Next.

Gah. I have BOLTED home from rehearsals, washed the blueberry stains from my face ( . . . it's a . . . long story), changed into my pj's and climbed into bed with my laptop and my second favourite battery driven bedroom device, my remote control. (My first favourite battery driven bedroom device is a Tardis money box. Yes, I am absolutely that sad. It has The Doctor and Martha pictured inside the door and when you put money in, it makes the whooshing Tardis noise and then The Doctor speaks. I tend to giggle uncontrollably when it does that. God. Why don't I have a boyfriend again??)*

*Okay, maybe I'm lying about my favourite battery driven bedroom device but my MOTHER reads this blog. Hola Mamma! I'm still a virgin! It's all Q's fault! She made me get one! Quickly move on to the next paragraph and we'll never speak of this again! See you at Christmas!

As we back the hell away from Too Much Information Land, let me further note before we get into this; it is 23.48 (I like military time), I'm ready to press play, I'm a year older than I was last night when I wrote the first ep of Season Six and my face is itchy and needs moisturiser. It's time for my old home town of Perth to take centre stage and I'd like to take this moment to also add; episode two and STILL NO HOLDEN. This continues to make me happy.

Oh. And remember the Ground Rules. No famewhores. Let us begin.

Hello sandy beaches, glistening ocean, lovely sunsets and Mathieson rubbing in the knowledge that despite Cosima and two of the Murphy brothers, Perth hasn't ponied up with a winner yet. I'd like to point out James, that the last two years in a row Perth has given you that guy who dresses up as a green dinosaur and dances, which equals roughly twenty total minutes of audition show, so don't tell them they've given you NOTHING. But if he appears today I will be ignoring his sweaty, costumed arse. And the kid dressed as Scooby Doo. Avert your eyes!!

Oooh, taped Idol means I can fast forward through the shite. Excellent. Straight on to 23 year old bipolar sufferer Bianca Long who impresses Kyle with her eyes. Her unique voice and Nina Simone song choice intrigues Marcia - who then jumps straight into Mother Marcia mode by reminding Bianca that the world of Idol is a tough one (especially for women. Ask PoorPoorCasey, ask TeamKate, ask The Gauc. If you can FIND THEM.) surrounded as it is by hateful faceless bloggers (!) and that it might be especially tough for someone with bipolar. Bianca seems to have a pretty good attitude about the whole thing and the boys give her a big yes.

Sidebar: The new Cadbury ad featuring the gorilla drumming to Phil Collins 'In The Air Tonight' is fricking GOLD.

Thank you show for wasting TWO MINUTES AND TWENTY NINE SECONDS on Andrew Youel and his Jane Austen DVD collection. The BARELY TWENTY SECONDS you then spent showing us quirky songstress 17 year old Brooke Wilkie and her lovely sounding voice was too much really. No, you're right, it WOULD be crazy to actually give us some background on her and the multitude of people she had with her, she can only sing and play the guitar, screw that, we don't need to know who she is yet, I'm sure you'll give her adequate coverage once we get to the Seymour Centre so yeah! Bring back Andrew, I miss him!

Idiots.

Bewhiskered builder Jonny Taylor (22) sings on scaffolding at his worksite - does that qualify as WorkSafe? - and tells us he's going to sing a song that's about his deceased uncle whose spirit he 'felt' after he had a motorcycle crash . . . huh? No, actually, stick with this, it's not bad or as weird as it sounds. The song is okay, the voice is better; it's dark and strangely calming. A teensy little bit Nickelback but not enough to annoy - Jonny makes it through. Nicely different. Excellent. Like him.

Wee Scottish lass Angela McComiskie (29) has chosen the worst possible song to audition with, it's shouty and doesn't highlight her voice At All. Kyle tells her flat out it was theatrical, which - we are painfully aware - he HATES. Dicko knows it's StoryTime On Idol (the producers slipped him a note) so asks for her whole life freaking story and then Builds The Drama in a completely legitimate way and tells her to take ten minutes and chose a song - and this is not at all because they're paying whatserface Coulter good money and they need to show her doing SOMETHING at some point during the show. No. That would be cynical of us to assume and we're better than that. She comes back and bursts out with 'What A Feeling' from Flashdance and incredibly unfortunately for all concerned, a fat guy in a leotard does NOT start dancing for his life behind her. It comes down to Dicko who is going to put her through the wringer before he puts her through to Sydney - oh for crying out loud, get on with it guys. Do we need this much time on Angela? She seems lovely and has a nice enough voice but she is not going to make it through the Semi's (if she makes it that far) to the Top Twelve and she's definitely not going to win. Can we please have more of that Brooke chick? Give us people WHO MIGHT WIN and stop wasting my time.

*fast forwards through the weirdo's*

*ten minutes later*

23 year old wrestler David Wallis takes on Kyle in a wrestling match and Dicko can hardly contain his glee. David pins him a couple of times and seeing Kyle's face smooshed into the parquet is some of the best television since that season when the pig farmer girl pretended to knife him in Queensland. Remember that? Good times. David is so exhausted and puffed he can barely squeeze out a tune but Kyle is pretty funny when he good naturedly berates his bodyguard for being missing whilst a guy who's about to sing Rick Price pinned him to the ground. Dicko sends David out to catch his breath and when he comes back he has a nice voice but he loses it completely when he tries to falsetto. Silly rabbit. The Idol Falsetto was surrendered for all perpetuity to Irish during his first audition two years ago and no one has been able to get their grubby mitts on it since. Kyle yes's him through with a promise of a rematch if he makes it to the Opera House Finale and then Andrew G hugs hum. Man, he beat up Kyle and hugged G. That's the dream right there, people.

Oh jesus, the dinosaur is actually back. Oh, Christopher Bachman, please hurry up and turn 31 and stop coming back. Thanks.

25 year old Ginger Sweet Mendoza (her real name) busts out some medical advice for other aspiring singers with colds and then Kyle wrangles her life story from her - abandoned by her mother, raised by her grandparents; they clearly want tears and recriminations, but Ginger is very matter of fact about the whole thing. Guys, she has a fever, she has no time for your bullshit, she wants to sing, get her ticket to Sydney and go home to bed. Sore throat aside, she throws attitude and vocal chops at the judges - she's struggling slightly but man alive, she's kicking it! It's a little shouty but I'm willing to theorise that she's compensating. She's also fairly adorable so yay for her!

Brodie Owen (16. Too young. Too young. Get back to school dude, catch yourself some waves and come back in two years. This show will RIP YOU TO SHREDS). Like last year's sixteen year old Matt Corby, he's chosen Supersititous as his audition song - and next season I want to see a ruling that outlaws this song from all male contestant auditions. He sings it quite well and he's charming as hell, but he's so young. Oh, please don't. But they do. And then he yells out 'Ocean Reef' and holy hell, he goes to my old high school. Sigh. Go forth young man, we'll do our best to keep you young and undamaged. Also, your mum is lovely.

18 in total through from Perth. And no one has sung any of Marcia's favourite songs thus far this season. Huh.

On to Brisbane tomorrow night and we'll get to finally hear the zaftig lass from the Can You Feel It ad and ascertain for sure if her voice really is that hair raisingly awesome.

TallulahBelle out.