Queensland. Bring out your insane.

There are many MANY things about Queensland that qualify as 'normal';

Authors David Malouf and Nick Earls are from Brisbane. They have both been seen in the same room at the same time. Utterly normal.

Actors Barry and Miranda Otto were both born there. Obviously at different times as Barry is Miranda's dad. No time travel involved, no weird space time contiuum freakishness happening there, just basic biology. Completely normal.

Winton in Queensland is known for having the worlds best collection of dinosaur tracks. Not remotely strange. That's SCIENCE, you don't get more normal than a bunch of paleontologists agreeing that Winton rulz, otherwise Ross on Friends wouldn't have been a paleontologist (and Ross was the really normal one.)

Granted, it gets rather humid up there and I'm not a huge fan of the sun, but I have been led to believe that my dislike of the sun is in fact the not normal part, and the sun itself is completely meteorologically apt and normal.

My good friends Bodie and Freya live in various parts of Queensland. They're substantially normal. Although I did hear that Freya's son had sprouted another foot. I'm almost certain she means upwards though and not that she needs to buy one and a half pairs of shoes these days. Still. He could have eight feet, two heads, only breath in time to the tune of Mozart's Seventh Concerto, consume nothing else but green beans cooked on Tuesdays and shoot fiery sparks from his nostrils when he sneezes and he'd STILL be more normal than the freaks who came out of the woodwork for tonight's episode of Idol. Most of whom we will be ignoring because of The Ground Rules. (Although one or two may have slipped through. I'm not made of granite, people. Sometimes you just HAVE to point and laugh.)

There was too much whatserface Coulter (and when did she become an International Superstar?) tonight but this was luckily counterweighed by the third consecutive night of a total lack of Holden.

Beau Mossop (25) sings AC/DC more badly than it is usually done. Who'd have known that was even possible? Bon Scott, all is forgiven. (Also, I'm really into Back In Black at the moment. Blame Jensen Ackles and Supernatural and the first time you see the Metallicar tooling down the highway in the first episode. Mmmmm Jensen . . . ) Beau pretty much sings the whole damn thing and . . . yay for your level of enthusiasm sir, but they've pulled your leg letting you even get this far. Which was very mean of them and we'll be talking about that when we get to another contestant very very soon.

Kiss impersonator. Dude, we already have Lindsay West, we have fulfilled our quota of glam rock tribute guys, thanks for playing.

Oh. The really sad and annoying story of Aicha Robinson (16. Yeah, it's AWESOME to mock and humilate the young.) Now, Aicha does not sing her song well at all. She pummels it around the head and beats it into a bloody submission. Marcia chastises her for her vulgar performance and Aicha's heart breaks into a billion pieces - because see, Aicha hasn't just performed this song once, she's performed it several times. To the original audition panel, to the producers, to everyone who decides that a vulnerable sixteen year old girl who can't really sing, should be allowed nonetheless to be put in front of a panel who will turn on her in a heartbeat if she shows the slightest vulnerabilites. Yes, yes, it's all very well and good to say she knew what she was getting into. But did she? Or was she given just enough encouragement by all those people she saw before the judges to think she legitimately had a chance? And right there is one of my pet peeves about this show (of which there are many and they are legend). I don't give a fuck if you humiliate the hell out of the famewhores in their pirate costumes and their 'funny' antics but the people who actually think they can sing but obviously can't? Please spare us those people. I'd rather watch an entire show of famewhores than see one more deluded soul bursting into angry tears because they got a little homespun truth from the panel. Especially when it then degrades into Aicha comparing her embarrassment here to the Iraq war.

Let's get on to some actual singers, shall we?

22 year old Teale Jakubenko's jawline and eyes immediately pique Fosse's interest (and also Dicko and Kyle's, who know the gay men - Fosse nods affirmative - and the confused middle aged ones as well - will be All About Him. Not to mention some of the ladies. He's quite lovely.) He sings rather well, if a bit quavery - lets call it nerves, shall we? I'm feeling generous.

Chick dressed up as an egg singing a song about pussy. Really, Brisbane?

Chrislyn Hamilton (17) is the one person who I've paused to listen to everytime they play that Can You Feel It ad. She sounds amazing in that ad but I've held back on besottedness until this point. She's not a small girl. She's large, she's zaftig and Dicko has visions of PoorPoorCasey dancing through his head so he needs to know if she's happy as she is. Dude, she's 17, NO ONE is happy with themselves at 17. She answers his question by giving them an Aretha Franklin number. Smart girl, remind them that you don't have to be size ten to blow the roof off the joint. Her voice is good, really good. The girls are looking fabulous this season. I'm not besotted yet . . . but she has major potential.

22 year old model/actress Vaughn Newman totally thinks she has this in the bag. Now, she doesn't have a bad voice per se, but it's unremarkable and limited. Dicko harshly tells her it was rubbish and they get all ghetto with each other until it comes crashing down on Vaughn that he's serious and she bursts into tears and calls Marcia 'honey'. Which awesomely leads to Kyle asking to call Marcia 'Brown Sugar'. That is so her new nickname this season.

Kyla Vanzetta (16) has wanted to audition since she was 11. They think she has the look. She certainly has a few different looks going on; beehive, late 80's eye liner, knee socks. Luckily her voice is pretty sharp and she gives Brown Sugar a 'moment'. Dicko calls her 'dollface', he's SO Guys and Dolls . . .

Sidebar: The new 90210 credits better have SOMEONE mock punching someone in the jaw twice in succession when the music calls it for it, just like Dylan and Jason used to and there better be a 35 year old playing a 17 year old or it just won't be the same.

Third time is hopefully a charm for serial auditioner and familiar Top 100 face, Irae Schwenke (21). He's doing this for his son, which is lovely but . . . wrong. He has a great gospel voice but we've had a multitude of gospel singers go through this competition and only one has ever come close to winning - Guy Sebastian, of course - and Australia doesn't really have the music industry to support a plethora of gospel singers. Which is why the other gospel singers from this comp have disappeared or joined the Young Diva's.

21 year old Brooke Schubert sings 'Songbird' a little too nicely, which - again - didn't know you could do that with this song. She also goes off pitch a wee bit but that might just be nerves because she has a fine tone otherwise. She has that light and shade thing that Brown Sugar is always harping on about. See her in Sydney.

Cowboy up! Klancie Keogh from Season Four has sent us a couple of friends. First up is 16 year old Mitchell Steele. Dicko likes the 'idea' of him - a pop sensibility with country style - but doesn't think his voice is ready yet. Kyle disses his 'brows. They are significant. He brings in his brother 27 year old Dallas Steele (and man, that's a country 'n western name if I ever heard one) who has a serious country voice. It's got that whole american twang going that Nashville creams itself over. The judges won't have a bar of it. There is no room for country proper in this show, sir. Only faux country. Mitchell is in, Dallas is out.

Crazypants Remy Wuromus (28) finds it hard to audition in front of the judges. Also, she has her perio-you know . . . we don't need to know.

The adorable Drew Crump (23) helps me shake off that performance of 'God Only Knows' that Brianna Carpenter did last season. His voice is lovely and soaringly sweet. I'm in love. He's awesome. He's also humble and self effacing to the point where Dicko has to tell him he's better than he thinks. He's in. He is also, unsurprisingly, The Last Person To Audition Who Totally Gets Through Completely And Utterly Unexpectedly.

So. Singers. Check. Weirdo's. Check. Queensland done with 18 through to Sydney. Check. Done. On to Old Blighty and Adelaide.

TallulahBelle out