's GLEEFULLY brilliant (and brilliantly gleeful)! The backing vocalists get into it, repeating the last line of the rap portion of the song (my favourite part) "I'm not going to spend my life being a colour" as Wes finally pitches the hat off to the side, pulls off the patented MJ half Jesus Pose (with fingers exactly how MJ has them) and then gives a full Jesus Pose as the band climaxes to completion. That is simply the most energetic and FUN performance that has EVER been on this show. It joins Spano's 'Angie' from last week as the best performances of the season and possibly the show's history. Awe. Some.

Dicko tries to talk but Marcia and JJ are too busy giving The Messiah a thoroughly deserved Touchdown (I can't believe it, but his first of the season). Wes adorably runs up to hug Jermaine Jackson, because really if you're given the opp to hug a hero, you're going to. The brother of a hero will suffice. Dicko tells him he's pretty fly for a white guy and wonders why he'd think Dicko would hate that - why would he hate someone who entertains us? He praises it as fantastic. Marcia says tonight was the night to unleash his Michael Jackson and also says it was fantastic. JJ tells him to listen to the crowd and that he did it. Wes very cutely can barely look Jermaine in the eye, he's so freaked out that he's there and he loved his perf and he got a Touchdown from him and bashfully apologises for the dancing but Mr Jackson is having none of that and tells him he loved it. Kyle says there's not much to say and says it was pure thrill. G calls it the culmination of Wes' entire life and Mathieson notes that all that dicking about in front of a mirror has finally paid off. G says Wes needs our votes to stay in the competition and DUDE, he so doesn't. Really, I love Spanner as much as the next . . . me . . . but The Messiah deserves to win this competition and I will be extremely surprised if he ever hits the B3. I may eat one of his hats.

Bottom Three; Teale, Chrislyn and Mark. Oh, that hurts Mark, that does. Teale or Chrislyn to go though. Obviously no Top Three but Luke and Wes should be safe for next week and CHRIS FUCKING ISAAK. Oh. My. God.

TallulahBelle out.

*Fine, yes, you may say I'm being stupid hoping that there is a chance that Casey makes it as it's fairly obvious he must have died, he's pretty fucking sick before they get the antiserum. But if he died, then show it, for crying out loud. That's baaaaaad filmmaking to leave that kind of loose end untied, and that bastard is untied. UN. TIED. I blame Wolfgang Peterson. Also, if Casey died then everyone else in the town who was sick died, because they were sick before him and he only got sick because he was exposed to the airborne portion of the virus, as opposed to Rene's character who pricked herself with a needle and got it in her blood. So he lives. Right? Right. Taaaangent. That is all.

Liveblogging; Six to Five

7 31 G (in a fetching pin striped suit and pink breast cancer ribbon on his lapel and and awesome black and white vertically striped tie) tells Luke and Wes that they're the only two who haven't been in the Bottom Three but that one of them is this week and he takes such a large pause in between "Wes" and "you're safe" that Wes and I think he's B3, but it's Luke. They manfully shake hands. Mathieson (who is sans jacket tonight and his tie? Not so skinny . . .) tells Chrislyn she's safe and that Teale is B3. Which leaves Mark and Roshani (G flirtingly tells Mark he loves it) and Mark is SO safe. Except for Luke, that's an okay B3.

7 33 Luke Dickens sings "Honky Tonk Woman' for his first appearance in the Bottom Three and seems a little wonky, it's not his best performance, it's a little scratchy like he hasn't warmed up or something. G sends him back to whatserface who says he did a fantastic job last night and hopes that his perf gets him through. Luke barely gets an "okay" in edgewise.

7 36 Teale Jakubenko doesn't have his guitar as he re-sings 'You Can't Always Get What You Want'. It's still very pretty. Pretty dull. See what I did there? That lame ass joke? More interesting than this performance. He does well again with the key change. Mathieson sends him back to whatserface. She crosses everything for him but again doesn't let him say a freaking word.

7 38 Roshani Priddis looks pissed off, her eyebrows are seriously furrowed and pained as she sings 'Wild Horses'. She looks like she knows it's her or Teale. She almost misses some of her lyrics and is either struggling to remember the words or trying not to cry. I'd go with the tears. Oh, Roshani. She adds another five notes to the ten she previously sang towards the end.

7 46 G has his boy Mark sitting next to him on The Couch Of Safe (helping G straighten his pink ribbon - as G notes "save the boobies, Australia, save the boobies") as he drops that next week is Michael Jackson week. Oh my god. That's both awesome and horrid!

7 47 Mathieson speaks to Luke who is so laid back about it that he almost falls off The Couch Of Not Safe. He says with only six, it's fifty/fifty as to which couch you're on. Luke says there's nothing he could have done differently, he got out there and sang his best. And then Bill from Luke's local pub in NSW calls Luke 'Dicko' (which throws me - there can be only one!), and then wants to make sure he's getting his fill of VB.

7 50 whatserface talks to Roshani about how difficult song choice can be and then oh my god!! She does it!! She actually fucking does it!! Ricki Lee FUCKING Coulter makes Roshani's moment ALL ABOUT HER and The Beatles debacle!! FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED FIRED. Dicko looks spectacularly unimpressed and appears to be biting back a massive grin. Roshani says she sang her guts out and loves that song and it's the most vulnerable she's been and she has to stick by it. Because it's veering dangerously close to being about Roshani, whatserface brings it back to her, saying again that it's the song she would have done as well. whatserface throws it to the judges, wanting to know why they were so hard on her. Coulter smart alecs that the crowd liked it so therefore Austalia should have and Kyle gloriously smacks her down, saying the live crowd are basically trained monkeys who will cheer for a tiny piece of chocolate and can not be trusted. Dicko tells her to use the internet and research her songs - amen, Brother Dicko!

7 53 Mathieson reminds Teale he's B3'd about five times. Teale thinks he's done and Jimmy encourages him to "back himself". Kayla from NSW thinks he should grow his hair longer and then wants to know what kind of artist he wants to be. He says pop/rock with a bit of soul, which he calls sprock. Jimmy doesn't think that'll catch on. He's still jacketless. G badly jokes that he thought sprock was on Star Trek. He's just so giddy that he gets to sit next to Mark this week, he's struggling to string proper sentences together, let alone make good jokes.

7 56 The Cadbury Performance and a Half is absolutely the one you thought it was going to be. Mark Spano singing 'Angie' to me.

8 00 Lines are closed! Mathieson has inserted himself in between G and Mark. Jealous, much Jimmy?

8 02 Time wasting footage of Wes Carr dancing around backstage like a maniac. Wes may or may not bust out the moonwalk for us next Sunday. G talks him into doing some MJ now and he borrows a jaunty hat from the crowd and busts a move. Chrislyn says Idol has made her weird. G tells Mark that Dicko could not stop raving about him last night. Dicko says his phone went mad after last nights show and the industry has finally worked out that a boy is going to win this season so now they're interested.

8 05 The Idols made the yearly visit to Ronald McDonald House, this year in Tamworth. Fantastic house workers, gorgeous kids who make you want to cry and all round awesomeness. The Idols sing their greatest hits - Chrislyn does 'True Colours', Wes busts out 'Desire', Roshani sings 'Tell Me About It'.

8 12 Chris Brown sings 'Forever'. His dancing absolutely shits all over The Messiah, sorry man. However Wes, you sing better than he does. We'll call it a draw, yeah?

8 15 Chris gets flowers from the crowd and Mathieson tries to gank them to give to G in apology for seperating him from Mark earlier in the show. Chris' block mounted poster looks like it weighs a metric tonne. Jimmy's been working out though as he holds it using just one of his skinny skinny arms. whatserface babbles about how cool Chris Brown is whilst the three up for boot sit in uncomfortable tense silence behind her and don't look at all awkward about it. Nice. Fired.

8 22 The boys recap the judges comments from last night. First person safe is . . . Teale. Good bye Roshani. There's no way it's going to be Luke.

8 28 Mathieson surprises no one by telling Roshani she's done.

8 30 Roshani's last song is Joss Stone's 'Tell Me About It'. Her voice is definitely not in as good as condition as it was when she first sang this song, she cracks all over the place but she's having a blast. G gives her a big ol' hug. See, it's not all bad!

Tallulah(Angie)Belle out.

Let me whisper in your ear

So last night I came home from rehearsals - after stopping on the way to do a little grocery shopping - and sat down with my dinner and my Fosse to watch Idol. It's been an age since we watched together, what with rehearsals and whatnot, and he's missed my screeching and anger, I can tell. He pretends not to, but he does, really. Anyway, Fosse bitched about how he hates The Rolling Stones, I told him how my middle name is from a Rolling Stones song because my parents were Dirty Hippies, we laughed uproariously as G and Mathieson tag teamed and smacked down Kyle, I pointed and ranted at the screen whenever whatserface was on . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . . and then Mark Spano sang 'Angie' . . .

*insert sound of broken record scratching*

Guys, I totally got caught up in a Mark Spano sang 'Angie' time loop, that I could not get myself out of, not that I tried terribly hard, it was an awesome place to be. It's made it really difficult, almost impossible, to rewind the tape back far enough to actually look at the other contestants again: but I've made myself do it, secure in the knowledge that a) G and Mathieson were on fire last night; b) I only have to sit through Roshani's song one more time (although I imagine tonight we'll have to hear it again 'cause she's B3 and probably out of here) and; c) the light at the end of the tunnel? Is Mark Spano singing 'Angie'. Sigh!

Sidebar; as it's Rolling Stones night, I am left with no other choice but to call Marcia 'Brown Sugar' all night. No other choice. Occasionally BS for short where appropriate. You can decide for yourselves what those initials might otherwise stand for . . .

As the show opens, Fosse calls me a freak for dreamily noting that G is dressed in all black tonight and that Mathieson's skinny tie is slightly fatter this week and has also been bedazzled all around the edge with silver sequins. I call him a freak for not noticing. You think those boys dress for themselves? They dress for us to notice and you do them a disservice sir, by not paying tribute to their hard work. Plus they both look super cute tonight! Mathieson notes that The Stones have been around for forty five years, G smarts that modern medicine is still at a loss to explain how they keep going and going. Well guys, The Stones drummer Charlie Watts has been dead for about fifteen years, it's just no one has told him.

Total vampire. Right?

Him and Iggy Pop, no one seems to want to break the news to them. I mean, there were funerals held and everything. Also, Keith Richards is pumped full of so many drugs that it's kicked in and melded with his body's internal system like a weird preservative. He's going to outlive us all. It'll be Keith and the cockroaches, man. And Keith? Won't even notice. Dicko for some strange reason, is wearing a shirt that is more suited to Country 'n Western night. He also still persists in his belief that the winner of Idol will have a career and reminds us of the 200k. I had totally forgot about the money. Can they retrospectively give Irish 200k? Man has two kids, he could totally use that money.

It's time wastage time! We're reminded of where the Idols came from and their Journey!!1! to get here. I try to count the different hats during Wes Carr's package, he tops out at five but Guy Sebastian adds another to the count. They show his awesome first audition and rendition of 'All Along The Watchtower' and it's always nice to be reminded that I loved him from the get go, especially when Spanner (ohmygod, 'Angie'!! It's coming, it's COMING!!) has taken over as my favourite. The Messiah, his twitchy right leg and some maracas are singing 'Jumping Jack Flash'. He puts a nice growl into his voice for this song as his left leg takes over the twitching for a short time before handing back to his right, the Reigning Twitching Champion. He jumps on the spot as he sings 'Jumping Jack Flash' and I'll let that one slide because that's a natural dance-y/twitch-y way to go with this song. Oooh, all the backing vocalists tonight are guys. The camera guys are struggling to keep up with the mad dancing skillz of The Messiah as he jumps and twitches and Jesus Pose's all over the stage. As ever, his singing is excellent. I'm wanting a ballad from him now though, anyone else? I feel like this is all we see, the frenetic (but excellently done) high paced number. Even last week, he took a folksy song and rocked it up. I want something slower from him at some point, it would be nice. Also, a haircut.

Dicko says The Stones are "a byword for noisy, dirty rock 'n roll" and I note to Fosse that it would have been nice if Wes had not washed his hair for a couple of days before this performance. For a grungy sound and performance, he still looks a little too clean cut (but not as clean as Teale who you could eat your dinner off of). He loves how Wes inhabits the songs he does and also enjoyed the dirty, raw texture of his voice. He says it was "epic". Brown Sugar congratulates him on being one of the most consistent performers and never being scared. Kyle picks Wes up by the scruff of his neck and takes him to a corner to lavish him with love. He says Wes makes the song his own and says he loved the little Rolling Stones dance movements - which were the exact same dance movements he does EVERY week, so unless there were some Mick Jagger chicken head movements we didn't get to see at home, shut up Kyle - and just loves him. Mathieson picks up the maracas and busts out Homer Simpson's "you don't make friends with salad." A. Dor. Able.

whatserface knows the Adam Levine/Alicia Keyes version of 'Wild Horses' and you guys, would totally have done it herself if she could! So Roshani Priddis is completely just stealing her thunder! And this is nothing like the time that whatserface did the Chaka Khan version of 'We Can Work It Out' on Beatles night and then got booted by an Angry Nation. No, you watch, Roshani will be absolutely safe and not at all in the Bottom Three for taking a great song and performing a lame ass version of what is actually a pretty decent cover. Granted it's no The Sundays but it's still not bad. Even towards the end when Alicia puts about eight different notes in the one 'yeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaah' (this will become important in about a minute when Roshani starts singing). Plus Adam Levine is HOT. Roshani even starts at the second verse like Alicia does. She starts off very timid, there's no strength to her singing at all. And once she does kick into her upper (and usually more powerful) register, she does The Alicia, throwing no less than ten wildly different and pitchy notes in where one beautifully sung simple note would have kicked frigging arse. Bottom Three. Time to go Roshani. Start packing. whatserface? For saying you would have done that, you can pack too. Fired. Both of you. That's two weeks in a row that Roshani has taken one of my favourite songs and killed it dead. Now I need to go listen to my Buffy The Vampire Slayer soundtrack and The Sundays version and remind myself why I love the HELL out of this song. Judges, please express your disgust in three . . . two . . . one . . .

Brown Sugar has never heard the song before at all, but notes that a lot of their songs are masculine and is pleased she took it into a pretty, female place, and have you seen Jagger's lips and eyelashes, BS? They're pretty frigging girly. Kyle has three things to say; he loved her singing, hated the song choice and tells her that her outfit looks like "the dog has savaged the takeaway dinner wrapper". It is kind of a stupid dress. Dicko says she's been very hit and miss recently due to song choice. He tells her she did an okay job but that she sucked the life out of a whacked out country song that's down and desperate and turned it into cabaret. He tells her it may be death by song choice. G thanks Dicko and Marcia and then tells Kyle that was stupid critiquing and that there was nothing constructive whatsoever. Kyle whinges that no one cares what G thinks and G smilingly tells him to shut up as this is his turn to talk. There is an AWESOME shot of Sandilands looking off camera at someone with an unhappy face from being put in his place by pretty boy G and you just know there's going to be a rumble in the parking lot after tonights show. My money's on G, he may be pretty but you watch his eyes, there's steel in them. Now if it was Brown Sugar versus G, my money would be on BS, no question. My momma didn't raise no fool.

(Spano? Soon-o!)

Luke Dickens has once again picked a great song for him, choosing 'Honky Tonk Woman', it's one of The Stones bluesiest songs and it falls into that Joe Cocker place he sits. He shows some nice range, although he misses his first really high note, he picks it back up again when he does it again later in the song. He is absolutely the surprise package of this season. But if he pushes one of my boys out of a spot in the Final Two (as Fosse fears he might; he argues that people voted Shannon Noll into the second spot, I argue back that I am still firmly convinced that Cosima DeVito was second and would have performed at the Opera House if the nodules hadn't forced her exit - man, good good times. Except maybe for Cosima), then there will be repercussions. Either way, this is a good performance. Again. Damn.

Kyle is still up on his high horse about G telling him off and goes in guns blazing, overly complimenting Luke on choosing a song that everyone actually knows and how unique a concept that is. He says with what's riding on the competition they all need to make good song choice and that Luke never disappoints, he is, in fact "smart in the head". Let's all pause and enjoy the stupidity of that statement for a moment before Mathieson comes out and beats Kyle around the face with it. Kyle notes that everyone at this point of the competition can sing, it would be pointless if they couldn't and oh!! Let's all cast our minds back to Season Three shall we? DeadtomeOnetrickponyLee Harding. Still in the competition at this point. Could he sing? History has proven otherwise. Of course, most of us didn't need history for that, we knew from his souless rendition of Green Day's 'Holiday' and NO, I will never let that go. Dicko agrees with Kyle and we all need a long, scalding hot, cleansing shower now, don't we? He says it's about connecting with the audience and being relatable and giving the show big moments (which I had to listen to three times, I could have sworn Dicko was saying "big mumps" but that made no sense at all . . . ) Brown Sugar smiles that she hates it when the guys say everything there is to say and blows him a kiss instead. Ms Hines' performance fee for the night of the 26th October will be donated to charity, being that she DID NOT EARN IT. In defence of his boy G, Mathieson comes out and smirks at Luke and Kyle about being "smart . . . in the head" and he fully puts the italics on it and pauses and everything and neither Luke nor Kyle really get that he's mocking the living SHIT out of them. But I'm sure they pointed it out to Kyle at some point and made him aware that they got the last word. Hosts = 2,347,179. Kyle = -378.

Sidebar; How, how, is Channel Ten possibly going to put Will and Grace on in the seven pm time slot? They cut even the slightest mention of sex and drugs out of episodes of Friends. We'll never see Jack or Karen at all, will we? It'll be a five minute show about a good Jewish girl and her single male neutered housemate exchanging witty banter about . . . god . . . I don't even know. What's left of W&G once you take out Jack and Karen? Cue snazzy piano tinkling opening credits, Grace wearing awful outfits, Will cooking, laugh track, closing credits and scene. That's so lame, I don't even know where to begin.

Speaking of lame, whatserface wants to know from Teale Jakubenko who is better, Keith or Mick. Teale looks completely lost because Rick Price wasn't one of the choices and he . . . doesn't know what to do with that. He's singing the Gregory House theme song 'You Can't Always Get What You Want' with 95% less choirboy. He's sat himself down on a barstool, he's got his guitar, he's strumming, he's asking us to sing it with him and it's . . . pretty. Let me tell you something, Jagger et al are not in any way pretty. Whilst Teale's voice sounds pretty much immaculate (although I preemptively shudder when he indicates he's about to key change, he segues nicely to the higher register and I am pleasantly surprised), it's just so booorrrrring and perfectly enunciated. I don't doubt for a second that there are people who would buy a Teale J CD but I am not one of them. My mother maybe . . . Fosse and I drift off into conversations about anything other than Teale. I wonder if the contestants might have been able to get away with singing The Beatles 'All You Need Is Love' purely because Mick Jagger sang a bit towards the end, it's a long shot and I know it. Fosse is appropriately dismissive. We tune back in for the judges.

Dicko tells Teale he's singing very very well at the moment and compliments his song choice. He loves how he made this truncated version work for him, giving it a sweet country pop vibe. Brown Sugar says that song is an epic and she had no idea how he was going to do it. BS says it was a very intelligent way to go about it, well done. Kyle wants to know if he was in charge of the arranging and initially it was all with the band. Teale says he learnt the song yesterday on his guitar (well done, sir!) and hastily re-arranged it to strip it back more.

whatserface is backstage with a very jiggly Chrislyn Hamilton who confesses to not knowing much about The Rolling Stones at all. whatserface says good luck in a tone of voice that whispers of The Beatles. Seriously, kids? If you want to have a career in music, LEARN ABOUT IT. The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, these are GIANTS in musical history, I'm not saying you need to be able to play Rachmaninoff's Concerto in D (possibly a made up concerto just for the purposes of this sentence) but The Stones? I shake my head at the Youth Of Today. Chrislyn is singing 'Get Off Of My Cloud'. Okay. Look. She sings this extremely well, lovely emotion, great range, well arranged but OH MY GOD, the mugging. The faces, the miming of the lyrics, the musical theatricalness of the whole fucking thing, it MUST STOP, Chrislyn, I'm begging you. Chrislyn has taken Dicko's notes of being BIG and BALLSY and applied them to the nth degree and it's too too much. Her rapid fire lyrics with the backing vocals moment, is ace and BV Garry is having a ball with her but the rest? I can't watch the rest again. I could listen, but I couldn't and wouldn't watch it again. She loses almost all the points she gains because of the incessant freaking MUGGING.

Brown Sugar says she loves watching her perform and says her fans adore her and so does BS. Kyle says he loves her, she's a star and there's nothing else he can say, he loves her, loves her, loves her. Dicko loves (oh, there's a lot of that going around - it's because they're further away from the mugging, they don't have it thrust down a camera at them) it when she cuts loose - don't encourage her, Dicko - and says it's "like the Vicar of Dibley on party drugs" and Fosse and I miss everything else that's said for the next five minutes because we're laughing our arses off. Gold, Dicko, 24 carat.

(Oh my god!! You guys!! He's next!!)

whatserface ask Mark Spano if he's a Stones fan, and Mark possibly deliberately completely smacks her down by saying he's more a Beatles fan. whatserface's face freezes for 0.3 seconds before she continues on. After the break G introduces his boys package (dirty!), then Mathieson throws to Mark perched at the front of the stage, just him, his acoustic guitar, some unfortunately distracting backlights, and the beautiful melody of 'Angie'. The living room is silent until about half way through when I turn to Fosse and tell him I'm changing my name to Angie. Fosse pauses for a second and says he is too. This is FLAWLESS. It's hands down the best he's ever sung, it's the best of the night, it might actually be the best of the season thus far and seriously makes me ache. In the best possible way. Gorgeous, Spanner.

Kyle doesn't know how to wrap up the word 'perfect' into a whole sentence and says everyone there loved it, it was brilliant. He points out some girls in the audience who are holding M A R K up to the cameras and when they finally turn it around so Mark can read it, it says K R A M, which he laughingly notes. They eventually turn it the right way around. I'm not surprised they're a little light headed as they were in the same room as that performance, I'm a whole state away and I'm a little dizzy. Dicko calls him Spannerman and then tells him the range of flavours he gives are fantastic. He loves the intensity and says that him just sitting there with his guitar gave us the most electric moment of the night. Then he gives him the most worthy Touchdown I've seen since The Gauc did 'All The Boys In Town'. Brown Sugar talks about an Italian singer whose name I can't type, and then calls out the Italian community as being uber proud of their boy. Also proud of his boy? G, who comes out and sits next to him. Fosse rolls his eyes (I didn't see it, but I felt him roll them) as I shriek happily that their knees are touching and aren't they adorable and can't you just see how much G wants to put his hand on Mark's knee??!! They chat about 'Angie' being the song Mark was learning when the dread nodules came.

Bottom three - Roshani (blah), Teale (boring) and Chrislyn (for the mugging)
Top three - Mark (sitting at the top all by himself), Wes and Luke

Angie out.

Liveblogging; Seven to Six

7 31 G smirks as he stands next to his newly returned boyfriend Mathieson and tells Luke, Chrislyn and Wes that they're safe. Mathieson wastes no time telling Teale and Sophie that they're Bottom Three and then makes G cry bitter angry stompy tears as he puts Mark into the B3 for the first time. You know why he's there? Because everyone in Australia who normally watches, MISSED HIS PERFORMANCE last night. Stupid early start time. This sucks. But he'll be fine. Right? RIGHT?

7 34 The Teale Jakubenko Insomnia Cure All Tour of 2008 continues as he recroons his way through 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough'. I yawn my way through it. whatserface wants to know why Australia should keep him and he says we could all do good things together. Mathieson tells him he's finished. We can only hope, Jimmy.

7 36 Sophie Paterson's potentially second last performance on Idol is just a little bit cheery and she does that when she's B3, doesn't she? She gets very smile-y (she did the same thing last week with her repeat perf of 'Ana's Song') and 'Papa Was A Rollin' Stone' ain't a really terribly happy song. She sings it remarkably similarly to last night, but with slightly better pitch. whatserface tells her she looks hot and they giggle girlishly about Sophie being in the B3 again. Sophie looks resigned to going home.

7 38 G manhandles his boy, Mark Spano to centre stage so he can re-sing 'Keep Me Hangin' On', sans awesome hand movements. He kicks it nicely, but the voice sounds a bit rough. I suspect there was some serious drinking going on at the ARIAs. G chirps that it was a powerful performance from Mr Mark Spano and then, for real I am not making any of this up, can't take his freaking hands off the guy. They're in looooooove. Jimmy immediately does his best to seperate them.

7 42 Dicko is particularly surprised about Spanner being in the B3, Marcia is too but says also that Sophie's pitch was still not great and that Teale is sick but shouldn't let it show. I'm guessing he's also still hungover from last night. Kyle is horrified that Mark is B3 but gets why the other two are there. You guys, it's TOTALLY because he was first up and everyone missed his performance, I'm telling you. G gets Teale's number wrong but quickly corrects himself. Unsurprisingly, he does not get Mark's numbers wrong but there's a steely tone in his voice as he suddenly realises that in the next segment, he'll be stuck on the couch with the other Idols and won't be able to take his usual position sitting next to his boy. Mathieson rubs his hands with glee.

7 47 G sulks on the couch with Luke, Wes, Roshani (who SO should have been in the B3) and Chrislyn. He's one petulant lower lip away from refusing to read the teleprompter until Mark is back on the couch with him. Mathieson throws an arm around Spano (practically crowing at G) as he asks if it sucks going from the high of performing and the ARIAs to being B3. Unsurprisingly, Mark answers in the affirmative. He gets a call from Maggie in Melbourne who loves him slightly more than G does. G pouts a little more. If he makes it through to The Rolling Stones next week, he's going to be singing 'Angie'. Yum! Sign me up for some of that, thanks!

7 51 whatserface and Sophie (why does Sophie ALWAYS get Coulter??) talk about how Sophie's developed her style over the last month or so and Ricardo from Nowra wants to know if Sophie was going to be coming back to Aus if she hadn't gotten into Idol. He then also asks about The List, which we all covered last week with The Dread Pirate Pengilly and wants her to marry him. Mathieson dryly tells him to nick (fuck) off because "we've got Lava Life for that sort of thing."

7 53 Mathieson and Teale talk about throat infections and Teale knew he was going to be B3 again tonight so took it easy at the ARIAs. Mathieson is horrified that Teale's fan Jenny's question basically amounts to, "is your dad's brother Steve, I pashed him as a teenager?" There is much laughing and scared eyes from Teale over this turn of events.

7 55 The Cadbury's Performance and a Half is Chrislyn's hip swivelling scary-fying of John Foreman.

8 00 Previous Idols pick their faves : Jess Mauboy says Wes, Anthony Callea picks Chrislyn, Natalie Gauci and I are still on the same wavelength as she picks Mark, Axel Whitehead pimps for Wes and Damien Leith Irish's at us that "it's all coming down to the lads this year" and are you still reading my blog, Irish?! I made that call already. But you're not wrong. So long as things tonight go the right way, that is.

8 02 Luke seems to still be a little drunk from the ARIAs and got Kasey Chambers to cop to wanting a photo with him but not for her, for a friend (sure, Kasey, that's the excuse they all use). Roshani babbles about how well the previous Idols have done and how comforting that is and really? Because only Guy Sebastian was nominated at all last night, The Gauc didn't even sell enough singles to make Highest Selling Single nomination with the winner's single, and that's the first time that's happened. If a girl wins, she's toast, Roshani. She's crumpets, she's muffins, she might as well butter herself up, slap on some vegemite and then drop herself condiment side down onto the fluffy carpet of the music industry, because her career is likely going into the bin. That metaphor TOTALLY got away from me. G, staring down the barrel of losing his boyfriend Mark, sucks up to Mathieson about how awesome he was on the ARIAs and flutters his eyelashes.

8 06 Gabriella Cilmi can barely string a sentence together and seems constantly stoned. I'm sure she's not. (I'm sure she's not, Gabriella Cilmi's laywers, please stop sending me warrants.)

8 08 I can't even tell you how jealous I am that the Idols got to freaking meet Richard E Grant, I guarantee that most of them, possibly all of them, have no bloody idea who he is. He's Richard E fucking Grant. I can't even watch the segment, I'm so depressed by that. I mean, if they knew who he was, they would have shown at least one of them getting excited about meeting the guy from 'Withnail and I'. Or even 'Hudson Hawk', I don't ask much . . .

8 13 HotCarl!! HotCarl!! HotCarl needs a haircut but he's still remarkably HOT and talks about working with the Navy to get a new theme song or something, I don't know, I was too distracted by HOTCARL back on my show!! It does allow Mathieson to make a joke about Seaman Idol. And dude, I'd TOTALLY recap that show. G laughingly picks himself up off the floor, wags a naughty finger at Mathieson and goes to have a good lie down.

8 15 Gabriella Cilmi's latest completely forgettable single 'Save The Lies'. Urgh. At least, 'Sweet About Me' was catchy, this is just . . . awful.

8 19 whatserface TOWERS over John Foreman, who knew she was that tall? Squeaky Foreman is organising some singing thing with kids and I was too taken aback by the almost foot and a half of height she has on him to really pay attention, my GOD. She's a giantess. If I fire her, she's totally going to stomp on me with one of her giantess feet, isn't she?

8 24 Verdict time. Mathieson and G recap what the judges said and first person safe is . . . Teale??!! For real if Mark goes home, both G and I will be pissed and someone will pay, I tell you this now. G grits his teeth as we go to the break.

8 31 Kyle, Marcia and Dicko all think Spanner should stay, but Dicko has a horrible sinking feeling it's Mark. If he goes, can they override the decision?? whaterface would lose her mind if that happened. It might almost be worth it . . . no! I jest! Mathieson announces it's Sophie and for real, my heart was in my throat. He's okay, he's okay, he's okay. Ohhh Sophie. I liked you more than the other girls left. Mathieson jokes that they're not going to pay for the flight back to Heathrow.

8 33 Man, her original stuff is just great and her performance of The Stone's 'Satisfaction' was kick ASS. They show a third of INXS and La Lauper raving about her unique voice. Her last song is her BRILLIANT arrangement of The Potbelleez 'Don't Hold Back'. It highlights her bizarre pronunciation, the quaver, the mournful tones and I'd still buy this as a single.

8 37 G does a little dance of Both My Boyfriends Are Still On The Show as he officially announces that next week is Rolling Stones week (he doesn't care that his boyfriends already let that news out, he's just so happy they're both still there) - and there goes the opportunity to hear Sophie croon The Sundays' version of 'Wild Horses'. That would have been ace. Bye Soph!

TallulahBelle Out.

So, what you're saying is the show was on an hour earlier?

Oh my god. You guys. You GUYS. Idol started at SIX THIRTY. At SIX THIRTY. I only switched my tv on at 6.45. I missed Spano. I missed Spano. And YouTube is giving me no love, instead I've watched his 'Come Said The Boy' performance from the semi finals twice and immersed myself in the Sixty Minutes piece about Great White sharks to make myself feel better. Hello my pretties . . . ooh, what biiiig teeth you have! (And, like every shark story you're ever going to ever see ever again in the history of I Wonder If It Hurts When They Go Chomp, they show Heather Boswell swimming for her life from the great white who took most of her leg. Of course Sixty Minutes, being the PILLAR of ethical, fact checking journalism greatness that the show is, mistakenly attributes her being in the water while she was on a tourist jaunt, when all they needed to do was google her properly or - I don't know - watch any one of the fifty different documentaries that show the footage of her being attacked and where she then talks about how she was there working on a research ship, of which I think I've seen fifteen of them in the last year alone. Seriously Sixty Minutes; Shark Week on The Discovery Channel. Discover it.)

And of course if it's ARIA night, then that means no Mathieson. Which means all the homoerotic content of tonight's show would have occurred as G flirted his little heart out over his ongoing bromance with who? Mark Spano, that's who. AND I MISSED THAT. The homoerotic content of Idol is what gets me through most episodes, people. The sly sidelong glances between G and Mathieson. The touching. The teasing. The pet names. The LOVE. I need the love. How am I expected to make it through an episode without the love?

Oh, and something else harshing my gig, hardcore? That I can't even pick on whatserface Coulter because her marriage just broke up. That's, like, not even cool. How am I meant to mercilessly pick on her as she RUINS MY SHOW whilst her heart is (probably) broken? Why you ruining my weekend, Idol? What's that about? Huh? I'm so distressed by this turn of events I'm not even going to attempt to suggest better songs for the Idols to do. There. Are you happy, show? You've made me not care.

Edited to add later that night
Oooh!! Thank this lovely person for uploading Mark Spano's performance on to YouTube! It's sans judges comments, which really, would make everything go just that little bit faster anyway. He's singing The Supreme's 'You Keep Me Hangin' On'. Ohhh, in a bid to keep poor G from missing his boy Mathieson too terribly much tonight, Spanner is wearing Jimmy's skinny black tie. Those boys, looking out for each other like that. It's just so darling. I can feel the love! I'm a little weirded out to start with because Mark's just standing at his microphone, he's not doing The Mark Spano Crouch or The Mark Spano Head Tilt, he's just standing there singing. It all becomes crystal clear when he throws his arm to the right, along with the backing vocalists, and it's so very The Supreme's 'Stop (In The Name Of Love)' and DUDE, I'd have paid him good money to do that song and wear the slinky Diana Ross dress and the elbow length gloves and get all Beyonce in Dreamgirls sassy on us. Anyway, back to the actual song he is doing, he Callea Points, but (unlike others who will do it later) as this is quite obviously a choreographed Callea Point, I am willing to forgive him this one. But you only get one, Spanner. Use it wisely. He sings it nicely, throwing in some foot tapping, the Crouch, the Head Tilt, some incorrect lyrics and then finishes it off with a full blown jesus pose with head tilt at the very end.

The judges say stuff. Happily, I have no idea what it was but at a guess;
Dicko: love you, you're awesome, your song choice is stellar, that's steeped in Motown-y tradition, have you been listening to my iPod again?
Marcia: you go girlfriend, that's what I'm talking about, meet me backstage for a joint?
Guy: I'm glad I wasn't on the same season as you and The Messiah, you guys would have eaten me for breakfast even if technically I have a far superior voice but still, you scare me a little and I think your neck might be bigger than my thigh, did you know I'm not a virgin anymore?
Kyle: I've never heard that song before but Dicko said it was an important song so I'm faking that I do and can someone tell me why they keep letting people on the panel who patently have more of an idea about how to do this than I do even when the person who proceeds to outjudge me in this particular instance is a kid who has been in the industry only slightly longer than I've had this shirt?
G: Seriously, Jimmy won't be back for hours and besides he'll be all distracted by both Hamish and Andy, and my dressing room is soundproof, whaddya say?

I turn on the tv and hastily press record just as Sophie Paterson starts wailing 'Papa Was A Rollin' Stone' best remembered for the version by The Temptations. She starts this off nicely enough and the bizarre kind of vibrato she has naturally in her voice suits the slower parts of this song. It's after the chorus however, that things go a little . . . haywire. Sophie steers wildly off pitch and she's trying to hit all these big notes and it doesn't seem to be paying off. I don't know, it's still very Sophie but it's nowhere near as compelling a performance as the last three weeks have been (including 'Ana's Song' from last week which wasn't great vocally but I still liked from an emotional viewpoint) and I would expect at this point that a position in the Bottom Three has just been earmarked and bronzed for her (and also Teale) from now until . . . well . . . for as long as it's needed really. Which probably won't be too long . . .

Marcia says Sophie got a lot of what Guy mentored to her and I'm assuming he said she needed attitude because Marcia says that's the most she's shown, and she would have liked to have seen even more. Guy (and is this a world first? Having an exContestant and winner come back as a guest judge? Has Kelly Clarkson judged next to a blissed out Paula Abdul? I feel like if I'd seen the start of the show, G would have told me. Damn it) liked that we saw a different side of her, noting that she's been previously very folky and "breathy" and that she gave that a lot of guts but he still would have liked to have seen more, the "next level (of) Sophie". Kyle says for him, she's just under where she needs to be. He says she may be a slow growing flower that hasn't bloomed yet but that if that's the case, she doesn't have long left to grow. (There's a joke there about fertiliser and the equivalent that spews forth from the judges mouths that I'm too mature to make. I'll just wait whilst you make your own. You done? Excellent. You're funny!) He finishes up by saying he liked the start but by the end he thought it was a little bit screechy. Man, I hate it when we agree. Dicko lauds her "sour tones" and "really nice distinct, alternative folk voice" but he barely recognised the second half of the song - and he's totally right. (Kyle was also right, but Dicko just puts it better. Plus I like him more. Shut up, Kyle.) G and Sophie cutely wave hello to her Dad. I am too concerned at the helmut hair G is rocking tonight to notice he's being adorable with her.

Sidebar; I'm watching the ARIAs as I finish this up and several things strike me. Mathieson looks lost without G. Sam Sparro is as gorgeously nerdy as I ever like my boys to be. Pete Murray needs a haircut. John Butler does not (and looks really good without the dreadlocks). Gabriella Cilmi is one hard looking seventeen year old, the phrase 'rode hard and put away wet', springs to mind. The lead singer of Faker is one seriously flat singer. And I want some of whatever it is that The Presets are smoking.

Luke has had a Dickens of a week! Sorry. SORRY. Anyway, his wife gave birth something like halfway through last weeks Monday night eviction show (bye Thanh! We miss your overwrought renditions of Our Favourites! Not! But seriously, you were a nice guy and just lovely and composed about getting booted from the show when I eventually saw it two days after it happened. Also? Singing 'The Winner Takes It All' as your final song? GORGEOUS touch of irony that I like to think was deliberate. Well played, young man, well played) and about two months early, so I hope the little whippersnapper is doing well. One can assume so or Luke would surely be with his missus and sprog (he totally calls his kid sprog, don't you think?) instead of hanging out with Mr Guy Sebastian. The Temptations get their second song of the night as Luke has aptly chosen 'My Girl' and is dedicating it to his better and more exhausted half. During his segment with Guy, he seems to be really hitting those higher notes nicely, sliding up to them with ease but when he gets on stage (looking sharp in a suit, sans tie) he sounds rougher and struggles a lot more to hit them. But still? This is kind of great to see/hear. He's clicking his fingers, he's swaying side to side, he's crooning his heart out. Who knew this guy could do that? Light and shade? Signed, sealed, delivered, Dicko, it's yours.

. . . sorry.

Guy says it was a perfect song but to be honest, thought that it would be a bit more of A Moment and wants to know if he's slept much. Luke brushes that aside and says it's no excuse he should have put that aside and for real, this guy actually wants to win this damn thing, doesn't he? Don't let the lackadaisical attitude throw you off, this boy is playing to win. Kyle says he's become a father and a singer and as Dicko has requested, has given them something different and advocates sleep at all times. Dude just had a kid, he won't be sleeping properly for the next ten to fifteen years, loser. Dicko is excited by the light and shade he brought, but says that he did it better in rehearsal when he made Dicko cry just a little bit - awwwww - and he's shown he can be a recording artist and not just a pub singer. Dicko gets Marcia to repeat what she said at the rehearsal and it's exactly what Kyle just said about becoming a father and a singer and someone is cribbing someone else's notes . . . I'm just saying. Kyle. G jokingly chastises us, saying if we don't vote for Luke we'll be stealing food from his baby's mouth . . . whatserface jokes about the baby having facial hair. Look, I don't want to do it but I have no defense in the face of her lameness. She's fired.

Sidebar; Jensen Ackles in the new ad for tomorrow nights episode of Supernatural growling at Jared Padalecki that "If I didn't know you, I would want to hunt you"? Is about the sexiest fucking thing on tv at the moment. I've only started watching Season Four but I may have to just throw my hands up in the air and watch this episode as a stand alone because DUDE.

It's time for a little Marvin Gaye (and Tammi Terrell) with Teale Jakubenko's choice of 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough' (although my favourite version is from the Sister Act 2 closing credits. Shut up.) Teale was quite happy about Motown week but Guy has seen enough episodes of this season to know how very boring Teale's singing is and tries to get him to do some adlibs during the song, showing him where to belt and where to hold off and when Guy does his best Marvin Gaye, he sings Teale out of the motherfucking building without even breaking a sweat. Teale - oy - starts off sitting in the audience - for all of two seconds. Look, if you're going to sit in the aisle, stay there for more than that or don't freaking bother. And when he sings "to keep me from getting to you, babe", he Callea Points to the camera when he sings "you". Thank GOD Fosse is at rehearsals and has given up on this season of Idol because right there? We'd be less one tv in this house. Also, trying to impress the wrong exIdol contestant/judge Teale, it's Sebastian this week. Don an afro and trill for Jesus, then you'll be closer. Once again he sings reasonably well but it's just so vanilla. Oh well, at least he's staying away from those really high notes that he . . . oh, I spoke too soon. The end is a bit of a mess.

Kyle says Teale is plateauing the same as Sophie and did he get anything from the workshop with Guy this week? Teale practically froths at the mouth as he raves about how great Guy is. Kyle says he loves him too and doesn't at all mention that Guy rarely gets played on his radio station - oooh, lets have Irish on soon so that Kyle can get his name wrong and pretend that they play his music all the time!! Kyle thinks Guy gave Teale more confidence and that he's lifted. Dicko tells him it's a pretty big song to choose and is "the Motown version of let's get ready to rumble" and what he gave was another clean performance and he's pretty sick of waiting for him to break out of that. He says he may have to accept that with Teale "still waters run still". Marcia prattles on about Teale doing what he has to and if that means he needs to start by sitting next to his girlfriend at the start of the song to get a loose comfortable performance out of him then so be it. Guy mutually raves back at Teale about listening to everything they talked about and loved it.

Chrislyn Hamilton is rocking the third Temptations song of the night with 'Get Ready' and really, like Wes and Mark with Rock last week, this week should be easy peasy for Chrislyn. Guy wants her to pull something new out of her bag, encouraging her to throw some hip shaking momma moments into her song. Chrislyn's hair is unforgiveable again. As is her dancing, or whatever you call that thing that she does right next to poor John Foreman. And the multiple myriad dumbass overly theatrical faces she pulls singing this song. But her singing is back to being aces again. Her glory note is not great, it wavers all over the place but this is still the best she's been in AGES.

Dicko says he couldn't take his eyes off her, for the good reasons - and says when she picks the right song she just tears it up. Marcia tells her she knows she did well, getting all 'girlfriend' and smirky with her and then compliments the dress she's wearing. Which I thought was hideous. Guy is briefly inhabited by the lame ass ghost of You Promised Me Mark Holden Was Gone And This Is The Third Touchdown I've Had to Recap This Season and throws her a TD. Kyle was slightly horrified by the "groin grinding" and says the performance was great and "undescribable" (not a word, he means INdescribable. I bet he says irregardless as well. Ugh.)

I'll actually pay this one - G throws to whatserface Coulter who has a nervous Wes next to her and she jokes that he wants to know how to follow a TD and she dryly drops "You don't. Quit" and if she could bring that kind of dry, quick retort to the show more, I would fire her less.

The contestant I named for the son of a carpenter is singing 'If I Were A Carpenter' by The Four Tops. I could not make this shit up. That is awesome. Except for the part where I don't like this song at all. But Wes Carr doesn't care about that as he is mentored by Guy about how to make this many covered song his own. Also, the whole way through this bit you can just see that The Messiah is itching to steal Guy's silly hat and make that his own. Sadly, he does not. He does however kind of own this song, folking it up beautifully, starting simply and building nicely and his voice sounds great. I kind of wish he'd kept the arrangement simple and crooned the whole thing instead of letting the band in and getting all high tempo and foot tappy with it, but never mind, it's still good.

Marcia says the performance was absolutely spellbinding, and says he's one of the best storytellers they've had on the Idol stage. Guy pins on his #1 Wes Carr Fan badge and tells him he could make a record tonight. Well, not tonight, because these guys have to get themselves to the ARIAs but, The Messiah knows what you mean Guy. He also notes that he's pretty sure that ladies would absolutely want to be his babies (even though the lyric is "would you have my baby", not be) which of course leads Kyle to say that Wes is HUGE in the homosexual crowd partly because they love the whole jesus look. Kyle puts on his much much bigger #1 Wes Carr Fan badge and says as far as they're all concerned, he's ready now. Dicko loves that he took a Motown song, started it off folky and built it and then gets all mushy about having Guy on the panel, raving about him five years later behaving like an artist.

Sidebar; Californication is on whilst I've stopped the tape for a moment to get another coffee and David Duchovny is being dry humped by Callum Keith Rennie in his kitchen. Man, they really want me to watch this show again, don't they? Holy shit! Judy Greer is in it too? This show wants me to have its babies.

Itty bitty Roshani Priddis would fit into the box Diana Ross keeps her wigs in when she travels. She's going to be singing one of my favourite Supreme's song 'Reflections', which was the theme song for tv show 'China Beach' back in the day. Man, I loved that show. It got weird in the last season though. Am I right in remembering that Dana Delaney's character McMurphy had something going with Jeff Kober's Dodger at some point after the Vietnam war? Excuse me, I need to look at some episode guides (god, no wonder this show takes so freaking long to recap, I get caught up on the weirdest tangents). It looks like the answer is no, but I did recently watch Season Six of Buffy that Jeff Kober is in. Bad Willow guts him like a fish and takes all his magic. And Dana is on Desperate Housewives these days, man even the promise of Nathan Fillion on that show couldn't make me watch that. Tangent. Annnyway, Guy says she sings flawlessly as usual but confesses that when he was on the show he would get so nervous that he would trill all over the place (yes, but you did it SO well and you were the first real exposure we had to that kind of oversinging so we let you, Guy and we loved you for it. It's true though, that we have not been as kind to those who came after you. EmilyTheColdlyAnointedOne) and he wants her to not fall into that trap. He gives her some great advice about using her breath to focus the note instead of vocal gymnastics and god bless you, Mr Sebastian. I have to say, this song is just not a good one for her and we need to have another Contestants Choice night to let Roshani get her mojo back, stat. Her lower register does NOT translate well through the mike and my Philips TV, in fact I can barely hear it at the start. She's too breathy and - I can't believe I'm saying this about a song by The Supremes, but - too girly, not to mention pitchier than Sophie was. She's also trilling and glory noting all over the place. The arrangment is a freaking mess and she totally loses the melody at the end. Oh dear.

Guy says he loves what she does and she's so full of life etc but this was supposed to be her week, she's a soul singer and they did everything they could but it wasn't the best song to showcase what she does. He says he still thinks she's brilliant but it was a bad song choice. Kyle agrees and then babbles about her not being on fire enough and then threatens to squirt her with lighter fluid and set her alight. That's not cool, man. So not cool. Dicko is as confused as the rest of us as to why Kyle is threatening to harm Roshani but moves on. He says it should have been a home game for her as the shows 'soul sister' and then meanly calls 'Reflections' a dogs breakfast and HEY, it's a GREAT song, just because Roshani KILLED it dead doesn't mean you have to be mean to it, Dicko, back OFF. He tells her she needs to work on her pitch because it lets her down time after time and at this point in the comp, that ain't good enough. Marcia shakes her head sadly with her Disappointed Face on (she keeps it in a bowl of water under the desk. Interesting note, Kyle once accidentally drank that water and couldn't unpurse his lips for three and a half weeks. It tastes lemony, is what I've heard) and says she isn't going to tell her anything she doesn't know and hang on, but lady, isn't that your freaking JOB? Tell them when they've gone way off track, when they making poor decisions, you are there to help them and . . . oh, forget it, we're so close to done here, I'm just going to say Shutup Marcia and move on. Kyle disses the high pants she's wearing, Marcia babbles some more about giving her "some constructive" advice and why would you want to ruin a perfect record by starting now, Marcia? She does in fact give her some good advice about listening to the band and the backing vocals to keep in pitch and then G comes out and derides Sandilands for being jealous about not being able to wear high pants because "he hasn't seen his belly button since 1993". Get that man a glass of fine scotch and his Mathieson, he's earned them both.

Bottom three; Teale, Sophie, Roshani. I imagine Teale or Sophie will go. I'd start packing if I were either of them.
Top three; Wes, Luke, Mark and Chrislyn. So, top four.

TallulahBelle out.